Days since my television has gone kaput

4

Days that I have not watched television

6

Days that I have missed watching television

ONE

That too because I realized that I will miss Arnab holding his inquisition after the budget

Do we get Arnab on U Tube?

Do we?????

Remember the movie “In Pursuit of Happyness”?

I loved the movie, I completely got it too.  A small note on it for people who havent seen it.  It is an autobiographical account of Chris Gardener’s one year of homelessness in which he took custody of his son and also embarked on a life-changing professional endeavor.  That he eventually became a huge millionaire with lots of philanthropic endeavors etc etc is of course known to many.  Needless to say I cried when I watched it.

It focused on this guy’s struggle to keep his son with him, while not giving up.  Thing is – he went through a very difficult phase, but did not lose sight of what was important to him … his son and the desire to provide for him and protect him.

To me it focused on what is important …

What is important is love and family.  The rest comes much much later, and if it does not add richness to the above two, I guess one is doing something wrong.

It was my birthday weekend and it was so centred on love and family …

1. Kid#1 baked a chocolate cake, got me to cut it at midnight on 24th to bring my birthday in.  It was slightly burnt but tasted delicious

2. I took chutti from work – something I rarely do.

3. On 25th I shopped for clothes … loved it!  I normally avoid shopping, but this time I got good stuff.  Gurgoan malls, you rock!

4. Of course I wanted lots and lots of everything I can’t afford (They are either too expensive or too bad for my health) but Kid#1 hit the nail on the head when he started singing this song ….

aashayein khile dil ki
ummedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi
aashayein khile dil ki
ummedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi

When did these boys become so witty?

4. I got a beautiful bouquet of pink rosebuds …. yayyyy!

26th being Sunday became an extension of the 25th …

5. We went to the book fair and missed Preeti Shenoy who was there for her book launch

6. Went to Rupa bookstall and did not see my book anywhere.  Kyun Godji and Publisher ji?  Please do put my book on display.  Please …

7. We went to India Habitat Centre – I love the place, and I really love the All American Diner there.  The food is good, and the servings uff!

8. As usual I started looking around hoping to spot celebrities.  IHC, as usual, did not disappoint. Spotted Bacchi Karkaria and Satish Kaushik over there.  Man the place really rocks.

9. I also saw a skinny man wearing more piercings than Shah Rukh Khan in Ra One … alright I exaggerate, but seriously!  He even wore leather pants.  The look on Kid#2′s face was priceless when he saw me staring and took a look of the guy.  I was two glasses of draught beer down, and it never occurred to me to take a pic of his expression, damn!

10. In pursuit of Happyness …. one does not have to pursue it.  I have it in my heart, my sons make this possible for me.  Damn!  I love my life.

 P.S. : I decided to put a pic of the nazar battu in the beginning of the post and the kaala teeka at the bottom : because in spite of the famiglia laughing at me, I am hugely superstitious about them.  So laugh away you evil ones, I love you regardless.

As a child nature and natural surroundings, the flora and fauna did not mean anything to me, it was background and ambiance for life.

In other words I was spoilt, as I grew up in surroundings people pay huge money to go and holiday in.  I was about eight when we got posted to Shillong.  Subsequently we lived in Kohima and then Imphal.

I remember the steep hills of Shillong where I had to march uphill to the convent I studied in, breathing in the pine and citrus laden air.  I remember weeping bitterly when one day my father walked down the road and some clouds came down and he disappeared into them.  I was scared the clouds had swallowed him.  I was/am some sort of a sleepwalker, only I do this rarely now.  Once I got out of my bed, walked out and slept on the grass in the lawn.  I opened my eyes to find the ground covered with frost.  I had fun stomping the crunchy frost.  Of course the parents were horrified and that was one time I got no sympathy for falling ill!

But the place I loved was Imphal – that is where I discovered my love for animals.  Imphal town is a valley, through which the Imphal river flows, the soil is black, rich in minerals and nutrients and very fertile.  When we just moved into our home, my mother along with the gardener pulled out chunks of canna from the lawn.  My mother loaded a whole lot of uprooted plants on a small go cart I had and told me to go to the edge of the forest and throw them.  I did.  Next rains we could see something red in the forests and went to investigate.  The cannas had flourished in the rains and were marching back to the colony.

Siroi Lily – the fragrance still lingers in my mind (Image sourced from Google)

And there were so many orchids of the most unusually bright colours, posting one such picture

Would you believe it, Ma grew these in our lawn?

