tujhe suraj kahun ya chanda
tujhe deep kahun ya taara
mera naam karega roshan
jag men mera raaj dulaara

Translation

Should I call you sun or moon

Should I call you lamplight or stars

You’ll light up my name

In this world my darling babe …

I was watching Sony Mix and this song came up.  I have heard this song in my childhood, and loved the emotion and depth of love Manna Dey put into the lyrics.  That was then and this is now …

My sons are Cesarean births.  I was fully conscious albeit kind of trippy for both births and I saw them being taken out of my tummy.  I remember thinking it pretty symbolic when the doctor cut the umbilical cord.  It, to me, symbolized that here was a baby, another person … who had his/her life to lead.

I think I led mine and built my own identity, and reputation.

It would be pathetic if all that I built and created depended on someone so much my junior to uphold or besmirch….

I can feel pride and joy in their achievements

Or shame if they transgress boundaries and err

Grieve if they get hurt

But its all about them – not me

In short – its their lives

Is it not?

And the son and his wife got married today, 4 years ago …..

You know what 4 years of marriage does to you?

Four years ago, on this day, the bride went to a beauty parlour, dolled up and came to meet the groom in all her finery.  The groom decked up too.  This is what they looked like

Please ignore the mother in law and brother in law …. they came as a package deal in the wedding.  Something like Do ke saath do free

Today the two of them woke up at 12 noon, and then sleepily came downstairs for breakfast.  After breakfast (which we had at 2 in the afternoon) I brought out the cake which they cut.

Love (or is it simply being comfortable in your own skin) means celebrating your anniversary in your night clothes without dolling up, heck without even taking a bath

Isn’t the cake simply lovely?

I wrote a post long time back complaining that bringing up two boys without a father is stressful! Motherhood or single parenting is definitely not for wimps
My sons not only text each other from the loo, they leave us women at home and go partying out together.

Sometimes the results are disastrous

I have one pilot and one mechanical engineer in the making as offsprings

Well they have re-engineered the car – perhaps they were making it fly

Its been a long sleepless night since Kid#2 who was driving got concussed. He still does not remember how he did this. Kid#1 somehow managed to get him to the hospital, (mercifully nothing broken – just bruises).

I wanna retire from parenting

I wanna run away

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY

For the past almost two years Kid#1 has been one foot in Philllipines and one foot in home sweet home.  To me who has not been out of town for years on end it sounds exciting.

To him who hates Phillipino food, it sucks bigg time.  Apparently they add sugar to all the food.  Every thing tastes sweet, which is a big no no for a true blood Punjabi vampire

Okay – lets ammend that to True Blood Punjabi Carnivore

I almost said “I love you Sookie!” in a gravelly vampire tone, OMG I love that series

So we have one hyper Kid#1 in the home, who wants to eat

1. Aloo Meat

2. Poshto

3. Baghare Baingan

4. Aloo Matar Vadi

5. Atta Halwa

6. Poori Halwa

7. Biriyani

and other things made with love by Mom.  Standard refrain being “But I am going away Ma!”  It is completely immaterial that the trip will hardly last three months!

I am flattered!  I love the fact that my kid misses some stuff that I cook.

What escapes me is that Kid#2 has stopped going to college for the past couple of days “Because Bhai is going away Ma!”

Now that is what I call Chance Pey Dance Marna!

Editor’s note :

Since readers are wanting an update on what DIL is up to ….

Well, DIL is the first one to demand her choice of food … from both her Ma and her MIL, she makes hay – bigg time

As for cooking !

She set rice to cook in the rice cooker last night!

We got some characterless ricey melange today morning – it was not a particularly happy choice for breakfast – we all passed it

Does anyone know some magic that can be done to overcooked rice?

I think I really had it easy as a kid.  Was the first daughter after a long ffffffffreaking long run of male children and made much of.

Then I had two sons ….

Even the dogs I had were male …..

The cats I kept did not matter since they know they do not belong to Earth and are here on temporary visa anyway!  So they keep to themselves.

Well the scene sure has changed!

For such a long time in the house I was the only one with a Y chromosome (correction, the only one with a XX chromosome!  Thanks people)

Now I live in the house of estrogen.

