Yeah this is a social art one should learn. One is faced with many situations when one has to paint a fake smile on the face, show pleasure, fork out a whole lot of hard earned money and get a gift for someone one wishes were wiped off the face of this earth! We need to do the gifting thing for Diwali, for Christmas, for weddings and New Year.
If you are a north Indian, life gets easier. You simply take a shagun envelope, pop in some money, seal it and slip it into the said person’s pocket. Chore done! We have reduced gifting to a simple financial transaction. But it simply does not reflect the anger, the displeasure that one feels in parting with that sum of money does it? I mean it does not say “Mrs. Chopra, I think you are an overfed, over made up empty headed shallow person, and I don’t give a rat’s ass that your spoilt son is getting married” etc etc. Get my drift?
Well, if one has to do the deed, I think one can do it with panache!
So here are my suggestions for really creative gifting 
EVIL GIFTING IDEAS
1. Santa themed neck tie
Dont knock it. Someone gave ex a red christmassy tie with santas, reindeers and christmas bells on it. The look on his face was priceless when he unwrapped it. Well, he never wore it (obviously) and I ultimately hung a few bells using it as a string on the baby’s crib. I have always found it really creatively evil gifting idea! While on the subject a hawaiian shirt would do well too.
2. A hard-bound copy of the Ramayana or Geeta (written in Sanskrit with no translation).
Feel free to substitute it with other appropriate religious material. Most effective when the recipient is young, non-religious and suffering from a hangover when he unwraps it.
3. A Morning Walker :
Ideal gift to give to an ex who is simply not moving on or getting the message. If you do not want to spend that much money, a Low Cal diet recipe book will suffice too.
4. A dress that is just one size small.
This is purrrfect for the oh so superior patronizing females. I have heard of a lady who did that every christmas for her daughters and daughter in laws. Then she would insist on them modeling it for her and then cluck sympathetically and say “I simply did not realize how healthy my darling girls have grown!”
Well Alicia Keyes dress says it all ~~~ and most of us arent as shapely as her to carry it off even this much~
5. A vacuum cleaner/Vesta dish warmers.
Husbands if you hate your wives go for it! If you hate sleeping on the couch, dont do it, tempting though it may be ….. :P
6. A life-sized framed poster of Kylie Minogue looking like this
Works wonderfully as Mrs. Chopra’s spoilt son’s wedding gift. She can spend the rest of her life bitching about it at kitty parties, but her son wont know where to keep it – not to mention – how to explain to his bride!
7. Soap
Cheap, unimaginative. Just sends the message that you could not be bothered to think of a suitable gift at the best; and that you think the person should wash up, at the worst.
8. A drum set (the electronic one with 6 different tones and 8 different beats) for your least favorite cousin’s brat
The good thing will be that you will no longer be on talking terms with your cousin. A win-win situation
9. A neatly packed set of mouth freshener, dental floss and mouth wash
10. Santa Toilet Seat Covers and Shower Decorations
I saw these at Amazon, laughed my guts out and got inspired into writing this blog!
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