Bigamy … my thoughts

Posted on October 25, 2008 by phoenixr

The Maharastra Government gave its green signal to amend Section 125 of Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) which seeks to protect the pecuniary interests of the ‘other woman’. However, it would need the Centre’s stamp of approval to become a law. Live in relations will finally become legal in India and wives out of wedlock will become “heirs” along with their children. The caste and dowry system will vanish for ever. Education system of filling up of forms will change as well. Questions wherein one had to fill in the father’s name now will have just the guardian’s name. The sacrament of marriage will become inconsequential as it is made null and void by the court of India.

A relative sent this rather hysterical exerpt to me, apparently its on a blog somewhere. Yeah I know what bigamy means, and I know this legislation is making people, specially wives insecure. At the very outset, before I start getting hate mail, let me tell you that my sons and I know exactly what the consequences of “other women” and “other wives” is. We have seen it up close and personal, and suffered it.

But puhlees consider …. does it make any effin’ difference?

Sociologists and anthropologists tell us that men are polygamous by nature. They cant help it.

The reasons for such behaviour are creative to say the least.

Some of them “fall in love” with another woman and cant let go of their wives.

Some men think that the more women they have slept with, the more “face’ they have. Its a self esteem thing.

Some “sexy sirens” are so manipulative that they ensnare the poor dear with their charms.

Some other “main bechari” types need the dashing man’s protection. It is chivalry, you see, they have to take care of this poor lonely female.

Some men think that since they are successful and rich, they “can afford” two or more wives and families. They also give examples of the kings of yester-years and say, we can afford it.

So people, specially wives, freak on, rave and rant – it isn’t going to make an effin’ difference. This world will continue to spin on its slightly tilted axis, and never mind if a few families get derailed in the process.

I do not think bigamy per se is evil. If both the wives know and accept this situation, it is absolutely okay. The man is legally and morally bound to provide for both the ladies and all his children. Of course, the man deserves it.

He deserves the freakingly high phone bills

He deserves the living and housing expenses, specially the utility bills

He deserves the college expenses

He deserves to be yelled at by both his wives (preferably simultaneously with stereophonic sound effects)

He deserves the politics that arise out of two women competing to outdo each other

He deserves to sleep on the couch twice as much since both of them have a headache

Most of all, he deserves to have two mother-in-laws.

Anticipatory Retirement Blues

Posted on October 13, 2008 by phoenixr

What can I say, here I was, walking the air nicely like the cartoon network character I talk about when I came upon this post and plummetted downwards AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE. I am totally freaked out – am reminded of ex’s caustic remark when I was home for a long period on maternity leave. He told me ever so sweetly “Get yourself a job – any job. Dammit I’ll pay your employer salary to keep you busy”. All I did was clean his cupboard and give away all his old clothes. Oh yeah, I also fumigated the entire house, cleaned the kitchen etc etc. The thing is – I’ve got to keep busy. I can not sit and do nothing at a stretch. It makes me bitchy and temperamental. I also like earning money (who doesnt heh!) and being independent.

I think that this so-called retirement concept is total bullshit. A mother never retires and neither does a housewife – and they do more laborious stuff than a normal office worker. Even actors dont retire, they become Moms and Dads and such like stuff. So why should we?

In our culture, age is respected. Greying hair and daughter in laws/grandchildren give us the aura of wisdom (never mind if we colour our hair and go ahead and blog about boobs and wrestling heh!) I feel that we should be given a chance to work until we are ready to call quits. Of course I have no retirement plans or funds (I never plan) though I have a vague idea of packing bags and baggage and moving to Punjab or Kasauli or someplace cheaper and more friendly than the NCR.

I have seen how the elderly live in the NCR. Its a lonely life and its boring. Get up early, go for a walk, bring milk for the family. Then go to the temple, spend time there, come back with vegetables from the vendor. Then sit and read the newspaper, watch television, while away time. Then its lunch. After lunch, take a nap, wake up and spend time with grandchildren (if the grandchild is in the mood to spend time with you), then evening walk in the park, come back home. More television and then sleep. I guess it would kill me, if retirement did not. I think life in a smaller town or a village would be better – where life is slow and people are more approachable.

I am not even talking about money – I have this belief that if you are educated, you can look after your own needs. No one ever could make enough to fulfill the greeds any way – so why get into that. It is things like the fear of being redundant, being irrelevant and lonely that are scaring me. For many years, I have been at the helm, both at office and at home and this is a feeling that is new to me.

I would welcome inputs from others reading this blog …… what does one do when your employer thinks that you are old and do not have to work, and your family has grown up and does not need you? How is one to cope with being sidelined after being on centrestage for such a long time?