I found flowers and trees my mother loved pretty tame, they did not play with you.  Animals did.  My brother and I collected strays at an astonishing rate.  My mother did not like animals but government homes allotted to my father were huge, and we kept the animals out of her way, and peacefully co-habited.  The previous resident of the house had constructed a pond in the backyard.  Ma got it cleaned and during the rains she got fish put in it.  It was a struggle initially to keep the fish alive, since frogs ate the fish lings, but soon we had a passable amount of fish for our meals.  But even these did not play with us.  We got a couple of kittens home at first.  Ma did not object much, and the kittens were fun.  They were so playful!  We soon got used to checking the curtains before pulling them, so as to avoid having a kitty fall on our head.  Women do not window shop as avidly as cats do.  Our cats spent hours staring into the pond, hoping that some fish would oblige them by jumping out of the water and into their mouths.

Then we got ourselves a pup, Coco.  He was a stray we found howling in the nearby jungle, he was such an adorable bundle of fur.  At first he was completely bullied by the cats in the house, who would smack him and then climb up the curtains or trees in the garden.  He was petrified by them, until he grew up.  One day it dawned on him that he was bigger than them and could fight back!  Then cat and dog wars occurred much to our delight – the frequency and intensity could have put Tom and Jerry cartoons to shade!  The dog would be sleeping lazily in the sun, and one or the other cat would creep upto him and either pull his tail or smack him on the face.  The dog would get up and chase the cat who would climb a tree and then tease him by stretching out on a branch and playing with the leaves.  The poor dog!  All he could do was scratch the tree trunk and bark angrily.

Coco grew up into a huge dog.  He was hefty and ferocious looking, but a very gentle soul!  When one of our cats gave birth to kittens, he decided that he was the Daddy and would play with the kittens for hours, and guard them from wild animals and strangers.

We lived quite close to the Imphal river – which is lovely.  Of course we had to deal with a lot of mosquitoes but that could not be helped!

My father had to go once and inaugurate a thermal power plant.  It was in the wilderness.  The ceremony was boring, the speeches more so.  We kids went wandering around the jungle and came upon a sleeping orange tabby.  Naturally we picked it up and brought it home.  It slept all the way home.  At home, our dog and cats first came to greet us, and then fled the moment they smelt it.  We did not know why, but when I tried to feed it, it attacked me.  In a few moments, my arms were covered with scratches and bites.  It was then that my father realized that it was a lion cub!  It was quickly put into a wooden crate, fed some raw meat and the next morning it was sent to the zoo.  I, or course, got tetanus shots.

Manipur has lush green forests, and of course a lot of wild animals.  The dangerous ones like snakes and scorpions and leeches one had to tolerate.  But playful creatures like sangai deer were a delight.  They had no fear of vehicles and would often race alongside us, and if they overtook, they would look back, as though egging us to hurry up and catch up with them. (Image sourced from Google)

A unique feature of Imphal is the Khwairamband Bazaar, also known as Ima Bazaar.  Each and every shopkeeper there is a woman (Ima means Mother). Everything you need, fresh farm produce, meat, fish, fruits and vegetables, honey, clothes and woolens are sold here.  I know this has nothing to do with nature – but since I was writing about Imphal, I felt the post would be incomplete without this picture. (Image sourced from Google)

TRUTH 1 :

So what if you got the world’s best education and have an IQ that is so high that any higher you would not be human? It does not matter unless you get off your butt and use it. Action …. that is the key. Sometimes that is all it boils down to. I know it is really simple, but one needs to be constantly reminded.

TRUTH 2 :

It took me a lot of time to arrive at this conclusion … being successful and being happy don’t mean the same thing. Some people are wildly successful but lonely, irritable and depressed. Some people live on the edge of financial disaster but can be the most positive, lighthearted people. Meena Kumari, cine actress of yesteryears drank herself to death, but people considered her a great success. The boy who cleans my car has a cellphone that blares his favorite music and he sings happily along while he cleans my car. So one needs to constantly ask oneself … Am I successful? Am I happy? And not freak if one gets different answers to the question.

TRUTH 3

There is only one person you work for – yourself. It does not matter if you have a job or own your business. The only time you work is when you feel motivated, and you feel motivated only if you have some personal interest in the work you are doing. So get involved and not simply clock time. You won’t excel unless you do so.

TRUTH 4

Its easy to mess up. Just throw up too many options. Too many options make decision making tough. Keep it simple and you make progress.

