Tag Archives: Self Help

Motivation sermon to self

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I like doing this on scraps of paper, in diaries and journals – the first time I am doing this on my blog.

Folks the laptop is showing me the Windows blue screen which in geeky parlance is equivalent to

Sigh!  Hence, no writing at home, and office is normally a distracted kind of place.

I have just killed off someone in my novel, and I need to either resurrect the person (thereby changing 3 chapters) or get someone more interesting (needs lots of grey matter).  Sigh, the guy was interesting but a pain so I killed him.  Aah the pleasure of playing God! (It also gave me 2.5 chapters mileage – can’t knock that off!)

Here goes :

Dear Ritu

You are a lazy bum, you know it, I know it – but we’ve got a great act put together.  Folks think you are driven.  Took me all my self control not to snort tea out of nostrils when the poor deluded guy said so.  So what if you are already on your third novel.  I can see you roll eyes at me.  Oh, ohkay, I know, I have to motivate you.

Here is my 6 point program

1. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

I kept shut when you multitasked by shelling peas with Karan Johar on the idiot box.  What you cook for dinner is none of my concern.  But when you tell me that you want to write the next chapter watching Arnab Goswami conduct his inquisition – i.e. The News Hour!!!!  Seriously who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?  And stop drooling, the guy looks like a tight assed school principal.  When the computer comes back from its hospital, no News Hour.  Hopefully World Cup will have ended too!

2. Short cuts are the longest routes to take.

If you had not got irritated by the character you wanted to bug others with and then bumped him off, you would not be biting your nails right now.  Look what short cuts do?  And don’t shrug and say “I only write for myself”.  That kind of unrealistic arguments did not look good on you when you were 30 and certainly don’t look good on you now!  Never ever sell yourself short or permit yourself to be ordinary.  You gotta be exceptional.  If you are going to be a pain in the ass, be a royal pain in the ass!  Get the picture?  Nothing shoddy or sub-standard for us.  And yes, be practical and realistic.

3. Do not aspire for mediocrity

Remember there is only one you and that one you is unique.  It is tempting to copy others or imitate.  Does not work!  You just become a cheap copy.  Oh yes, if you want to emulate someone, make sure that the someone is really special.  Otherwise you will end up being less-than-ordinary.  Even HimmesBhai with his nasal voice and Adnan Sami with his “gulping down a gulab jamun” voice brought something new and fresh to the table.  Do that.

4.  When in a rut do one thing that scares you

Even if it is burning your hair.  It sure as hell gets you out of the rut.  Better still if that one thing is risky.  You are doing so much fire fighting that you are invigorated and pumped up.  (I burnt my eyebrow yesterday hence the analogy).  It sure got me out of my whiny cribby mood!  For the less adventurous people, make new friends.  It always works.  If gives you something new to learn, to find out.  Or eat at a different place.  I think routine kills the joy of life.

5. It does not exist if no one has written it, you have not lost weight unless it shows on the scale

One may have a fantastic idea or a brilliant novel in the brain – but unless it is there in tangible form, how can one be sure?  And statistics prove that people who weigh themselves regularly are the ones that lose weight.  The rest regain whatever is lost.  As a corollary to this I will add : Romans had the right idea of burning their boats, they had no place to go but forwards.  Chalta Hai attitude is just that – mediocre and chalta hai.  Set your goals and move forward to achieve them.  No Arnab-on-the-side or Koffee with Karan.

6. Be real and be honest

Even if you are a rogue.  And people keep you honest and real.  Good friends and family tell you the truth about yourself.  Value them.  If Duryodhan had valued Vidur he would not have been a pompous jackass and would have seen through Krishna’s and Shakuni’s machinations.  Yes, my take on Krishna is different, he was definitely a fore-runner of Chanakya.  Be kind to people in distress, help others if you can, if not, guide them to the best of your abilities.  Remember, it always helps you in the long run.

Now get off your fat butt and get your laptop repaired.  And get the third novel out of the way

Your sane and rational self

New Year Resolutions

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(Image courtesy www.elfwood.com)

So what are your new year resolutions?