IFB – Washing Machine from Hell

Posted on October 10, 2008 by phoenixr

How did you spend Dussehra?

I got up and did the laundry …….. manually. Yes it means that I woke up at seven and was washing clothes till 12 noon. My laundry list consisted of 5 double bed sheets, 2 double bed covers, 7 towels apart from small itsy bitsy stuff.

About 3 weeks ago my machine went kaput. I have an AMC for the machine. So I did not panic and just rang up the call centre. They were efficient and sent me the complaint number by sms. I was cool and thought they would come within 48 hours. After a couple of days I again rang up. They told me they have no record. Huh, then how did they sms me a complaint number? The person had no idea. So I was given another complaint number and assured that they would attend to the complaint within 24 hours. Well that did not happen either. I again rang up and they kept assuring me that this would be attended the very next day.

One interesting thing I noticed was that every call centre guy or woman I talked to had a South Indian accent. Do they have a North Indian call centre for South Indian complaints? After much persuasion I was given the cell number of their Manager in Delhi – who never picks up his phone. Three days ago one of their service engineers rang me up and told me he would be at my residence by 5 p.m. I believed him – yes I do have blonde bimbette moments.

I am aching all over and looking like death warmed up. Guess what, I should have taken the IFB service centre, call centre, Area Manager and who-ever else I could bundle up, stood them up instead of Ravan effigies and burnt them down.

This is not the first time this has happened. My sons are telling me to take them to Consumer Court. I would much prefer burning the bastards alive. Needless to say I will never ever buy a fully automatic washing machine from IFB

My O.C.Ds

Posted on October 7, 2008 by phoenixr

IHM has tagged me to list five addictions and quirks …. WTF only five?! Oh well, thank you very much I’ll prune the list.

I can get lost in conversation – you know start speaking and then shut up, leaving the other person hanging mid-sentence, and then look blankly and ask “Where was I?”. Drives people insane
I have to sleep diagonally on my bed. Sigh! Dont even ask, I dont know the reason myself. Cant sleep on a strange bed or be comfortable in a strange room. I need my own pillow and my own blanket.
Green chillis and tea – Yeah, my favorite tonics. I am probably one of the few people who buys half kg green chillis for the week – and consumes them! The doctors are asking me to cut down on both – the &^%$* spoil sports
Am addicted to music channels on TV, need to have them on while I cook. No music, no food!
I L.O.V.E. watching WWE, and ECW! Oh and I cheer enthusiastically when RAW or Hell in the Cage and such like tournaments are held. The more blood and gore, the happier I get. Such a big adrenalin rush!
If in a wedding or restaurant I amuse myself by guessing the planetary configurations of each and every person over there just by the way they walk or facial features. If that gets boring, I script stories around them.

I pass this tag to Tikuli, Manpreet , Freya, Advitiya, and Ravin (someone’s got to get him blogging again!)

Drona, A review

Posted on October 3, 2008 by phoenixr

People I saw Drona yesterday ……..

You guys are supposed to hand me Asprin, a towel and fan me while a flop on the couch.

You know the feeling one gets when one has bland khichri for lunch when one is not sick? You aren’t hungry but you are not sated? Well, that’s the feeling I got when I walked out of the movie hall.

It has this lovely lady with a great body (Priyanka) who does the most awesome stunts (She is Drona’s bodyguard), you have lovely special effects (though heavily inspired by Harry Potter) and Kay Kay Menon as the villian Rys Raizada – I liked his acting. The other two were heavily spaced out. I have yet to see more wooden characters ….. Abhishek needs to work with real directors who can bring out his skills – he was great in Guru where he reminded me of his mother’s talent. And he needs to lose weight. Seriously who ever heard of a superhero with a paunch?

Wonder why every thing Priyanka had to say started with “Babuji kehte the”? Lady, Tum kya kehti ho? The movie has its good points but is too patchy. If you took out the songs – which have nothing to do with the story at all, reduced the length of the movie and bullied the main leads to emote dammit – it would have been good. As such it was boring.

I liked the sequence where they go to a mythical place called Raazpur … that was interesting

There were some young kids who had come with their parents to see the movie and loved it. I dunno …

Kid#1 : This movie should have been called Rona instead of Drona. Abhishek keeps feeling sorry for himself.

Kid#2 : (in tones of deep distaste) Abhishek was playing the role of Priyanka’s wife!

(Note to self : Lady you have given birth to a chauvanist pig, kick yourself)

My verdict :

Goldie Behl should stop having anything to do with Bollywood
Who ever wrote the dialogues of the movie aught to be shot
Kay Kay as the clownish villain saved the day
Priyanka rocks – but she better be careful of the movies she picks up

Cartoon Network and Life

Posted on September 24, 2008 by phoenixr

You must have seen those old cartoons – the ones in which a character runs off a cliff and keeps running? He doesnt fall and keeps going on until he looks down. And then he plummets to the ground screaming. That, people, is the perfect depiction of life in general, and parenting of grown children in particular.

