I am picking up Monika’s tag with a lot of mixed feelings. Its not because I feel embarassed or ashamed about my wedding, but its more like “Do I want to revisit the scene of the crime in which I got caught?”. I mean if you have made an ass of yourself, and got caught at it, you’d rather not go back and view the entire episode once more would you? But then – the quotation “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” was coined by wise people when they met and analyzed someone like me I guess.

Ex is part Bengali and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji). The appelation Khatri+Arya Samaaaji has been keyed in because it has a significant role to play in the entire story.

I come from a stock of part Punjabi Jain and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji).

When Mom was opposed to the wedding, she yelled at me : He’s Bengali and you’re Punjabi, what will your kids be?

“Mongrels!” I yelled right back

I never thought of not having kids, idiot that I am! I would have been a very wealthy bitch if I did not have such bad tastes, but possibly snotty, unhappy and bitter. Ah well!

My parents decided to get me married to a suitable boy.

I decided otherwise. So wedding no. 1 happened.

Ex and I eloped in the inauspicious month of shraddh, a pandit was abducted and forced to perform the ceremony in someone’s disused factory. A person was introduced to me with “Hey Ritz this is your parent who’s gonna do the kanyadaan” and I said “Hi howdyodu!”. I was freaking out, breaking into cold sweat every single second, but was adamant that I had to marry this guy and this guy only. Ex was part grateful and part streamrollered by my determination. Photographs were duly taken as proof (the court required them). We partied, and then I went back to the hostel and Ex went back to his place.

Wedding no. 2 or the wedding that did not happen

A friend who was studying law escorted us to get our marriage registered by the court. The court required the banns to be published plus there was this little, minor, teensy weensy issue of the bride’s age. I had a melt down, screamed at the love of my life, quarreled with said friend and generally behaved like a diva. I could see ex having serious second thoughts about our future life. His fault right? He should have known better that to fall in love with me.

Wedding no. 3

My father smartly decided that me and my mother, both of who could be depended upon for even disagreeing about the colour of milk (white/yellowish white) could settle the issue of my wedding. It was simple. My mother refused to recognize it, and I refused to come back home from the hostel unless she did. Ex could pay the hostel fees, big effin deal! We had rounds and rounds of verbal bouts. I decided that I would never laugh at a B grade romantic Hindi movie again. My life seemed to be running true to that format. Things came to head one day when we met at a neutral place (a coffee shop) and I refused to take pocket money from them on grounds that I was married and did not need it. Told ya, I have the makings of a snotty bitch! My kids nip such developments at the bud and keep me humble.

My father, hitherto a quiet and concerned spectator, interjected before Mom threw her coffee at me and I walked out. He said “Okay she is married, so lets just leave it at that. We can acknowledge ex as son-in-law, and we can start life and rebuild relationships”.

I burst into grateful tears and said “Papa I love you.”

Mom was horrified “Log kya kahenge?”. But oh well, at least he had some Punjabi Khatri blood in him. Oh she also had fears that a marriage done in shraddh could never be good. So she insisted I have proper feras. So dear readers, the roka happened 14 days after I got married! Told ya, my life is frickin insane. The kundalis were matched by a pandit who (man gotta give him 100% for accuracy!) said “They’ve already got married!” in front of my Tayaji. Mom had a melt down. Then we had the ring ceremony and the wedding.

Phew!

My friend B…. once observed when the marriage was in doldrums

“Ritz you got married thrice … (Actually two and a half, but who’s counting?)

“Yeah I know”

“To the same dude!”

Me with a deep sigh “Yeah I know, dont rub it in!

Yeah I know …. I know …… I am frickin insane!

I tag the following

Tikuli

Shail

Indiyeah She recently got engaged so may have interesting stories

Soli

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