Tag Archives: DIL

And Then The Fight Happened

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Case One

“Have one kid, you become a parent. Have two and you become a refree”

Have adult kids … you still want to be a refree, but they will have none of it.

Younger dude has relapsed into teenhood. He has anxiety attacks, feels depressed because he is never going to amount to much, since he isn’t going to be a millionaire. SHEESH! Is this cue for me to feel like a failure because I am not a millionaire?

Kid#1 : Coming up with the only male solution to this : Let’s go have beer.

Kid#2 : Naah, I don’t feel like drinking.

My jaw hit the floor, as I opened the medicine drawer.

Never . In . My . Living . Memory . Has . Anyone . Refused . A . Drink . When . Feeling . Low

This was serious.

Kid#1 : Yeah! (Pushing him) You refusing? Let’s fight then!

Kid#2 : Angrily shrugging him off : Leave me alone!

Kid#1 : Fight me and I will.

Me : Stop it the two of you.

DIL : Let them! Wanna bet my husband will win? MY BABY STRONGEST!

Both of them angrily to us: You stay out of it!

Then they had a go at each other, a really intense one. The furniture and doors are still intact, mercifully. The thermometer I had taken out isn’t.

The depression is over … and they have gone for beer. MENS!!!!!

Case Two

DIL is eating muesli for dinner – she is counting calories.

Me : Eyeing the left over slices of banana : Are you finishing that?

(It would be a perfect guilt free desert)

DIL : Aggressively : Don’t look at that! I am going to finish it.

Me : Backing off : Its okay, just asking.

What’s biting her ass?

Kid#1 : (The Residential Peacekeeper) Why are you being aggressive?

DIL : She started it!

Me : ?????

DIL : Defensively : I am not wasting it.

Me : Sulkily : I only wanted a bite.

DIL : With a sunny relieved smile : Here, take all of it.

WOMENS!!!!!

Case Three

Kid#2 : Poking me in the stomach while I am doing something all important, like playing Empires and Allies on Facebook, while sitting on the bed.

Me : Angrily : Don’t poke me.

Kid#2 : Cheekily : I will

Me : Don’t!

Kid#2 : Poking me again : And what will you do?

Me : Losing it and slapping him hard.

Stunned silence in the room.

And then Kid#2 starts to laugh.

Kid#2 : Jeez Ma, is that the best you can do. That was such a cute slap.

BRATS!!!!

Fire Halp!

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I have been good.  I have been so good for the last couple of blog posts that I have started to believe that those were written by a stranger.  I mean I miss the old Ritu.  Why the eff have I become so politically correct?

Am I growing old?

I am all for the kids doing their own thing and letting elderly me relax on my bed with my lap top.  Age and growing feeble is an asset, which should be used properly.  It can be really advantageous.

It makes the kids deal with crisis responsibly

Which is just what they did when a switchboard caught fire upstairs in the night.  They let me sleep happily downstairs while they combated the fire …. the best they could.

Apparently Kid#1 and DIL were just going to bed when there was an electrical fire.

Kid#1 tried to gently fan it away with a towel.

DIL snatched the towel away and stomped it down with all her might.

Kid#2, who woke up due to the commotion, stood blankly watching the fire, half asleep.

The two male dogs also reacted strangely.  The dacshund, Piper was so scared that he needed therapy.  He slept the night in DIL’s bed, clinging to her.

Baron, our german shephard sat watching the commotion dumbly.

Jeannie our female german shephard growled and barked at the fire, trying to scare it away.

DIL came down for her morning cup of milk and told me

“You know there was a fire last night”

Me : Whaaaat?  When, where??

DIL : I put it out.  It was me who ordered both your sons to get the towels.  Even then, they were being so gentle.  I snatched the towel from their hands and stomped the fire away.

Me : My God!

…. and I rushed to see it.

She told me how the dogs reacted … and how the men did.

Females of any species are far more alert and pro-active, even if we snarl and bark at dangers, even if our mode of action is not the ideal one.  Yeah!

But the last line has to be Kid#1′s

Oye!  Stop bragging.  I was the one who turned off the mains!

All said and done … females rock

And another thing …. do you think its time I retire???  I can, you know.  She can take care of my two boys well ….

 

 

Happy Wedding Anniversary

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And the son and his wife got married today, 4 years ago …..

You know what 4 years of marriage does to you?

