Memories – a tag

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Alankrita of Real Virtuality tagged me to do this one.  I am not too much into memories, since I have seen people live and relive past glories, or suffer the traumas of their past endlessly – quite forgetting that life is here and now.  Okay here goes …

This really is a trip in a Time Machine kind of thing …..

My oldest memory

I was quite a little thing … and it was a summer afternoon.  My brothers(cousins and real) and I were playing in the park at Humayun Tomb.  They decided we had to go inside the tomb – which was out of bound for us – beats me why.  Once we were inside, the elder four ran away, hid, and laughed a loud maniacal Ha Ha Ha, which scared the shit out of us (the three younger ones).  We screamed, wept and clung to each other like little baby monkeys and sat down – yeah on the gravestone.

Round one to my elder cousins!

Ten Years Ago

Oh most definitely a bad period, trying to get my divorce and trying to bring up a very out of control angry adolescent Kid#!.  The only thing good about that time was that I also enrolled along with Kid#1 for Tae Kwon Do classes for a few months and learnt how to kick some ass.

My first thought this morning

I hate mornings.  I hate getting up.  I hate office.  I hate exercise.  Ritu get up and exercise otherwise your butt wont fit into your office chair.  What do I kill, miam and cut for breakfast and lunch.  OMG I hate mornings.

If you built a time capsule, what would it contain

I dont know …. I live here and now.  I dont much care about either the past or the future.  Hmmm, my blog maybe?

This year

This year has been pretty big for me.  I built and moved into my own house.  I got promoted to General Manager.  My stories got published by the CBSE.  I started blogging in earnest.  Got my own domain.  Got Kid#2 into Engineering College with the strong feeling of “one down, one to go”  Pretty eventful.

14 years from now

Hmmmm, retired from corporate life, full fledged writer, living in a small cottage in the hills, two dogs, internet …. a very peaceful life.  Of course with the option of coming back to NCR when I get bored or if the winter is too cold.  I hope whatever I write sells – I need money for that kind of life.

I tag Itchy, IHM, Manpreet, Advitiya

Should be interesting reading other peoples trip down memory lane

Tolerance – do we know what it means?

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This post was written about a year ago – but posted today, when this issue has come up again in my son’s circle of friends.

Whenever someone tells me that our culture is old and rich, I shrug.  Whenever someone tells me that we are a non-violent and satyagrahi country, it makes me want to puke.  Whenever someone says that we are understanding ……. I look at them with disbelief.  The fact is that we are racist, bigots and narrow minded.

I was surfing the net for some strength to face certain truths about myself…. and I came upon this, The Museum of Tolerance, and it brought tears into my eyes.  I was quite complacent and proud of myself because I do not practise intolerance.  Its a big step – since I was born and brought up a Jain.  Jains grow up feeling that they are blessed, because after doing good karmas for many many lives, they get to be born a Jain, which is the best of the human race.  We are almost divine – so our religion teaches us.  And if we follow all the precepts of the religion, we will definitely attain moksha.  Its pretty far out.  Any way I am a lapsed Jain, a sinner, so I am not superior and will definitely undergo many more cycles of life.  My live in help eats out of the same utensils we do, and I do not do things like get cheaper rice or stuff for him.  Non vegetarian food is cooked and consumed in our home, yes even on a Tuesday – all days are the same for us.  It does not matter to me what religion is being followed by my friends and loved ones.

So I thought I was tolerant – but am I?  Kid#1 has a friend who is gay.  He had never declared it – so we did not know.  Apparently his younger sibling opened his mail box and snooped into his emails and private stuff and found out…… and told their parents.  They live about two houses away.  The parents did not take it well at all.  The father actually slapped his son and told him “My son is dead for me”.  The boy came to talk to me, for some emotional support.  I said all the sympathetic things, but deep inside me was a feeling of relief that my son is not gay.  I was actually happy that I did not have to face this.  This is how tolerant I am.  I think I have gone quite a few steps down in my own self-estimation.

