Things to do before I die

I am putting a list of things to do before I go out of this world, just so that it is a commitment to me ;)

  1. First and foremost : get debt free and get some sort of a nest egg – this is v v important, since I do not want to leave a trail of IOUs for my kids to settle.
  2. Become a Silva graduate. I practise the method, but have no formal training in it. I just do it as I can understand it.
  3. Learn the art of glass blowing – I am serious. I find it fascinating and would love to learn how to make those pretty things.
  4. Live a year in some random country. It would be fun to do so. Mexico is one place I would love to go and live in.
  5. Sky dive at least once. People who know me will laugh at this one since I suffer from vertigo. But life is all about conquering your circumstances and fears, is it not? :)
  6. Fly in a hot air balloon (once in my lifetime) Ha ha
  7. Write a best seller that publishers would beg me to give them the chance to publish, lol
  8. Buy a piece of land in the mountains where I would live in the Delhi summers
  9. Learn Japanese (they have the most awesome anime!!!)
  10. See Madame Tussaud’s

Empty Nest Syndrome

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -Joseph Campbell

Empty Nest hit me when I was not looking. It socked me in the heart and I am still hurting. First change happened when Kid #1 fell in love and got married. I was over the moon. Sure they were a bit young, but having a daughter in the house was something I so looked forward to. Boys are great, but then girls are better. Having someone to talk to me about make-up, fashion and even the colour of the curtains is great. I was so enamoured by the novelty of having a girl in the house, that I did not realize that my boy had changed. Then Kid #1 enrolled into Flight School in Philippines. It never occurred to me that this was the big change. He went as my darling boy, came back a young man. Even his marriage had not changed my perception of him as “My Baby”. Kids are lovely once they are toilet trained and dont need a 2 am bottle, and then they become adolescent horrors with harmonal overdrives that drive you crazy. Just when you start enjoying your kids as adults, who are absolutely fun to hang out with, they go away. I dont mean as physically away, but mentally and emotionally they sure do. I think most of the letting go has to happen while you are re-negotiating your relationship with your kid. He is twenty three years old, I really need to stop being Mother Hen. Picture this scenario …….. He opens the fridge and stares at it blankly, I rush in full of maternal need to feed him a hot meal and cluck around him. He gives me “the look”. I retreat in total confusion.

I know this is absolutely a small thing. The fact is that I leave home early in the morning and reach home around 7 p.m. I have done this since he was eight years old. He knows how to heat up a meal, and at 23 years of age, he knows how to operate the microwave for godssake!!!! Of late, the “roll eyes” and “the look” have become quite common. Phew!!! Here I thought I was a laid back Mom with zillions of other things to do in life. All right kiddo, I am getting the message “Mom, Leave me alone!” :)

Kid No. 2 has got out of school this year, and is busy preparing for entrances. He will push off to college within a couple of months. Hopefully, I will be better prepared for the changes it brings in the boys.

One thing is for certain, the house will be clean, no loud music, food bills will be down, and so will the utility bills. I will be able to watch hindi music channels on t.v., and go to bed at a decent hour. I am sure, I’ll enjoy doing all the things I want to do in life … read, write, travel (once Kid#1 gets his pilot’s licence and Kid #2 gets through college), I just got to hang in there with a smile even though poor me is lost, confused and bewildered.

Our Deepest Fear

I was talking to a nice lady today, a very concerned and loving parent, caring wife – the foundation stone of her home, and she was telling me about her problems. During the course of our talk, I realized that she actually just wanted to sound off her problems and did not want any solutions. She was afraid to have nothing to complain about or was afraid that if everything worked well, she would be redundant. It reminded me of a poem by Marianne Williamson

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OUR DEEPEST FEAR

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.