TRUTH 1 :

So what if you got the world’s best education and have an IQ that is so high that any higher you would not be human? It does not matter unless you get off your butt and use it. Action …. that is the key. Sometimes that is all it boils down to. I know it is really simple, but one needs to be constantly reminded.

TRUTH 2 :

It took me a lot of time to arrive at this conclusion … being successful and being happy don’t mean the same thing. Some people are wildly successful but lonely, irritable and depressed. Some people live on the edge of financial disaster but can be the most positive, lighthearted people. Meena Kumari, cine actress of yesteryears drank herself to death, but people considered her a great success. The boy who cleans my car has a cellphone that blares his favorite music and he sings happily along while he cleans my car. So one needs to constantly ask oneself … Am I successful? Am I happy? And not freak if one gets different answers to the question.

TRUTH 3

There is only one person you work for – yourself. It does not matter if you have a job or own your business. The only time you work is when you feel motivated, and you feel motivated only if you have some personal interest in the work you are doing. So get involved and not simply clock time. You won’t excel unless you do so.

TRUTH 4

Its easy to mess up. Just throw up too many options. Too many options make decision making tough. Keep it simple and you make progress.

TRUTH 5

The choice is yours, you can be a success or a failure. You have the potential to be either of the two.

TRUTH 6

Never confuse vocation and calling. Vocation is what you do to earn money and pay your bills. You may be insanely good at it, even if you hate it. I know … I hate what I do to make a living. It is just a vocation. I am a writer by calling. I love to craft stories, tell tales (the taller, the better). But it does not pay my bills sadly. Hence I stick to my vocation.

TRUTH 7

This is ages old but can do with reminding …. Mistakes are progress. Every mistake teaches you something – even if it is just to be more careful the next time and not make it. So go ahead, mess up a bit. It may be fun, if may be horrible .. but it is better than sitting on your butt doing nothing.

TRUTH 8

If you hate someone, or dislike someone, it is your problem, not theirs. You may dislike a trait in the person, or have a bad relationship with the person … whatever. Just stop and think. Does it affect them? No! That person is just fine, the way he or she is. The problem is yours. Deal with it.

TRUTH 9

If you are making a decision in the heat of the moment, stop right there. You may be making a decision based on emotion. Those decisions can really harm you. Take time out, deal with the emotion first. Laugh, cry, rant, fight – whatever. Get it out of your system. Then take your decision. It will definitely be wiser and safer.

This is in italics because I need to learn and relearn this … sigh!

TRUTH 10

Opportunities are there in abundance – but their timings are always off. Grab them by the horns and make the best of them. I have rarely encountered one when I am free or have been wanting one. And most of them push me out of my comfort zone. I have let some of them slip away too, just because I was not ready, only to regret it later. Yes I am quite the mistress of inaction when faced with challenges. I have spent a lifetime learning and re-learning.

First of all a disclaimer … I am not a serious person, and definitely not a politically astute one.  So if you are going to be (God forbid) a boring adult and take my post seriously and get into an uproar, all I would like to say is “Nyah Nyah! I gotcha!”

Now that I have got the statutory disclaimer out of the way, let me tell the children who are with me … “Guys, just check out the 75 year old child, Anna Hazare.  He fixed it for us.  He just dug in his heels with a childlike obstinacy and won the day.  Makes me seriously value the child like simplicity which I am sure resides deep down in all of us.

You know, I have mentioned it in some other blog I wrote – whenever I am too confused or conflicted, I try and talk to a ten year old.  They dont understand a lot, but sure as hell know what is important and good.  It is intuitive for them.  It cuts through the bullshit and gets me through the muddled times.

So why cant we be that simple.  It isnt hard.  That is what our default mode aught to be.

Consider this

Children on an allowance cant spend more than they have. It is as simple as that.  Wont our economy benefit from stringent budgeting?  Hell yeah, it will.  Scamsters and greedy people like Raja and Kalmadi would not thrive in such conditions.  What is more, no parent would agree to give a child more, just because he votes himself a pay raise, or overspends his allowance.