Have you made a list which contains the following

1. Lose Weight

2. Get out of the debt trap

3. Stop smoking

4. Start an exercise routine

5. Join a gym

6. Learn something new – language, skill whatever …..

Errr Halt!  Enough of that

You’ll have cheated on your diet, missed gym and bought the absolutely darling gizmo before you know it.  Happens every February you know

SOME NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS THAT HOPEFULLY WILL WORK

1. “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” Nah I didnt say it, Eleanor Roosevelt did.

2. Act your age, think your age …  Mohammed Ali once said, “If a man of fifty acts like he did when he was twenty, he’s wasted thirty years.”  I would add, don’t try and date the cute bimbette – you wont have anything common once the lust dies.  On second thoughts, go in for the ride, but dont look for a lasting relationship.

3. Fall in love – with yourself, with life, with this world, yeah with someone.  It truly is a wonderful place to be in.  For the die hard cynics – You might as well …. since you aint going any place else soon

4. Do some springcleaning.  Throw away all the bills, the warranty cards for things long since dead and gone.  Keep all the love letters, hand made cards made by your children.

5. Go through the old albums, laugh at the wierd hairstyles and clothes.

In short the only New Year Resolution that works is to live, laugh and love – sincerely with your whole heart.  It is the only way to live

In fact, I would also add, if you wanna hate – do that wholeheartedly too.  Experience the emotion, break a few plates, throw a tantrum, scream … do what you have to – and get it out of your system.

Then you can get back to doing what you  should be doing … living life KING SIZE~~~~~ QUEEN SIZE

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

The Slimming Industry has us to reckon with heh!

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It is apparent that all women beyond a certain age have had enough of the bullying done by fitness centres, slimming industry and other people who want to do us great harm by making simple eating and drinking feel like sinning. Just read the story below …..

Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin, tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym:
“THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?”

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention, how could they have sex?? Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store??

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice-cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who loves me, and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think:

“Good gosh, look how smart I am.”

I love her already!

Love and Stuff

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Monika tagged me to write about my Amar Prem, my long lasting love story about myself, and I do love to be centre-stage :P , so this tag is something I will totally enjoy doing.

I think self love is the best thing since sliced bread. Our elders were brought up on a totally irritating brand of pseudo humility which made me get apoplectic with rage!

Does any one remember phrases like “Mere garibkhane mein aayey please”?, or the translated “Welcome to my humble abode”. So absolutely fake!

Then we were preached at for “Simple Living and High Thinking”. The sermons were all geared at telling us that this world is an illusion, we were supposed to deny ourselves any thing good and fun so that we attained a higher level of rewards. Funny how similar that sounds to the poor misguided Jihadis who are promised I dont know how many virgins in Jannat, if they manage to kill others and themselves!!!

I mean I am all for being level headed, but groveling is not good either for the soul or the knees. Self Love is all about being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself and being friends with yourself. Self love is all about the Loreal ad “Because I am worth it”. :D

The added advantage is that you get your prize right here and right now! Why wait till we die anyway. May be I am born a parrot the next life, then that awesome pair of diamond earrings wont be what I want anyway!

I love me “Because I am worth it!”, I am moody, can go from angel to bitch in 0.005 seconds flat. So what?!!, So I am a flawed human being, but I stand up for me and mine, protect and nurture who I think are mine, and I belong to me so I love me :P

I dig my sense of humor. I can find the ridiculous in the most grim,insane and even tragic situations. It has led to many uncomfortable moments with me hiding in the loo to overcome fits of giggles (I am giggly) but it makes me a happy soul

I am fiercely independent and I respect that in me and in others if I see a similar spark. It makes me want to do more, achieve a lot in life.

I love eating my own cooking. Saves a lot of money but adds to work {groan}

I respect my outspoken nature. I totally despise hypocrisy and value honest opinions, and I think it makes me a better human being – even though it gets me into humongous amounts of trouble.

Sigh …. done the five points, but there are soo many other things I appreciate about me …..

Walks off reciting this poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (its my favorite love poem)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Why do you blog?

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Why do you blog?

Because I have so much to say – and no one to hear me out.

That’s bullshit
It may be bullshit but its true

I’ve read your blog – and its not the true you
Uhuh?