TRUTH 5

The choice is yours, you can be a success or a failure. You have the potential to be either of the two.

TRUTH 6

Never confuse vocation and calling. Vocation is what you do to earn money and pay your bills. You may be insanely good at it, even if you hate it. I know … I hate what I do to make a living. It is just a vocation. I am a writer by calling. I love to craft stories, tell tales (the taller, the better). But it does not pay my bills sadly. Hence I stick to my vocation.

TRUTH 7

This is ages old but can do with reminding …. Mistakes are progress. Every mistake teaches you something – even if it is just to be more careful the next time and not make it. So go ahead, mess up a bit. It may be fun, if may be horrible .. but it is better than sitting on your butt doing nothing.

TRUTH 8

If you hate someone, or dislike someone, it is your problem, not theirs. You may dislike a trait in the person, or have a bad relationship with the person … whatever. Just stop and think. Does it affect them? No! That person is just fine, the way he or she is. The problem is yours. Deal with it.

TRUTH 9

If you are making a decision in the heat of the moment, stop right there. You may be making a decision based on emotion. Those decisions can really harm you. Take time out, deal with the emotion first. Laugh, cry, rant, fight – whatever. Get it out of your system. Then take your decision. It will definitely be wiser and safer.

This is in italics because I need to learn and relearn this … sigh!

TRUTH 10

Opportunities are there in abundance – but their timings are always off. Grab them by the horns and make the best of them. I have rarely encountered one when I am free or have been wanting one. And most of them push me out of my comfort zone. I have let some of them slip away too, just because I was not ready, only to regret it later. Yes I am quite the mistress of inaction when faced with challenges. I have spent a lifetime learning and re-learning.

First of all a disclaimer … I am not a serious person, and definitely not a politically astute one.  So if you are going to be (God forbid) a boring adult and take my post seriously and get into an uproar, all I would like to say is “Nyah Nyah! I gotcha!”

Now that I have got the statutory disclaimer out of the way, let me tell the children who are with me … “Guys, just check out the 75 year old child, Anna Hazare.  He fixed it for us.  He just dug in his heels with a childlike obstinacy and won the day.  Makes me seriously value the child like simplicity which I am sure resides deep down in all of us.

You know, I have mentioned it in some other blog I wrote – whenever I am too confused or conflicted, I try and talk to a ten year old.  They dont understand a lot, but sure as hell know what is important and good.  It is intuitive for them.  It cuts through the bullshit and gets me through the muddled times.

So why cant we be that simple.  It isnt hard.  That is what our default mode aught to be.

Consider this

Children on an allowance cant spend more than they have. It is as simple as that.  Wont our economy benefit from stringent budgeting?  Hell yeah, it will.  Scamsters and greedy people like Raja and Kalmadi would not thrive in such conditions.  What is more, no parent would agree to give a child more, just because he votes himself a pay raise, or overspends his allowance.

Kids do not like to stand out

Kids know all about fitting in.  No kid would like to come to school in a stretch limo, when his peer group cycles down to school.  No kid would like to wear jeans to school when the rest are in uniform.  They hate being the odd man out.  They don’t like being viewed as a teacher’s pet, or a rich privileged person.

Kids say it like they see it

Sigh!  I wish the political spokespersons of Congress, BJP and other parties knew how refreshing it is to speak to children.  No political posturing, no statements that are so patently false like Manish Tiwari’s and Digvijay Singh’s in the recent past.

But then … TV would not be half as entertaining would it?

Children like to help

It gives them joy, to help their mothers at home, and their friends and school mates.  Its been a long time since I have seen such joy in doing something significant in the faces of our national leaders.

Children respect their elders and betters

Ahem …  Wish we remembered that … all of us

Kids do not want to differentiate with other kids on basis of caste, colour and creed … or economic status

And when we teach them to – they still wonder why …

Its time, I feel that we go back to the lovely black and white world we lived in as children.

Now excuse me while I throw a tantrum before a drink my medicine and wail loudly and say, “I don’t wanna ”

But I draw a line at staging hunger strikes.  I simply dont have the will power

As is the norm I discovered the Law much before I was introduced to Mr. Murphy who actually wrote it.

And it has played a major role in my life.  Always.

Now take this instance ….

Just before Diwali, I get diagnosed as diabetic.  So I go through Diwali sans sweets.  I go on this killer “I hate sweets and wont eat carbs” routine.  Sigh!  Who am I kidding?  Once I got used to the idea, I started sneaking in some sweets – but not much.  I dont wanna die do I?  But I stopped indulging in any random treat that came my way.