Kids do not like to stand out

Kids know all about fitting in.  No kid would like to come to school in a stretch limo, when his peer group cycles down to school.  No kid would like to wear jeans to school when the rest are in uniform.  They hate being the odd man out.  They don’t like being viewed as a teacher’s pet, or a rich privileged person.

Kids say it like they see it

Sigh!  I wish the political spokespersons of Congress, BJP and other parties knew how refreshing it is to speak to children.  No political posturing, no statements that are so patently false like Manish Tiwari’s and Digvijay Singh’s in the recent past.

But then … TV would not be half as entertaining would it?

Children like to help

It gives them joy, to help their mothers at home, and their friends and school mates.  Its been a long time since I have seen such joy in doing something significant in the faces of our national leaders.

Children respect their elders and betters

Ahem …  Wish we remembered that … all of us

Kids do not want to differentiate with other kids on basis of caste, colour and creed … or economic status

And when we teach them to – they still wonder why …

Its time, I feel that we go back to the lovely black and white world we lived in as children.

Now excuse me while I throw a tantrum before a drink my medicine and wail loudly and say, “I don’t wanna ”

But I draw a line at staging hunger strikes.  I simply dont have the will power

As is the norm I discovered the Law much before I was introduced to Mr. Murphy who actually wrote it.

And it has played a major role in my life.  Always.

Now take this instance ….

Just before Diwali, I get diagnosed as diabetic.  So I go through Diwali sans sweets.  I go on this killer “I hate sweets and wont eat carbs” routine.  Sigh!  Who am I kidding?  Once I got used to the idea, I started sneaking in some sweets – but not much.  I dont wanna die do I?  But I stopped indulging in any random treat that came my way.

Then I developed an allergy against the medicine that was given to me.  So I stopped taking it and the allergy vanished.  After a week of no medicines I visited the Doc.  Yeah, I am the sort that does not go to doctors on the grounds that they may just discover some other stupid condition and give me medicines and diet regimens.

Well, the doc says that I am not diabetic.  WTF??

This is the same dude that declared me diabetic not so many months ago.

Still – to be sure, he sends me for some tests – fasting and post fasting blood tests.

The results came in – Nope I am not diabetic.

So me being me, I decided to celebrate.  I got up today morning, added a generous dollop of honey to my morning cornflakes.  Tasted horrible!

I made myself a juicy peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I feel like too much birthday cake in my mouth.  Horrible and rich.

I want to eat a spicy McChicken burger to prove to myself that I am still me.  But I have no faith in myself anymore.

I have lost the taste for things that I liked.

Need some hugs my friends

I greatly fear that either I have grown too sensible and/or old or that I have become a saint.

Help!!!

Somewhere along the line in this life, I seem to have given everyone the impression that I am too cheerful a person.  May be that is because the default expression on my face is a smile.  Well, that is because I find frowning takes too much energy.

But on a boring dull Saturday like this I want to be a grouch!

Sigh!

But that is so hard!

I walk into the house just wanting to go into my room and sulk …

DIL : (With a smile) Hellow!  How was office?

Me : Grmph!

Kid#1 : (Cheerily) Aur moti! Kee haal chaal?

Me : Creeping into my room : Mmmmph

Kid#2 : (Settled on my bed, watching TV) Yo Momma! ‘Sup? Ready for the weekend?

Me : (Giving up) Just wanna lie down a bit.  Can you turn off the TV and the light?

Kid#2 : Rubbish! Its Saturday night and you’re still young!  Partay!!!!

Me : Throwing myself on the bed with a frown …

All three galvanized into action

DIL : Boss given you a hard time?  Poor Ma! Shall we order take away?

Kid#1 : Here’s a vodka and orange juice.  I’ll make some chicken momos.  Just the kind you love.

Sigh!

I really wanted to sulk, groan and bitch ….

But its so hard to do that with a glass of vodka and a plateful of chicken momos made with so much love.

I know, I know

I’m spoilt

But before I can preen or count myself as blessed, I must remind myself …

They are probably congratulating themselves on the awesome bit of strategy they played on averting a huge “Poor tired and miserable Ma” sort of drama that I can stage.

Damn!