Four years ago, on this day, the bride went to a beauty parlour, dolled up and came to meet the groom in all her finery.  The groom decked up too.  This is what they looked like

Please ignore the mother in law and brother in law …. they came as a package deal in the wedding.  Something like Do ke saath do free ;)

Today the two of them woke up at 12 noon, and then sleepily came downstairs for breakfast.  After breakfast (which we had at 2 in the afternoon) I brought out the cake which they cut.

Love (or is it simply being comfortable in your own skin) means celebrating your anniversary in your night clothes without dolling up, heck without even taking a bath :lol:

Isn’t the cake simply lovely?

Balance Sheet 2010

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?   The Car that crashed and went for scrap

?    The sons survived and came home unscathed

?   Kid #1 tried so hard but did not get what he wanted …. broke my heart to see him facing such a hard time

?   He discovered talent in something I did not expect.  Am so proud of you – ‘Shine on you crazy diamond’

?   Kid #2 has no vehicle to go to college

?  He discovered resourcefulness!  Good on ya, boy.  I am impressed.  Carry on

? I grew negative, unreasonable and gave my family hell.  Yes I can be such a melodrama queen …. sorry Kid#1, Kid#2 and DIL

? Kid#2 counseled me, he can actually talk sense, I am impressed.  But the most impressive thing was Kid#1′s non-verbal example.  If anything, he should have been the emo person, but he has achieved Zen.  He is so much in control.  He does not preach, but teaches by example.

? I’ve been a brat

? My sons have grown into mature human beings, they make me proud.  Something I have done right in my crazy life!

? Had a fight with “The Shoulder” really bad one.  Thought I would not have him in my life any more.

? Everything worked out for the best.

?  Diabetes

? Lost weight.  Hallelujah and Blow me Down!!!  I actually do have a waist!

?  Finances, sigh!!!! :(

? We own our house and our cars and manage to live a reasonably good life

? DILs office made her work so hard, we hardly saw her

? She got promoted, Way To Go Girl!!

?  My book was panned by certain book agents

? Sent it to Rupa since I refused to believe it was bad.  Rupa accepted it  :D :D

? Unhappiness – mostly self created

? Friends and family that loves me and stands by me

?  Lesson learnt, have faith in self and be more appreciative of the family that stands by me and the friends who love me.

Love you guys a lot

Let us see what 2011 brings

War Time at Phoenix House

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You know what?  When kids grow up, they become adults.  And when boys grow up – they become self absorbed, insensitive, taciturn MEN

(If I could I would enter sad doleful veena music here or even Paul McCartney’s While My Guitar Gently Weeps)

To keep the argument balanced I will add this

You know what? When women reach a certain age they become Drama Queens – totally demanding drama queens!

Phew – that’s a load off my chest

Situation is like this

Elder Son Kid#1 is addicted to the LCD screen.  The fact is that he has at least 800 downloaded movies on a spare hard disk and he is forever downloading more.  He lives on the first floor and I don’t get to see him as often as I want.  Yeah you can argue that if he does not want to come down, I can go up …. but I don’t feel comfortable intruding in his room.  It is too much his and DILs space and I am sensitive about space

DIL is rising up in the pecking order in that damn sweat shop she calls office and she works crazy hours.  I barely meet her.  She leaves before I get out of my room and she comes home when I am asleep.  On weekends she is asleep or out with Kid#1

Kid#2 – to give him credit does spend some time with me – but he has his studies, his friends, his dratted cellphone etc etc.

Damn it!  When kids are small and clingy, we wish they grow up and realize that the umblical cord was cut at birth.  When they grow up and we have all the ME Time that we want, we miss that clingy phase.  May be we forget how to be alone again

Yesterday night, I got the table laid for dinner, sent a message up for the boys to come down for dinner.  Both replied that they were not hungry.

I had two options – Sigh resignedly and eat my damn dinner in solitary splendour and sing this song

OR

Throw a tantrum, freak out, be Drama Queen and then eat my dinner with or without them.

Of course I did the latter.  Both boys came down, we had a fight.  They defended themselves, but (here I am unclear just how this happened) pacified me too.  Damn!

I had my dinner, and so did they – together after a long long time  ~~~ okay I exaggerate – after a few days.

Kid#1 : Chotey, leave it!  She has been normal for a while.  She had to find something to fight about.

Kid#2 : She becomes drama queen after every two days

Damn you, you oafs.  I love you and want you to be with me when I get home.  It isn’t fun when you arent around.  Don’t fly away too fast – I am dangerous when left alone. I may cause global floods or tsunami

DIL stop working so damn hard.

Return of the Aviator!!