Two sons and two dogs are male but they cant keep up with two women and one female dog!

Welcome to hormone nightmares!

I am menopausal and can be totally unreasonable

DIL is queen of drama, so she can out-do menopausal me any time.

So where does this all take us?  Straight into the “Ismey tragedy hai, Ismey no one understands me hai, Ismey I will not listen to logic hai, ismey nobody loves me hai, Ismey you better listen to me hai”

Yeah like I said – Even one of the dogs is female

Two men and two male dogs are no match for

Jeannie the “Oh look at me I am so pretty dog”

DIL the I know I am right even if (in rare cases) I am wrong …. and gawd help you when my PMS flares up

and

ME , the no one loves me appreciates me values me I wanna go back to the galaxy far far away that I belong to.

Pheww !!! This is why protein bars will never work in my home.  Chocolate is the only solution.  I am gonna buy sackfulls, the stock is low!

I have been a single Mom since Kid#2 was 2 years old, and Kid#1 was 10 ……

Sorry to burst your bubble! This is not a Main Bechari post, because its been great! It has dawned upon me bit by bit that the only essential thing one has to have to play any role in life is one’s own self. The rest is …. peripherals I guess. When I realized that I would be single Mom, I literally quaked in my shoes! My generation was brought up on the image of Durga Khote dressed in white toiling endlessly on a sewing machine, or Rakhee telling her tormentors “Mere Karan Arjun ayengey, zaroor ayengey!” In truth, the scenario is different. My sons would actually say “Stop or My Mom will Shoot!”

The lessons learnt in life have been plenty, and I am blessed with excellent hindsight, totally 6/6

1. You need to be financially solvent. Yes, the ability to pay your bills is a big blessing, it shuts up the doomsday kind of well-wishers and also keeps critics at bay. Plus it gives you a sense of power that gets the kids in line too (this is a big blessing!)

2. You need to be emotionally solvent. As a mother, I realized that I could not love and nurture them unless I felt happy with myself. For that I needed to stop blaming others. I needed to know what I am, a flawed human being, and needed to be friends with myself. Only then could I parent my kids. It is at this point that the biggest love story of my life began! I discovered I loved me and so I could love others too.

3. You need to be “in” on your kids lives. Yeah, that means, use their language, try and make sense out of their rock music (even if it threatens to dislodge your dental fillings) and play basket ball with them even if your knees get tortured, and be friends with their friends. I did that, and what do you know, I even lost some minuscule amount of weight. Having youthful friends made me feel young myself!

4. You need to have a life of your own. This is a “gyan” that dawned on me slowly. I went overboard being with the boys and forgot to live my own life for a bit. Luckily I realized before they kicked me out of their lives. I have my life now, my friends, the net, and I have them too. Pretty good eh?

5. You gotta realize that The Buck Stops Here. Face it, you are the parent, and there is no one you can fall back on, for discipline or for financial help. I always wanted that sigh! To wave a menacing finger at the buggers and say “Just wait until Daddy gets home”, but I guess I managed pretty well eh?

6. Dont take yourself and your parenting skills seriously. Remember you are just doing the best you can with all sincerity and one day these *&^%$# are going to turn around and tell you pompously that you are a bad parent. Just smile and promise yourself that you will spoil their kids silly and turn them into insufferable horrors. It is the best you can do!

Being a single mother is eventful and demanding. It is rewarding too. Your kids may not thank you, but they can not take away the pleasure and pride you feel at seeing them stand tall and oh so grown up, interact intelligently and be independent.

As for gratitude????

It is past one in the afternoon. The ba*&^ds have not even wished me a Happy Mother’s Day as yet, forget about getting me some measly flowers!

Edited to add : They came to my office (yes I was working today even tho its a Sunday) with a chocolate cake!!! Aint that lovely?

Happy Mother’s Day

Yes it is! I am absolutely proud to belong to a country where a natural messy function like reproducing the species is deified and immortalized by movie dialogues like “Mere Paas Maa Hai” and a movie becomes a runaway hit because “Its all about loving your parents”. Yes sirs and madams, I am proud to be a Mom, not only to my boys and daugher in law, but also to the various friends they have brought home and also our three dogs ( I call ‘em fur babies). I was barely out of my adolescence (my kids beg to differ here, they still think I am one Humph!) when I had my first baby. I have never regretted it. Mad Momma tagged me with the Around the World in 80 clicks tag and it got me wondering.  What do I love about motherhood?