As a child, I asked a lot of questions. All kids do. My parents played the passing game with me. My mother would say “Go ask Papa” after answering a couple. My father, a great follower of Greek philosophers, aggravated the tendency by answering a question with a question. It was like that funny riddle we asked each other as kids “What maaney kya” (what’s the meaning of what?”) and the other answered “Kya” and you smirked and said “Kya?”

I know, lame one. Forget it!

Then after he tired of it, he would send me right back to my mother.

Yeah some questions …

1. How did the aloo get inside the pakora?

2. If God created us, who created God?

3. When I cry, my nose runs and my eyes swell up and get red. Why doesn’t Meena Kumari’s?
She was my mother’s favorite heroine. God! I had to endure a whole lot of sob movies of hers!

4. Why do grown ups ask stupid questions like :-

a) What is your name?
b) Which class do you study in?
(As if they care!)
c) Who do you love more, Mummy or Papa?
(Why should I answer? I’ll hurt one of them if I’m honest)
d) What do you want to be when you grow up?
(Dude, get a life will you? Will you be around then?)

5. Why did Kabir write so many dohas for us to memorize?

6. Why do I have to close my eyes and pray? Will God swallow my spirit if I look around?

7. When we die, where do we go?

8. I have a mother and father, so does my friend. Does God have parents too? Do they spank him?

9. Why is water wet?

10. Saved this for the last, when I asked this after a couple of weddings in the family. It got me into trouble …
People wear each other’s rings, have pheras and then go into the room. They then have babies. Is it the ring or the pheras?

Every one has a formula to live life by … a formula that one alters as one gains experience.  I have tended to jump into things first – learn the lessons later.  Some gyaan that my nature (which I never want to change) has taught me.

1. Talk to yourself.  It is healthy and even if you argue with yourself, you can’t make an enemy.  Say rude things, use the four letter word you always wanted to – to yourself.  You wont get slapped and you cant take offense to it. Besides, you are your own life long companion.

2. Day dream, always.  Its fun, its the mental equivalent of masturbation and its tax free.  Sometimes you may even gain deep wisdom and insights.

3. Religion is not something you are born into.  Religion has to be found, grown out of your own sense of God.  Every one can and should follow their own brand of religion.

4. If you don’t feel a particular religion working for you, change it by all means.  We change clothes, we change and evolve.  Why should our religion be just what people believed in centuries ago?

5. Don’t drink a Pepsi after eating kurkure.  It tastes awful.

6. Every one is mad.  The trick is to discover how to make your particular brand of madness work for you.  If you do, you have it made

7. If you fall in the ditch, look up at the stars.  It sure as hell soothes you down and makes you feel less of an ass.  It may make you feel like getting up and trying again.

8. You are not defeated until you give up.  You’re in the game as long as you keep trying.

9. When in doubt talk to a child.  Kids may not know complex things, but they intuitively know all that matters.

10. You are always in shit.  If two parts of your life are working beautifully, at another level something will always be in deep shit. So stop fretting and concentrate on what works.

11. In continuation to point 10 : “The good old days” is part fiction and part very-bad-memory.  They never happened so concentrate on the present, will ya?

12. When things get tough, there is always booze and music.  And if you have money in the pocket, there is always take out.  It cheers and makes things better.

13. Happiness is not a gift, it is a way of life.  It is a choice.

14. When you feel dead or depressed, do something crazy.  Kiss someone inappropriate, max your credit card, drive on the wrong side of the road. Okay, may be not the last option.  But it sure as hell makes you feel alive.

15. If you fuck up, don’t worry.  We are all here on temporary visa anyway.  Besides mistakes are the best way to learn.

16. Stand on your head and look around you.  Your favorite couch or that dresser looks new from that angle.  For the less agile, look at everything from a different view point.  Makes everything fresh.

17. Nothing matters apart from here and now.  When you are dead, its all finished any way.  Nothing existed before you were born.  So stop being so serious.

18. Boobs are an asset, so is a smile.  Use them … always

19. A kind word does not cost anything.  So don’t minge on compliments.

20. Breathe consciously – at least once a day, or if you can, meditate.

Hey, if you dont agree, learn your own lessons will ya? In any case its all bull shit.

