Case One
“Have one kid, you become a parent. Have two and you become a refree”
Have adult kids … you still want to be a refree, but they will have none of it.
Younger dude has relapsed into teenhood. He has anxiety attacks, feels depressed because he is never going to amount to much, since he isn’t going to be a millionaire. SHEESH! Is this cue for me to feel like a failure because I am not a millionaire?
Kid#1 : Coming up with the only male solution to this : Let’s go have beer.
Kid#2 : Naah, I don’t feel like drinking.
My jaw hit the floor, as I opened the medicine drawer.
Never . In . My . Living . Memory . Has . Anyone . Refused . A . Drink . When . Feeling . Low
This was serious.
Kid#1 : Yeah! (Pushing him) You refusing? Let’s fight then!
Kid#2 : Angrily shrugging him off : Leave me alone!
Kid#1 : Fight me and I will.
Me : Stop it the two of you.
DIL : Let them! Wanna bet my husband will win? MY BABY STRONGEST!
Both of them angrily to us: You stay out of it!
Then they had a go at each other, a really intense one. The furniture and doors are still intact, mercifully. The thermometer I had taken out isn’t.
The depression is over … and they have gone for beer. MENS!!!!!
Case Two
DIL is eating muesli for dinner – she is counting calories.
Me : Eyeing the left over slices of banana : Are you finishing that?
(It would be a perfect guilt free desert)
DIL : Aggressively : Don’t look at that! I am going to finish it.
Me : Backing off : Its okay, just asking.
What’s biting her ass?
Kid#1 : (The Residential Peacekeeper) Why are you being aggressive?
DIL : She started it!
Me : ?????
DIL : Defensively : I am not wasting it.
Me : Sulkily : I only wanted a bite.
DIL : With a sunny relieved smile : Here, take all of it.
WOMENS!!!!!
Case Three
Kid#2 : Poking me in the stomach while I am doing something all important, like playing Empires and Allies on Facebook, while sitting on the bed.
Me : Angrily : Don’t poke me.
Kid#2 : Cheekily : I will
Me : Don’t!
Kid#2 : Poking me again : And what will you do?
Me : Losing it and slapping him hard.
Stunned silence in the room.
And then Kid#2 starts to laugh.
Kid#2 : Jeez Ma, is that the best you can do. That was such a cute slap.
BRATS!!!!