Then I developed an allergy against the medicine that was given to me.  So I stopped taking it and the allergy vanished.  After a week of no medicines I visited the Doc.  Yeah, I am the sort that does not go to doctors on the grounds that they may just discover some other stupid condition and give me medicines and diet regimens.

Well, the doc says that I am not diabetic.  WTF??

This is the same dude that declared me diabetic not so many months ago.

Still – to be sure, he sends me for some tests – fasting and post fasting blood tests.

The results came in – Nope I am not diabetic.

So me being me, I decided to celebrate.  I got up today morning, added a generous dollop of honey to my morning cornflakes.  Tasted horrible!

I made myself a juicy peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I feel like too much birthday cake in my mouth.  Horrible and rich.

I want to eat a spicy McChicken burger to prove to myself that I am still me.  But I have no faith in myself anymore.

I have lost the taste for things that I liked.

Need some hugs my friends

I greatly fear that either I have grown too sensible and/or old or that I have become a saint.

Help!!!

Somewhere along the line in this life, I seem to have given everyone the impression that I am too cheerful a person.  May be that is because the default expression on my face is a smile.  Well, that is because I find frowning takes too much energy.

But on a boring dull Saturday like this I want to be a grouch!

Sigh!

But that is so hard!

I walk into the house just wanting to go into my room and sulk …

DIL : (With a smile) Hellow!  How was office?

Me : Grmph!

Kid#1 : (Cheerily) Aur moti! Kee haal chaal?

Me : Creeping into my room : Mmmmph

Kid#2 : (Settled on my bed, watching TV) Yo Momma! ‘Sup? Ready for the weekend?

Me : (Giving up) Just wanna lie down a bit.  Can you turn off the TV and the light?

Kid#2 : Rubbish! Its Saturday night and you’re still young!  Partay!!!!

Me : Throwing myself on the bed with a frown …

All three galvanized into action

DIL : Boss given you a hard time?  Poor Ma! Shall we order take away?

Kid#1 : Here’s a vodka and orange juice.  I’ll make some chicken momos.  Just the kind you love.

Sigh!

I really wanted to sulk, groan and bitch ….

But its so hard to do that with a glass of vodka and a plateful of chicken momos made with so much love.

I know, I know

I’m spoilt

But before I can preen or count myself as blessed, I must remind myself …

They are probably congratulating themselves on the awesome bit of strategy they played on averting a huge “Poor tired and miserable Ma” sort of drama that I can stage.

Damn!

As a child, I asked a lot of questions. All kids do. My parents played the passing game with me. My mother would say “Go ask Papa” after answering a couple. My father, a great follower of Greek philosophers, aggravated the tendency by answering a question with a question. It was like that funny riddle we asked each other as kids “What maaney kya” (what’s the meaning of what?”) and the other answered “Kya” and you smirked and said “Kya?”

I know, lame one. Forget it!

Then after he tired of it, he would send me right back to my mother.

Yeah some questions …

1. How did the aloo get inside the pakora?

2. If God created us, who created God?

3. When I cry, my nose runs and my eyes swell up and get red. Why doesn’t Meena Kumari’s?
She was my mother’s favorite heroine. God! I had to endure a whole lot of sob movies of hers!

4. Why do grown ups ask stupid questions like :-

a) What is your name?
b) Which class do you study in?
(As if they care!)
c) Who do you love more, Mummy or Papa?
(Why should I answer? I’ll hurt one of them if I’m honest)
d) What do you want to be when you grow up?
(Dude, get a life will you? Will you be around then?)

5. Why did Kabir write so many dohas for us to memorize?

6. Why do I have to close my eyes and pray? Will God swallow my spirit if I look around?

7. When we die, where do we go?

8. I have a mother and father, so does my friend. Does God have parents too? Do they spank him?

9. Why is water wet?

10. Saved this for the last, when I asked this after a couple of weddings in the family. It got me into trouble …
People wear each other’s rings, have pheras and then go into the room. They then have babies. Is it the ring or the pheras?

Every one has a formula to live life by … a formula that one alters as one gains experience.  I have tended to jump into things first – learn the lessons later.  Some gyaan that my nature (which I never want to change) has taught me.

1. Talk to yourself.  It is healthy and even if you argue with yourself, you can’t make an enemy.  Say rude things, use the four letter word you always wanted to – to yourself.  You wont get slapped and you cant take offense to it. Besides, you are your own life long companion.