One of my best male friends was gay and it did not bother me.  He was the sweetest guy I knew.  This friend of Kid#1 is a loving affectionate and polite boy.  But when it came close to me and my family, it simply freaked me out.  All men are created equal irrespective of caste, creed, colour, religion and sexual orientation.  Yes I believe this and hate reading news about nuns being raped or Moslems being discriminated against.

The single most meaningful exhibit in this Museum building was the one dedicated to the civil rights movement – one of the most volatile and emotional periods in American history. A wall of large monitors at the exhibit reflects images and video from that period: African-American men and women being sprayed with fire hoses, hit with clubs, and hung from tree limbs by people who refused to believe all men are created equal.  We as a country are too hypocritical and cowardly.  We will bury this period somewhere deep and refuse to believe it ever happened …. and hope and pray that our children and loved ones do not force us to face our own narrow mindedness.

Today this issue came up again.  The boy has been given an ultimatum – to either become “normal” or leave home.  What is normal anyway?  Why is homosexuality such a bad word?  Why can’t we let these people co-exist peacefully – just because they are not like us?  Who says heterosexuals make great members of the society or parents?  Where is the outrage about the children who suffer as a result of divorce, infidelity, abuse, and other “crimes” perpetrated by heterosexual couples? Are we to believe that even those kids are better off than those who would be raised by two loving parents who happen to have the same plumbing?  And why don’t I freak out so much on facing lesbians?  Just because I have sons and not daughters?

I have no answers … I wonder if any one does?

Do read this on the same subject

My little one has grown up … sigh!

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Yes I know I know I know dammit – he is over 18, is in Engineering College and shaves!  But somehow he has always been my baby – and it took one helluva long time for me to even believe that he was not an infant.  It took the combined efforts of Kid#1 and DIL to shovel it into my head – Mom let go and let him fall, dust himself up and carry on without hovering over him (Thank you kids, I mean it truly), but it only started dawning on me after Kid#1 left the country for his education.  

In the last few months its been hitting me on the nut with increasing frequency

1. Mom, puhleez, I would rather you sit and I drive, your driving scares me …. Humph, considering that I drove him all over the town all his life – this was startling.

2. Mom, I have to go to college.  I might whine, I might be sick – whatever, dont let me convince you to let me stay at home.  Awww, so sweet and responsible.  Now I can cheerfully be the only brat in the house

But conversation on Saturday was too much :

Kid#2 : Ewwww, D is so annoying, he’s grossing me out

Me : What’s he done

Kid#2 : He’s in love

All three of us : Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Kid#2 : I am bored, all he can talk about is this chick, I’ll puke if I have to listen to more of it

Kid#1 : (no doubt remembering his days) Yeah so? That’s normal

Kid#2 : Its pissing off, and when they are together some part of them is touching

DIL : So?  That is how it works.  Are you jealous?

Kid#2 : Nah.  I think this chick is making a girl out of him.

Me : May be you’re feeling left out.  Get yourself some more friends.  Let him be

Kid#2 : I know all he wants to do is get laid.  But does he have to make such an ass of himself?

Me : Speechless and shocked : Splutter splutter gasp

Kid#1 : Hahahahaha Mom cant believe her baby even knows such language

Kid#2 : Oh Mom, wake up, I am a big dude now!

 

Sigh! Yeah my baby boy is all grown up now …..

The power of positive thinking

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How do you define a good pal – a good pal is the one who sends you a link to something so delightful as this.

Thanks Jaspal for seeing the inherent wisdom in the article even though you are male and would not know what she is talking about.

I was watching Baghban today.  I had wanted to see it when it was released but my kids would have none of that.  They did not want to be embarassed by me.  Yes, I am a softie and cry in movies.  I normally go for a weep-fest prepared with a box of tissues.  Heck I can even cry at a well presented Ram-Bharat milaap, though its such an overdone subject.  So I sat down with a towel and a huge cup of tea to watch the movie.  I wasn’t dissappointed.