One is told in school that as long as you get good grades, be polite, honest and true, you have it made in life. So one hunkers down, works hard, deals with boring subjects, doesnt kill fellow students or bash up idiosyncratic teachers. “Padhega likhega banega nawab, khelega, koodega, banega kharab” was what we were brought up to believe. So one played by the rules, studied hard, got good jobs…. and thought ahh now we are in control – - but are we? Providence does have a corny sense of humour and just when everything is going absolutely right, Providence throws a googly. And like the cartoon network character – one runs off the cliff screaming AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE

Parenting is also somewhat like this. There I was, running along on air for all these years, thinking that, so long as I raised those kids “right,” I was big momma, in control. And then, after all that time of living with this nice cozy illusion, mine became teenagers and with all the sassiness of teenagedom, they shook the stuffing out of me. I started realizing that I’d been living a lie and there are no guarantees. Not their safety, not my sanity, nothing is really under my control (except maybe the car keys, but I had to keep hiding them in newer places all the time. And then I kept forgetting the latest new place, and they would obligingly fish them keys out and give ‘em to me.) Gaaaah!!!

Now I have three young adults at home, and I normally don’t even know what time of day or night it is, since they are in and out all the time. I have started feeling kind of disoriented. They keep wierd hours. Yesterday they decided that they would have dinner at home with me. I have got so used to them picking a bite on their way in or out of home, that I have tailored all our meals into take-aways. You know – like rolls of roti and sabzi or Idli+chutney. Yesterday was full house, I was mother hen and all my chicks were around me. Such total control. We had a sumptious regular dinner, and after that, Kid#1 and wifey went out for a movie, Kid#2′s friends came over and he left with them. Ah well – that is routine now with a half-way empty nest.

I wonder what life brings next. I was reminded of the cartoon network analogy. My big question is, when do we stop screaming AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE ?

If ………… a tag

Posted on September 20, 2008 by phoenixr

I have been tagged by The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker aka IHM

The rules for the tag are:
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?

Sigh! Been there and done that with my ex. I dont think it was the most mature thing to do, but I freaked. I got bitter and vindictive. Things got very violent – ending with me throwing him out of the house and our lives. Then I gathered myself and got on with the business of living. In retrospect, I think I could have been less public, and conducted myself with restraint and let the court handle stuff. But I was young and angry.

2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?

I would like to be a Bollywood actress’s pampered younger sister. She would not be wearing the same dress twice, or have the time to shop and spend her money. I would help her by doing all that. All the leading men, directors and producers will give me bhav and I won’t have to work at all. What do you know, she’ll even get me a “suitable husband”.

3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?

Hehehehehe, dont tempt me. All the MCPs of this world, and every one who makes and watches Saas Bahu soaps

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Quickly invest it and lock it up – otherwise I think I would go insane and squander it.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

No. For love sexual chemistry is essential – best friends dont get sexual, they are pals.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved by some one

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

I won’t wait. I probably would nip it in the bud if I thought I was going somewhere where there is no reciprocation.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

Move on. No sense in hanging around wasting time. Very bad for the morale too.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

Stronger laws against domestic violence and also making women’s education mandatory.

10. Do you lie?

Of course! But not to myself.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Huhh??? I dunno where I’ll be 5 minutes hence!!!!

12. What’s your fear?

I fear being handicapped, or suffering a lengthy illness and being a burden on my children

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

A thinker … and an idealist. She is well informed and has a conscience that is so nicely reflected in her writings.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Single and rich of course!

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

The one who I think would be there for me, in the long run. The person who is simpler, warmer and more open.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

I always do – that is how I am built I guess. That is how I live my life.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

Forgive – of course, cant keep holding on to the baggage. But I can not forget.

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

In a relationship which respects my space and my worth….. otherwise single is fine.

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?

“You fill up my senses” by John Denver for the romantic words and its haunting melody.

20. I TAG these 6 people because I’d like to know what their answers would be …

////

As Shakespeare said .. What’s in a name?

Posted on August 8, 2008 by phoenixritu

I do not do kitty parties – they are so fake and catty. I have bad memories from the ones I was dragged into by my mother. At any given time, she was a member of at least about 6 or 7 of them and she enthusiastically attended all of them and dragged me to quite a few Gaaaah!. Thankfully now ladies have stopped trying to get me to participate in them as they have concluded that (a) I am a snob (b) I am socially inept (c) I will attend, smile vaguely, have a glass of water and disappear as soon as I can. My own opinion (purely personal) is that kitty parties are for cats.