In any case – its only 3% of you. Oh okay, may be 45% of you. Its kind of unreal.
Oh hey – what do you want me to do – list the moles I have on my body or blog about the many times we go visit the loo i.e. me and the others in my family?

Don’t you have a life other than this blogging?
Hmmm wonder if someone asked Shakespeare this question?

So you think you are Shakespeare haan?
I write in a different genre

I think it gives you a faltu type ego, and is making you turn fake.
WTF!!!! Fake???????

Editor’s Note :Well, there might be some grain of truth in the objector …… and I do promise to myself that I will live in real time too.However that said and done, I wonder why this had to surface after the award?

My question to others on blogosphere : Do you feel that we live too much in the virtual world and turn fake for the people who know us in real time?

What is your get-rich plan?

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I got this email in the morning which started me thinking.  May be you have recieved it too – but its worth repeating here:-

A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out. Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.Suddenly an old man appeared before him.
“I can see that something is troubling you,” he said.
After listening to the executive’s woes, the old man said, “I believe I can help you.”
He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying,
“Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time.”
Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

“I can erase my money worries in an instant!” he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.
With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.
Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.
“I’m so glad I caught him!” she cried. “I hope he hasn’t been bothering you. He’s always escaping from the rest home and telling people he’s John D. Rockefeller.”
And she led the old man away by the arm.
The astonished executive just stood there, stunned. All year long he’d been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.
Suddenly, he realized that it wasn’t the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

When my marriage broke up – I had no home, two children aged 10 and 2 respectively.  And I had no savings.  I just had a job as a very junior executive with a salary that barely made ends meet.  No friends either –  when marriages break up, friendships also do.  My mother had issues – since she never approved of me or the divorce.  What I had going for me was that my boys thought I was Goddess, and I couldn’t let them down.  I thanked heavens that my father had insisted that I complete my education.  So bolstered by the faith of my sons and my degrees, I picked my arse from the pits, fixed a smile on my face and started rebuilding my life.  I had no time to moan “Poor misunderstood me” which is such a blessing.  I have no patience for the Main Bechari types.  It has been a long journey, where, as they said in the old bollywood trailers : Isme action hai, thrill hai, romance hai, tragedy hai, laughter hai.  Battles have been fiercely fought, some have been lost, some won.  All said and done, its been a rich life, absolutely worth living.

I am a strong believer in positivity.  Good things attract good things.  Rich things attract rich things.  Like the Kabir doha “Maya Ko Maya Miley, Kar Kar Lambe haath”.  When broke, I have put monopoly money in my wallet.  Does wonders to your morale.  Hmmm, no, dont call the lunatic asylum – I am just borderline crazy, and harmless - swear.                :D

My true wealth is the love and faith of my children, and of course my wonky sense of humour.  As long as I have these with me, Duniya Meri Mutthi Mein Hai and I can give Rockefeller a run for his money.  That has been my get-rich plan.  What is yours?

Self Help Advise = Nirvana??? I Think Not!!

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Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished”.
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos,and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace .

I did not write that – its one of the lovely forwards one gets. If I had written it, I would have been proud of it.

If you look around any book shop, it is filled from top to bottom with self improvement books. Ever wondered why there are so many of them? They sell instant nirvana. Every book is supposed to be the last word on how they can help you solve all the problems in your life, make profits, get out of debt and be on the top of the game. Is it really so??? I think this would be true if every one lived the same life, in the same way. What might suit person A can not suit person B.

I have read quite a few of them, and then I realised what would work or would not

  • The books will not live my life for me
  • They will not pay my credit card bills
  • They will not deal with angry teachers at parent-teacher meetings
  • They will not deal with crooked mechanics, I will have to go get my car repaired myself
  • They wont deal with unreasonable bosses or meet unrealistic targets/deadlines
  • They wont deal with teenage angst or boys
  • They dont deal with ex husbands …… sigh!!!!

However they can do this :

  • They can clear up your preconcieved notions
  • They can teach you how to think
  • They can give you guidelines on stress management

The most important thing I ever learnt from those books was that I am responsible for my own life and that I decide whether I am happy or sad – no one or nothing else can.

Finally this picture says it all