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Kid#1 is back home now.  This, by our standards is huge!  He’s been to Philippines and back quite a few times in his quest for a commercial pilot’s license.   But then we are a family that goes from crisis to crisis – with a short pause in which we try to figure out if we are seriously out of trouble or not ….

Consider this : Kid#1 gets engaged …. runs the car over the verge and decides to fly planes …. since there are no verges in the sky!

Okay!  That is completely mean of me.  It may or may not have happened like this exactly but this is my story and my blog …

So he tries to get to Canada or the US to get his training.  Terrorism and brown skin decide that he does not get a Visa.  Hence he goes to Philippines

The course is supposedly for one year.  The Global Warming and Divine Powers decide that the weather will be horrible.  There are typhoons during the past two years that have drowned the country, ripped open the runway and tarmac and even smashed the air control tower to the ground.

Phew!

Hence the course that was to be for one year lasted two.  But he survived and is now a qualified Licensed Commercial Pilot

Anyway he is finally back, jet lagged, deprived of Indian food (we actually carried roti and dal sabzi to the airport with us for him) and skinny.

I mean I am the most carefree kind of parent but even I thought he was skinny ~~

Is there any mother in the world who thinks her child has come back home looking hale and hearty?  There is some kind of reflex circuitry which triggers a primitive response that is so Hindi Movie ….

Mom : Beta you are looking so starved – bechara!  Theekh se khaana bhi nahin mila.  Have another parantha ….

Son : Basking in maternal attention and pampering : Arrey vahan after the typhoon you could not get any fruit or vegetable, and there is nothing like ghar ki roti

Sibling : Perhaps thinking now the spotlight will have to be shared :  Bhai, I dunno, you look okay to me

Wifey : By passing all the undercurrents : Babe, I think you look sexy with the moustache

Ahem!  Okay I know you have been apart for the last four months but give it a break, Will Ya?

Come to think of it, I actually agree with her … he looked cute in a bearded Brad Pitt kind of a way

Aaaah!  You know what I think now that he is got married and educated (in that order rather than the conventional way?)

I think its one down and one to go.  Need the other one to get his degree and wife – in whichever order he wishes so that I can become a vagabond gypsy that I am at heart

One down one to go …. ….. ….. …..

My kids talk to me …. Halp!!!!

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You know what I hate about new age parenting?  The fact that there are so many rules that are diametrically opposed to how we were brought up!

Humarey Zamaaney Mein : Part One

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

Aaj Kal : We hear of the new fangled thing called child abuse

Humaarey Zamaaney Mein : Part Two

Children are simply to be seen, not heard

Aaj Kal : Parenting is all about keeping the communication lines open all the time.  Psychologists tell us it is good and rewarding.  We are to listen to our kids  attentively, participate in their lives

WELL!

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IT IS DARN INCONVENIENT!

What about the many years of “our lives” that we put on hold when they were kids and ran after them, picked after them and cooked stuff they wanted to eat?

What about how much the middle aged body and mind can take?

Picture this :

You put a load of laundry in the washing machine, brew a nice cup of tea and pick up the newspaper and settle into your warm quilt.  It is a utopia moment …..

Kid#2 : Mom, is Bhabhi around

Me : No, I guess she is upstairs

Kid#2 : Well, I was thinking yada yada yada

Me : Looking at the newspaper regretfully and trying to mentally console myself with a never mind, knowing said newspaper is going to go unread into kabadi ……. or I will have to wake up late in the night to read old news without the supplements and comics that I love – which the kids have already taken into their own rooms or to college/work

Sigh!

Or this scenario

Me, hastily cooking and laying the table, thinking of going online asap once dinner is over

Well the Kid has had a tiff with girl friend and wants to do detailed self analysis with all the “I have feelings of inadequacy and no one understands me” emotions of teenage with angst galore

or Scenario No. 2

DIL has to tell me all about quirks of her co-workers that she finds annoying.  I send an email and get chided because “You are not listening properly”.  So I settle down to “listen properly”, and after 5 minutes add my comment to what she said about a co-worker.

She stops me with a “Dont take it the wrong way, but I dont want you to say anything – not that I dont value your inputs”.

Me : You mean you want to be heard with no comments?  So you better talk to a wall then!?!????

She : I am not saying you cant comment

Me : But you prefer that I dont

She : I didnt mean that ~~~~

Me : But I thought that’s what you meant

She : MOMMMMMM You dont listen properly

And she stomps off hufffily

I give up on the emails totally confused.  Besides my middle aged body is tired and needs its rest ……….