A very young person who is a chat friend of mine discovered this much to her heart ache. This person was married about 5 years ago and has elected to keep her maiden name. I think that it is purely her own choice, and if her family is okay with it, it is all right. There is no legal requirement that a woman has to forfeit her identity just because she has got married. We have been living in a male dominated society since centuries and girls were married so young. They did not have time to forge an identity for themselves. So overnight, a woman went from being Miss so and so, the darling daughter to Mrs. Husband. Since they had not been working, opened bank accounts, got pan cards etc, it was okay and besides the dear husband got a kick out of it. Come to think of it, in certain communities, they even change the first name of the bride. Talk about sacrificing your entire identity. I think it is very inconvenient in this day and age. My DIL has kept her maiden surname as a middle name and many young women do that now a days.

Well this young lady went to her neighbourhood kitty party where her husband’s female relatives had probably aired their discontent about her “not integrating into the family” since she had not changed her surname, and the ladies had a ball being bitchy about this. Why is it that women are women’s worst enemies? When I called it quit with ex, for a whole lot of sordid reasons – I refused to use his surname either. My mother opposed me vehemently on this as she did in each and every thing I did and refused to let me revert to my maiden name. Kittys and Cats yeah!!! Well, I am her daughter you see and I refused to back down, and legally changed my last name and my sons’ last name to the first name of my father. She could not do much about that. This Round to Me yeah !!!

I gave the young lady this link . I wish she feels braver and not so oppressed when she learns that she is not alone in this.

No one can hurt you more than your teenager

Posted on July 22, 2008 by phoenixritu

Nothing, truly nothing hurts a parent more than their spawn. All of my sons’ friends think that I am the coolest Mom ever …. and they wish that their parents had even a fraction of my “chilled out and cool attitude” (their words, not mine) and here I have kids who don’t even want to spend time with me and don’t think that I am fun. I don’t get it. Kid #1 would rather meet his friends somewhere far away from home. He and DIL will go out, and then come back late into the night. Kid#2 is actually embarrassed about me. I don’t behave like other Moms, and I use language that is similar to theirs, watch their kind of movies and listen to their kind of music. His friends like my company – which embarrasses him. Go figure that one out. It is weird. Reminded me of that Bon Jovi song which was so popular “Shot through the Heart”

So I did my research {thank you Googleji} and found out that this is normal. It is called fouling up the nest. Can you imagine, there is actually a term for this!!! Apparently kids are growing up and want to leave but since they are very close to the parents, they need to create increased levels of conflict that can provide a propellant, without which maybe many youngsters might find it difficult to leave. The entire article is very illuminating and can be read here.

I really have to show off my link making capabilities (:))

Menopause – God’s divine comedy

Posted on July 19, 2008 by phoenixritu

There are times when I think God has a weird sense of humour. I just don’t get it. The timing sucks like hell… like I mentioned in an earlier post (Yayyy I managed to make a link!!!!)

Consider this, a woman reaches middle age and is dealing with boobs that go south, grey hair, the first few wrinkles, all the chocolate she ever ate settling down on her hips and thighs – yeah its pretty stressful. God looks at this mere mortal just learning to face it and adds a deadly twist …. the said woman’s children who until then considered their mother as Goddess and looked at her with undisguised and blind adoration become teenagers. It happens suddenly. One day, these kids are tripping over themselves to cling to you, and if you hug them or smile, they are ecstatic. They wake up the next day with the thought “Who is this old witch, and why do I have to listen to her on how to run my life. She never did manage hers very well”. And if God hates that poor old woman very much, he gives her a daughter who is very upfront and tactless about how she did not want to grow up like her mother. Nasty!!! Luckily God did not give me one of those. Still I was the worst mother ever, since I did not allow the boys to go to school on a two wheeler or drive anywhere unless they were 18 and got a licence. They were at their whiney best “Every other parent allows it” I know kiddos, I am MONSTER MOM and I love it. Then they give you the silent treatment – which is lovely. I gave it right back and we had a very peaceful and less stressful home.

After you have weathered the teenage years when they are lazy, self absorbed, conceited, messy, insufferable pigs, they grow up to be decent boys you are actually proud of. You start enjoying their company. Then God adds another twist – they get married just when menopause hits you. Picture this, you are going through hot flashes, memory loss, mood swings, wrinkles, night sweats and eating binges, and the apple of your eye, the fruit of your womb brings a young nubile woman into the house and proceeds to ignore you totally. She has a butt and a bustline that burns you up, and she probably goes to sleep without under eye creams and anti wrinkle aids, and does not need push up bras. The divine comedy makes me weep.

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