I am going to cheat here.  I totally agree with Mad Momma.  Five reasons is way too insufficient.  Being a mother means that you are practical, have no nakhras and are definitely not namby pamby and too full of bullshit.  Kids, bless their irreverent messy souls, ensure that.  If I get too big-headed, mine would laugh their guts out and bring me down with a thud!  For that matter, so would Michelle Obama’s delightful daughters.  It is in their job profile, “Bring your parents down a peg or two, so what if he/she is President of USA or the Shah of Bahrain”

And of course you have a working relationship with snot, puke, dribble, spilled meals, poop and other things that would gross a non-parent out.

1. I love the fact that  I will always have these two wonderful boys to call my own, no one can take it away from me.  They are mine.  Thanks to them, I have this whole youthful family of friends, their’s, my daughter-in-law’s family to call my own. 

2.  I love the fact that I can never be alone.  I come home to this warm home.  Ring a doorbell and the dogs come running down.  When they were younger, the boys would pounce on me the moment I parked the car with

“Mommmmmm! Today abhi this happened and that happened! ”

“Mommmm dont listen to him, listen to me first!”

Now, they make the effort to surprise me with a wonderfully cooked dinner.

3. I love the way the role reversal has happened.  I once held on to the bicycle firmly while they pushed the paddle with their tiny slippered feet, and now they grumble about my lousy parking skills and park the car for me.  They are so confident and adept at it.

4. I love the way they can ring up my cellphone at 1 a.m. in the night and scold me for being up.  “Aap ko pata nahin hai, you got to go to work tommorow?  Go to sleep now or I’ll confiscate your lap top”.  Funny! Once upon a time, I had hidden their Play Station leads for the very same reason.

5. The best thing about motherhood is total satisfaction that you have done this most important job well.   I know there are folks that would disagree with me and tell me I spoiled them totally.  But the kids are healthy, clean, intelligent and responsible and have no major vices.  I look at them with love and pride.  Their wit stuns me, their laughter and intelligence floors me, I respect them for their sense of duty and responsiblity and their concern for me warms my heart up. 

And above all, I did not make them or give them birth  ……

They made me what I am …….

THEIR MOM 

I am truly blessed to be their mother and enriched by becoming a Mom

My sons and daughter in law have decided that I am incapable of looking after myself.  It doesnt help matters that I love to cook – exotic stuff, if I repeatedly do dal+ghia+roti, I sleep walk through the cooking process, and the food is forgettable.  Blech!  Even I wouldnt eat what I dish out!

Any how – Kid#1 has decided I am a LIABILITY.  He has started checking out elderly ladies, you know the ones bent over with osteoporosis, or walking with the help of walkers and pointing them out to me.  Such a darn waste!  At his age he should be checking out PYTs.  Youth these days ….

Khair

He tells me that I am going to turn out to be like them, if he does not take matters into his hands.  Hence I am surrounded by the DINING TABLE MAFIA.  Every one at home (the two legged variety) are a part of it.  Our live-in help is quizzed about what I had for breakfast, what I took in my lunch box …. at dinner they scrutinize my plate and stop me from taking seconds.

HALP!!!!

I love dal chawal, rajmah, kadhi, aloo tarkari, koftas, palak paneer.  And of course my much maligned aloo gobhi which they threaten they will stop letting me cook.  Food is manna …. and the mafia is rationing it out to me in miniscule portions.

DIL has ruled that every time I drink tea after 8 pm, and every time I eat the dal chawal with my fingers I am fined Rs.100

There ought to be a law against grown sons and daughters trying to take controls out of your hands.

On one hand I feel immense joy and pride at such loving concern

On the other, I wanna kill them

They hid all the chocolate and put protein bars in the chocolate box in the fridge!

Dammit

Kid#2 is in college …. and has finally become a man

His Yahoo chat used to be “I am an unopened package”

Now it is “Yoohoo I am a man now”

Well, hoping to dig some dirt and graphic details for some explanation I rang up Kid#1

Me : What is Kid#2 up to?  Saw his chat ID, its changed

Kid#1 : Mom let him be!  He is announcing it around????!!! Duffer!