There is a certain group of people who think I am arrogant.

So far so good.  I don’t care a rats arse what any other person’s opinion of me is.  I ain’t here to make friends and influence people.  I am here to live my life the best I can, still being myself.  Yes, the so called “arrogant” myself.

It started bothering me when people close to me got brainwashed into concurring with this person(s)

Or did they agree with this person(s)?

Now that was an uncomfortable thought.

So I started researching the term arrogant ….

Dictonary.com says that arrogance is

offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.  It gives synonyms like haughtiness, insolence, disdain.

That does not fit too well.

Urban dictionary says :

When a person is led to believe that they are in some way more superior to everybody else. Pride is fine up until a point, but as soon as you believe that you are in some special way better than everybody else, you become a dickhead.

and

Someone who is full of and thinks very highly of him/herself.

Oye hello!  This is why I blog!  Because I am so full of myself!

But I beg to differ.

I am sorry, people close to me, I do not have arrogance, I have pride.  This pride comes out of living my life and recognizing my own worth.  I have pride that I have borne the brunt of responsibilities that could have crippled lesser people.  I have the pride of a person who has been earning her own keep and supporting others since the age of 18.

I also know one important thing, something I have learnt in life.  People try to undermine other peoples’ self esteem by calling them loser, wuss, and even arrogant, so that the person can be brought down a few notches – so much easier to use, abuse, manipulate and humiliate.

I am not arrogant; I am just an insolent person who knows her own self worth and does not want to be used or manipulated.  This is a woman, too full of herself and will not change.  Burn if you must, but that is me.  This “ME” was born out of 50 years of walking this earth.  I ain’t gonna change it to suit your purpose. I wont be manipulated!

People criticize because they lack self esteem themselves.  They need to take cheap shots at others, because they themselves feel insecure.

So, people close to me, please grow more responsible and better human beings yourself.  Stop being a burden on others, live life on your own terms.  Be free!  If you do that, you will not feel the need to take cheap shots at others.

Arrogant, as per Urban dictionary, also means

A person who’s insecurity is disguised as confidence. Mostly in cases of taunting.

I think it fits your profile.

So “Arrogant” who?????

This is Life

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder about life and its meaning.  Mercifully, I do not like to drink deep from the well of wisdom.  I am sure my brain cells thank me for not overtaxing them and so does my giddy heart, which has a healthy repulsion to pain.

Don’t get me wrong guys, What I am trying to do here is rationalize I guess.  People do profound things; they go and sit with Anna Hazare who is protesting to get the Lokpal bill passed.  People start the CSA movement, fight for women’s rights and so much more.  Much as I admire it all, I don’t seem to have it in me to participate actively.

Yeah, the quintessential rebel MOI, my all time favorite hindi song, from the movie Hum Dono sums up my attitude beautifully …

main zindagi ka saath
nibhaata chala gaya

har fikar ko dhuen mein
udaata chala gaya

barbadiyon ka shok
manaana fizool tha

barbadiyon ka jashn
manaata chala gaya

har fikr ko dhuen mein uda

Yes, that song is my philosophy in life.  Nothing lasts, we won’t either.  The world will keep on spinning on its slightly tilted axis, when I am gone too.  I hope and pray that it will be a better place, but I have my moments of cynicism, when I wonder …”Will we make a difference?” and I wonder “Have human beings changed since the times of the Dropas, the Mayans and those chappies who painted on cave walls and cut hieroglyphics on stone?”

I don’t know if things will improve or not.  I don’t even know if people will remember me after I’m done with life.  Frankly speaking, it does not bother me much.  I know we are here on temporary visa anyway.  In my understanding, this world and the life we live is an obstruction course, where a whole lot of challenges are thrown at us.  There are folk, let’s call ‘em higher beings, sitting somewhere and watching us, much like Romans sat and watched the gladiators fighting.  Oh no!  They aren’t moralistic or prim and proper.  They are watching us tackle the obstacles, munching the higher beings equivalent of popcorn and chips, drinking the higher being equivalent of Pepsi and booze.