2. Day dream, always.  Its fun, its the mental equivalent of masturbation and its tax free.  Sometimes you may even gain deep wisdom and insights.

3. Religion is not something you are born into.  Religion has to be found, grown out of your own sense of God.  Every one can and should follow their own brand of religion.

4. If you don’t feel a particular religion working for you, change it by all means.  We change clothes, we change and evolve.  Why should our religion be just what people believed in centuries ago?

5. Don’t drink a Pepsi after eating kurkure.  It tastes awful.

6. Every one is mad.  The trick is to discover how to make your particular brand of madness work for you.  If you do, you have it made

7. If you fall in the ditch, look up at the stars.  It sure as hell soothes you down and makes you feel less of an ass.  It may make you feel like getting up and trying again.

8. You are not defeated until you give up.  You’re in the game as long as you keep trying.

9. When in doubt talk to a child.  Kids may not know complex things, but they intuitively know all that matters.

10. You are always in shit.  If two parts of your life are working beautifully, at another level something will always be in deep shit. So stop fretting and concentrate on what works.

11. In continuation to point 10 : “The good old days” is part fiction and part very-bad-memory.  They never happened so concentrate on the present, will ya?

12. When things get tough, there is always booze and music.  And if you have money in the pocket, there is always take out.  It cheers and makes things better.

13. Happiness is not a gift, it is a way of life.  It is a choice.

14. When you feel dead or depressed, do something crazy.  Kiss someone inappropriate, max your credit card, drive on the wrong side of the road. Okay, may be not the last option.  But it sure as hell makes you feel alive.

15. If you fuck up, don’t worry.  We are all here on temporary visa anyway.  Besides mistakes are the best way to learn.

16. Stand on your head and look around you.  Your favorite couch or that dresser looks new from that angle.  For the less agile, look at everything from a different view point.  Makes everything fresh.

17. Nothing matters apart from here and now.  When you are dead, its all finished any way.  Nothing existed before you were born.  So stop being so serious.

18. Boobs are an asset, so is a smile.  Use them … always

19. A kind word does not cost anything.  So don’t minge on compliments.

20. Breathe consciously – at least once a day, or if you can, meditate.

Hey, if you dont agree, learn your own lessons will ya? In any case its all bull shit.

There is a certain group of people who think I am arrogant.

So far so good.  I don’t care a rats arse what any other person’s opinion of me is.  I ain’t here to make friends and influence people.  I am here to live my life the best I can, still being myself.  Yes, the so called “arrogant” myself.

It started bothering me when people close to me got brainwashed into concurring with this person(s)

Or did they agree with this person(s)?

Now that was an uncomfortable thought.

So I started researching the term arrogant ….

Dictonary.com says that arrogance is

offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.  It gives synonyms like haughtiness, insolence, disdain.

That does not fit too well.

Urban dictionary says :

When a person is led to believe that they are in some way more superior to everybody else. Pride is fine up until a point, but as soon as you believe that you are in some special way better than everybody else, you become a dickhead.

and

Someone who is full of and thinks very highly of him/herself.

Oye hello!  This is why I blog!  Because I am so full of myself!

But I beg to differ.

I am sorry, people close to me, I do not have arrogance, I have pride.  This pride comes out of living my life and recognizing my own worth.  I have pride that I have borne the brunt of responsibilities that could have crippled lesser people.  I have the pride of a person who has been earning her own keep and supporting others since the age of 18.

I also know one important thing, something I have learnt in life.  People try to undermine other peoples’ self esteem by calling them loser, wuss, and even arrogant, so that the person can be brought down a few notches – so much easier to use, abuse, manipulate and humiliate.

I am not arrogant; I am just an insolent person who knows her own self worth and does not want to be used or manipulated.  This is a woman, too full of herself and will not change.  Burn if you must, but that is me.  This “ME” was born out of 50 years of walking this earth.  I ain’t gonna change it to suit your purpose. I wont be manipulated!

People criticize because they lack self esteem themselves.  They need to take cheap shots at others, because they themselves feel insecure.

So, people close to me, please grow more responsible and better human beings yourself.  Stop being a burden on others, live life on your own terms.  Be free!  If you do that, you will not feel the need to take cheap shots at others.

Arrogant, as per Urban dictionary, also means

A person who’s insecurity is disguised as confidence. Mostly in cases of taunting.

I think it fits your profile.

So “Arrogant” who?????