Me : (holding my breath in anticipation) Explain

Kid#1 : Stay out!

Stymied ( always wanted to use that word!) I ring up DIL

She says : Yeah I saw it too,  and Kid#1 rang me up.  I have no clue ….

But she sounds very amused.

Dammit not only are these kids keeping me in the dark, they even talk in tech braille and I am shut out.

Hmmm I think I will change my status message to “Mom dying of curiosity and tearing her hair”

Not fair I tell ya!  I am blogging in annoyed retailiation

If I survive this blog, see ya around

HOLI HAI!!

There are so many kinds of Holi revellers:

1.  SPORTS ENTHUSIASTIC HOLI REVELLER

The first is the kind that gets gujiya, water guns, water balloons, gulal, permanent color into place a few days before the event.  Then he gets his Bahadur, kids etc to join in filling the water balloons the night before D-Day , stored in a huge plastic tub at vantage point.  Talk about preparedness.  Such a reveller also has attack points, back-up points etc charted out a few days prior to D-Day.  Commonly found on the terrace, scouting possible victims.

2. GULAL KI TILAK (SIMPLE COLOR POWDER) HOLI REVELLER

These guys dress up in the cleanest of clothes, meet up with like minded Holi celebrators in the colony park where they put gulal politely on each other, feast on garma garam chai and pakoda while telling their enthusiastic kids “No beta, don’t play with water”.  Yours truly belongs to this category.  Commonly found in – yeah you got it – the colony park with a cup of tea.

3. NATURE ENTHUSIASTIC HOLI REVELLER

Chandan tika boxes, herbal colours etc.  I even met one who insisted on spraying ittar on me.  Very classy, very expensive – and to my middle class brain – very pretentious.  Commonly found in the rarified locality of the super rich and the arty types.

4. GANDI VAALI HOLI REVELLERS : THOSE THAT PLAY DIRTY

Kid #2 is proud member of this fraternity.  These guys buy the most pakka (permanent) colours, actually buy cartons of rotten tomatoes, trays of eggs and a pichkari to fill water balloons.  This is arsenal and they are going to war.  One car is converted into the war car, seats and other sensitive to color stuff is covered with polythene sheets and padded with towels.  The boot has buckets full of the water balloons, the car is loaded with all the ammo and with sufficient dhin chak music (This year it was Lucky Oye, Rock On, Emosanal Attyachar and the likes) that blare their evil intent, they sail forth looking for like minded warring opponents.  The fond parent gets a shock sometime at 4 pm when “Maa Ka Laadla” comes back with black, blue, purple and metallic blonde permanent colours painted all over him and stinking of rotten egg.  I always try to convince myself that the egg and tomato must be doing some good to his skin.  Commonly found in – the car of course.

5. LET US DISAPPEAR ON HOLI TYPES

My Kid#1 is a former No. 4 type fella who has now joined this fraternity in his old age (:D).  For the past 3 years, he stocks enough booze and snacks and he and his wife simply disappear for the rest of the world.  I am instructed to tell any one that they have gone out of town, on the strict warning that they will not allow me any food or booze if I tell on them.  “I my wife and my dogs do not play Holi” he told me in that oh so superior way.  Wrong thing to do!  I kept wondering “What if I told people they were hiding inside????”  It is too tempting LOL.  Commonly found in front of the TV holding hands sipping wine.

Of course how can one not write about Bhang???  Holi means Bhang right?  I mean what kind of barbarian does not know of the close connection between the two?  Holi is spring and fertility.  In fact the first colours were made with flowers and pollen.  So for any kind of great “fertility rites” to happen you need to lose inhibitions.  Any way, people were exhausted after the harvest … and needed a high to get going I guess.

I would like to have the bhang shardai, but Kid#1 plays spoil sport.  Sigh!  Just had it once in my life.  Man, I was in a trance after that.  Quite unsurprising that its known as Shiv ji’s prasad.  The damn thing takes you to alpha state without much effort!

Next Holi, I am gonna beg plead with every one who does not know Kid#1 to please gimme some.