They possibly have a whole lot of money staked on their favorites.  I know I am one of the favorites.  I provide them wholesome entertainment.

I can just imagine conversation between Higher Being 1 and Higher Being 2, sitting at a tabernae and watching us little beings (actually me) on a screen …..

H.B.1 : Oye, the female over there, you know that short chubby one?  I just threw a googli at her.

H.B.2 : Pass me the HB kurkure and a HB beer.  Which one?(HB1 points with his mouse)  Oh that one!  And what did she do?

H.B.1 : She fell.  But then she got up, smiled and managed to go through.  It was fun watching her.  Good 3 earth years she took, but she did it.  Very entertaining.

H.B.2 : She did that?  Let’s throw a more twisted one at her.  Bet she won’t manage that with a smile.  Bet she quits.

H.B.1 : That is two bets.  What are the odds?  And how much are you willing to wager?

No wonder I wade through muck, get to high ground and then land in more muck

Keep smiling.  You never know who is watching  

After my last blog post, I received mails, and also some comments that touched upon the fact that the mother-daughter relationship can be an embittered one, and mine was not a unique case. To be honest, I have been crabby for the past few days, the emotions that I thought were buried and gone, resurfaced.

I felt that the time has come to write about this.

The human race has problems that no other species has on this planet. We need to wear clothes, learn how to balance ourselves on two legs to walk, and have the longest childhood. The last makes us astonishingly dependant on our parents. So we need our parent’s approval and desperately crave for it. After all for 20 years or more of our lives, we depend on them for our basic needs.

In an ideal world our mother would care, protect and nurture us, and defend us from hostile forces outside our homes. But then this is not the ideal world.

Here is a questionnaire I have copied verbatim from a book “Will I ever be good enough?” by Karyl McBride that helped me understand what I was going through and also achieve closure (to a certain extent)

Tick all the points that you feel are true of your relationship with your mother – the more you tick, the stronger the syndrome exists. Yes it is a syndrome called the “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”
and if my words ring true, your mother has it.

1. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
2. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she she try to top the feeling with her own?
3. Does your mother act jealous of you?
4. Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
5. Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a “good mother”?
6. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
7. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
8. Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?
9. When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce), does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
10. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
11. Does your mother deny her own feelings?
12. Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her own feelings or actions?
13. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carries a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
14. Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
15. Do you feel you were responsible for your mother’s ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
16. Did you have to take care of your mother’s physical needs as a child?
17. Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
18. Do you feel your mother was critical of you?
19. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
20. Are you shamed often by your mother?
21. Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
22. Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
24. Does your mother appear phony to you?
25. Does your mother want to control your choices?
26. Does your mother swing from egotistical to depressed mood?
27. Did you feel you had to take care of your mother’s emotional needs as a child?
28. Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
29. Do you feel valued, by mother, for what you do rather than who you are?
30. Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
31. Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
32. Does your mother compete with you?
33. Does your mother always have to have things her way?

Now, there is nothing you can do to help your mother, who is a grown woman and your parent. There is a lot you can do to protect yourself

1. Put physical distance between the two of you. Move away, to another town or country. That way you are not subjected to negativity all the time. No one needs constant reminder of their weak points. Every one has had downs and every one has character flaws. We do not need another human being to go on harping about them.

2. Keep verbal interactions to the minimum. Do not discuss your life with her. That way, she does not have ammo to hurt you with. Remember, she will not be supportive in your misfortune and you are an adult. You do not need that support which she is either unwilling to extend to you or incapable of extending to you.

3. Do not share your successes with her. She will show the world that she is so proud of your good fortune and achievement, but when alone she will say something nasty. Say, you get a raise. Your mother will brag about it to the world. But once alone she will remind you of the time when you got dumped or were hard of money. Oh it will be couched with the admonishment “Don’t forget the hard times” but you know and she knows that she is resenting your success. If you get a raise, don’t mention it.

4. Keep your friends and your mother separate. Otherwise she will criticize you and discuss your shortcomings with them, all under the guise of being very concerned about you and your “not so bright” future.

