Tag Archives: Weddings

Marriage – the holy grail ???

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Thoughts on Womens Day

Marriage is still held to be the Holy Grail in a sub-continental woman’s life. All else is merely insignificant rites of passage. And closely following marriage is motherhood. More so when you consider how marriages happen today. One just has to leaf through matrimonial columns of newspapers to know that the fair, slim, convent educated virgin bride is highly prized and perhaps will be easier on the pocket of her parent. A dusky complexioned girl will force her poor dad to shell out a huge sum. I skim through these and look around me, so many educated girls working and earning respectable salaries. When the search for a groom begins, their fathers too shell out. And in most cases, these girls meekly tow the line.

On Women’s Day, I got many emails all extolling women as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers etc. But really, have we been valued for ourselves? For being the persons that we are. We are still stuck in the feudal mindset. We ourselves see ourselves as somebody’s wife, daughter, mother etc etc. Oh sure, education and financial independence has encouraged us to dream big – but they do not ensure that those dreams get fulfilled. From the time of Sita to our time, have our reality changed. We, the women in the Indian subcontinent still hanker for the social security and the acceptance that comes with the mangal sutra, and the status of being mother to a son.

As long as we are raised to feel handicapped, like lesser human beings just because we are born women, our situation will not change. Only when we are comfortable with ourselves and are able to live on our terms in a society that respects womanhood will we truly be free. Empowerment comes with true freedom. Perhaps then women will be able to live without being liabilities to be dowered and sold. And after that humiliation, still not being able to command respect unless she becomes the mother of a son.

Run-away Groom

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One of the most interesting weddings I have had the good fortune to attend has been the wedding of a friend’s friend. We were in college when this young dashing army officer was getting married to his childhood sweetheart. My friend had to attend the wedding and needed company. I was more than happy to accompany her. We reached the bridegroom’s place well in time for the baraat to leave. The bridegroom was an avid polo player and was very attached to his polo horse, a mare named Guinea. He insisted that he would ride his beloved Guinea to his bride’s place. The family had given in to this wish of his.

At the appointed hour, Guinea was brought from the stable to the groom’s front gate. She was skittish and would not allow herself to be decorated. With great difficulty, she wore some of the customary decorations. Then the rituals began. The sister in law of the groom came with the plate of chana to feed the horse. She backed away, snorting suspiciously. The sisters of the groom were too intimidated and refused to tie the decorative strings to her bridle. The groom took all this in good humour and climbed the mare, whispering soothingly into her ear. Then disaster struck. The band wallahs struck the noisy orchestra that accompanies every baraat. This was too much for poor Guinea. She took off in panic at a break neck speed with the groom astride her …. to the total astonishment of the baraatis.

After an hour the groom returned galloping at full speed to the house. His turban and sehra were a mess. The sisters jumped up in joy, and started teasing him and asked “Where did you go? We thought you had panicked and run away”

Even though he was sweaty and short of breath, his good humour was totally intact. He replied with an absolutely straight face “Oh Guinea got jealous and wanted to elope with me. I had to pacify her. So I rode her around the India Gate roundabout 7 times. Now she knows she is my Biwi No. 1”

Needless to say, the baraat had to go to the bride’s place without a horse. The bridegroom rode in a car!!!

Mating Season

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This happened a few years ago. I had been interacting with some foreign buyers at work. It was around Diwali and they found India intimidating. The roads were impassable, the sheer numbers of people shopping and driving fascinated them and scared them. We wear (as per them) the most amazing colours. One of them could not get over my electric blue jacket. Damn it, I love that jacket!!!! He thought he needed to wear sun glasses even to look at it!

Around November-December many marriages get solemnised. So there are countless number of Baraats which hog a major chunk of the road and the first few times they encountered ghodis with bridegrooms and the band-baaja that accompanied the baraat, they were thrilled and took a lot of pictures. But soon this diversion palled. We were driving one evening when the road was jammed because of a baraat. This guy (I think he fancied himself a wit) turned around and asked me “Does this happen round the year?”. I tried to explain that marriages were solemnised mostly during the winters. “Aha!” he exclaimed. “Now I understand. You Indians have a mating season”.

Hmmmmm, I dunno ….. may be we do.

Shaadi Shaadi Shaadi

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It’s been a crazily prolonged winter this year – and along with the chilly winds comes the wedding season.

I think I must have attended about 8 weddings starting from last week December to first week of February, which as most people know means an average of 3 functions per wedding. Phew!!! Unlike my daughter in law who loves to dress up and is excited at the sight of an invite – I normally think of a wedding invitation as a chore. One has to figure out what gift to give, what to wear and worse, what to get my younger son to wear!!! He is such an aborigine, he lounges around in the minimum of clothes and thinks dressing up is such a waste of time.

The normal scene at home is something like this:

Esha comes home from work and spies the invitation and says “Oh goody, its Shaadi time!!! Mom,who is getting married. Where do we go? What do I wear”.

Kartikeya says “Oh my God, another one? Mom can’t we avoid this?”

Both of them start exchanging not so nice remarks about each other and I am left to organize the driver, the trip to the bank to check out the jewellery both of us women have to wear, the shagun etc. etc.

When D-Day comes, Esha is dolled up (and looking gorgeous I must add) well in time. Thanks to her, so am I. Kartikeya at around this time, normally wanders in still in his track suit and looks at us surprised “Dressed already? Oh my God, Bhabhi, what do I wear?” This leads to another friendly exchange of insults, but the up shot is that Kartikeya also gets dressed(quiet decently). Finally the Lalits are all dressed and ready to go for the party.

At the party, Kartikeya always manages to find us a table near the bar. Its an art, I must say. It ensures non stop supply of drinks and snacks. The down side is that we end up saying Hellojee, Namaste jee etc. to every one, even those crashing bores that we wish to avoid.

I have observed a very interesting thing. All men are dressed up warmly – and since Delhi-NCR is so cold this winter, many men are wearing mufflers and caps too. But the ladies, bless their brave souls, are gorgeously dressed in beautiful sarees and jewellery. Not one woman did I see at any of the wedding functions wearing a shawl, sweater or even warm socks. Who says that only men are brave. We women can face the most inclement of weathers with smiling fortitude!!!

Of course it is another matter that when we come home, we quickly get into thermal underwear, wrap ourselves in heavy warm quilts and sit in front of the heaters to thaw.