I prefered the olden days

Humaarey Zamaaney Mein : Part Two

Children are simply to be seen, not heard

Make that young adults too

Once upon a Time ……

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There was this young girl, skinny as hell, walking around with a permanent cold (sickly actually), an introvert who preferred reading books to interacting with boys who tried to feel up more endowed girls other social creatures.

The girl then discovered food, and started getting comfortable with food and herself ….

and more comfortable …….

And more comfortable

And now the girl has morphed into me …..  It first started with a bit of a bulge, which I dismissed as aftermath of second pregnancy

Then thighs started thickening, so I switched over to salwar kameezes while battling for a divorce, thinking it was stress and would go away ……

And then I hated the idea of started to get into the huff and puff mode!  I mean who needs that in a full day of work, meals, kids homeworks, shopping for groceries and battling lawyers, mother and all that life effin throws up.

Then came son’s wedding and two major surgeries in two years! 

By that time I had got blase’.  I convinced myself that my self worth was not based on my waist size, and since I had managed to remain reasonably healthy, no diabetes, blood pressure and ticker going strong, it did not matter.  I was not here competing with Priyanka Chopra’s figure hai na?  Besides a slim svelte figure is such a superficial thing ……..  I am more cerebral

It all fizzled out when I spent a sleepless night battling acidity and saw myself in the bathroom mirror next morning.  I looked like Bellatrix Lestrange on a bad day ballooned into a watermelon


 

NASTY!!!!

But that did not phase me out.  What did was the sleepless night!  Told ya, I am wayy more cerebral than your average person who values good looks and health       :P

So ladies and gentlemen I have started cooking healthy, feeding my family more innovative and light meals. 

I have also started trying to run – it converts into a trot – pant – groan – pant – walk as of now.  Never mind WE SHALL OVERCOME

…………………………………………………………………………… ………….SOME DAY

DIL tells me that I should bow in front of her, since it is she who pointed out how unhealthy my cooking was.  Madam, here you are, this is all the bow you shall get BOW WOW!

Kid #2 has started looking slim, instead of Laddu from Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam.  I foresee a bevy of hotties around him in a short while

As far as I am concerned, well I am much too old a sinner for fat cells to give up easily.  They cling, and rebel even though I am huffin and puffin and the friction of my thighs against each other could start a bonfire.

I may not climb the Everest or date a Sherpa …..

I may not win the Olympic Medal and kiss Obama while he gives it to me …… sigh! drool!!!

But dammit, I do get a night’s undisturbed sleep

That is reward enough!

Karva Chowth at Phoenix House

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I am very ambivalent about karva chowth and I wrote a post last year stating my reasons which readers found hilarious.  Well I am like that anyways …. :lol:

My kids want to celebrate each and every festival with gusto, even the all female ones like karva chowth. I would doll up, do the mehendi, new dress and bangles and trinkets thingy, and then we would eat drink and be merry.  Now I have happily handed over baton to DIL

I’ve told DIL she has the option to do away with the fast if she wishes. Its cool with us …

Flashback two days ago ………………………..

Kid#2 : Mom are you gonna get mehendi and stuff done?

Me : Reclining on my bed with laptop : Nah, I have done away with peripherals

Kid#2 : Why????

Me ; Astonished at such a strong reaction : I never keep the fast anyway, and am not in the mood for dolling up

Kid#2 : Launching full blown drama : You never do anything, you are not fun anymore, festivals dont feel like festivals when Bhai isnt around ………………….

Me : ??????!!!!!!!???????

Then Godji sent inspiration (Thank you Godji Phewww!)

Me : Beta Bhabhi will do all that, its her time

DIL came home dancing : See my new suit that I bought for Karva Chowth! Isnt it pretty? Kid#2 you better be home on Karva Chowth eve since you gotta take me to get mehendi done

Kid#2 : Looking much happier : Jee Bhabhi, do you also want to go to the parlour? I am so glad someone is celebrating! (The last said snidely)

DIL : After consideration : Nah parlour will be too full, besides I’ll be working full day

Me : Heaving a quiet sigh of relief : Beta, tell me what you wanna eat for sargi, I’ll cook that.

Both of them seriously discussing possible options for the early morning sargi

I never knew handing over all the stuff was so liberating!!!!

She can do the mehendi and dress and fast if she so desires!

I AM OUT OF IT!!!!

 

We had sargi together at 5 a.m. which I cooked early in the morning.  Kid#2′s craving for some festival celebration got satisfied, DIL and I left for work!  I think I narrowly escaped the dog house!!!