5. This comes from point no. 4. Keep your socializing with her very minimum. Do not have joint kitty parties or the same mandir or collectively attend a relative’s wedding. You may be humiliated by her in these social settings. The wounds will resurface long after she is dead and gone.

Hope this works for you. I learnt the hard way.

I like doing this on scraps of paper, in diaries and journals – the first time I am doing this on my blog.

Folks the laptop is showing me the Windows blue screen which in geeky parlance is equivalent to

Sigh!  Hence, no writing at home, and office is normally a distracted kind of place.

I have just killed off someone in my novel, and I need to either resurrect the person (thereby changing 3 chapters) or get someone more interesting (needs lots of grey matter).  Sigh, the guy was interesting but a pain so I killed him.  Aah the pleasure of playing God! (It also gave me 2.5 chapters mileage – can’t knock that off!)

Here goes :

Dear Ritu

You are a lazy bum, you know it, I know it – but we’ve got a great act put together.  Folks think you are driven.  Took me all my self control not to snort tea out of nostrils when the poor deluded guy said so.  So what if you are already on your third novel.  I can see you roll eyes at me.  Oh, ohkay, I know, I have to motivate you.

Here is my 6 point program

1. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

I kept shut when you multitasked by shelling peas with Karan Johar on the idiot box.  What you cook for dinner is none of my concern.  But when you tell me that you want to write the next chapter watching Arnab Goswami conduct his inquisition – i.e. The News Hour!!!!  Seriously who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?  And stop drooling, the guy looks like a tight assed school principal.  When the computer comes back from its hospital, no News Hour.  Hopefully World Cup will have ended too!

2. Short cuts are the longest routes to take.

If you had not got irritated by the character you wanted to bug others with and then bumped him off, you would not be biting your nails right now.  Look what short cuts do?  And don’t shrug and say “I only write for myself”.  That kind of unrealistic arguments did not look good on you when you were 30 and certainly don’t look good on you now!  Never ever sell yourself short or permit yourself to be ordinary.  You gotta be exceptional.  If you are going to be a pain in the ass, be a royal pain in the ass!  Get the picture?  Nothing shoddy or sub-standard for us.  And yes, be practical and realistic.

3. Do not aspire for mediocrity

Remember there is only one you and that one you is unique.  It is tempting to copy others or imitate.  Does not work!  You just become a cheap copy.  Oh yes, if you want to emulate someone, make sure that the someone is really special.  Otherwise you will end up being less-than-ordinary.  Even HimmesBhai with his nasal voice and Adnan Sami with his “gulping down a gulab jamun” voice brought something new and fresh to the table.  Do that.

4.  When in a rut do one thing that scares you

Even if it is burning your hair.  It sure as hell gets you out of the rut.  Better still if that one thing is risky.  You are doing so much fire fighting that you are invigorated and pumped up.  (I burnt my eyebrow yesterday hence the analogy).  It sure got me out of my whiny cribby mood!  For the less adventurous people, make new friends.  It always works.  If gives you something new to learn, to find out.  Or eat at a different place.  I think routine kills the joy of life.

5. It does not exist if no one has written it, you have not lost weight unless it shows on the scale

One may have a fantastic idea or a brilliant novel in the brain – but unless it is there in tangible form, how can one be sure?  And statistics prove that people who weigh themselves regularly are the ones that lose weight.  The rest regain whatever is lost.  As a corollary to this I will add : Romans had the right idea of burning their boats, they had no place to go but forwards.  Chalta Hai attitude is just that – mediocre and chalta hai.  Set your goals and move forward to achieve them.  No Arnab-on-the-side or Koffee with Karan.

6. Be real and be honest

Even if you are a rogue.  And people keep you honest and real.  Good friends and family tell you the truth about yourself.  Value them.  If Duryodhan had valued Vidur he would not have been a pompous jackass and would have seen through Krishna’s and Shakuni’s machinations.  Yes, my take on Krishna is different, he was definitely a fore-runner of Chanakya.  Be kind to people in distress, help others if you can, if not, guide them to the best of your abilities.  Remember, it always helps you in the long run.

Now get off your fat butt and get your laptop repaired.  And get the third novel out of the way

Your sane and rational self