What really impressed me was the quiet dignity displayed by the parents facing the changed circumstances and the realisation that their selfish and thoughtless children have no empathy or love for them.  So what did they do – they turned around the situation by fighting it and by being positive, like the girl on that public forum in front of an all male audience (in that article).

Life is not about being rich or poor, pretty or plain – life is all about attitude.  If we give up, we are finished.  We are not licked until we give up.

A Sunday well spent – a lesson revised.

Airline Industry – One Way Ticket, Destination Unknown

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I have been watching the Jet Airways drama unfold with great interest.  My son is a pilot -so I can not claim to be a mere observer.  Aviation Industry is going through a bad time, dropping passenger demand, high cost of aviation fuel, high taxes, rate-cuts by the competition making airfares uneconomical, etc. are making this profession as high a risk as the Banking Industry.

  • 1800 employees of Jet Airways get the sack, in a manner I would not dare to sack my daily help.
  • The press goes overboard covering the entire fiasco – of course, there is human interest and there is good copy – so many youthful pretty faces, young faces with anxiety writ on them. I bet the TRP of news channels shot through the roof.
  • Commentators going on and on about the “kaali diwali” for Jet employees, tugging at our heart-strings.  Hmmm, most of these PYTs would have been working on Diwali, if they had their jobs and not celebrating it – but never mind.
  • Raj Thackeray and other political types jumping in and threatening Naresh Goyal with dire consequences
  • Naresh Goyal reinstating the sacked employees – swearing on his mother that his motives were pure and he felt sorry for them and also that he did not buckle under any kind of pressure.  He also claims that he did not know about this mass scale sacking – WTF?????

Any industry is run for profits and the airline industry, if it is in the red will have to cut costs.  I think they were justified in cutting costs, only the manner in which they did it sucked big time.  It bothers me that these kids went rushing to MNS to get their jobs back.  Now will MNS force these kids to learn Marathi?  And will MNS put a clause in the re-instatement stating “Marathi people will get reinstated first”?  Sheesh, why give the damn thugs so much power and political mileage?  The company was within its rights to lay-off people on probation, and these kids have fed a snake that can only bite them some day.

It is a fact that there is a slump, global economy is facing an unprecedented downturn, the markets are down and big banks have fallen down like nine pins. India is also affected. Companies will have to take tough steps and shed excess weight to stay afloat. It is extremely worrying that the Jet employees have done what they did. Now we know that if some employees are laid off, all they have to do is organize dharna , call the media, cry on TV and tell sob stories of how their dreams were shattered and then approach opportunistic politicians to put pressure on management.

As for Jet, I strongly suspect that this whole episode is a drama to get sops from the Government.  After all, they do have an HR department which is highly paid and qualified.  They could have laid off employees in smaller chunks and in a more decent manner.  If these kids had been laid off due to some kind of a cash crunch, did the situation suddenly improve? 

Wonder what is happening behind the scenes.

I have new shiny digs and a new friend

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I am very hep and kewl now :D

I am a netizen and own property on the internet.  Yes I am blowing my own trumpet shamelessly.  I belong to a generation that can be called B.I. (Before Internet) and am adapting nicely to the A.I. (after internet) scenario and am feeling quite proud about it.

My friend and accomplice in this entire endeavour has been Mahjabeen of Studio M.  I really admired the header that Mad Momma put up on her blog and so got in touch with Mahjabeen.  I seriously toyed with the idea of uploading a pic of Praveen Babi walking out of water as my header, but was talked out of it.  The argument my family used was creative to say the least

1. You are not Praveen Babi (I know I know)

2. You dont look good in a bikini (Yeah I know, snarl, shut the fuck up)

3. Every time you see the blog it will make you want to race to the gym and bust your ass trying to look like her (sigh! you win, who needs that kind of competition anyway)

So Mahjabeen, who patiently waited for my final instructions got together with me and we settled for a header having me weaving the web with my hands and draping it on the W, Kid#1 in a pilot get up on the runway, Kid#2 (the engineer) with his mechanical gears as a background on the top and the footer has DIL with very arty background as she is the artistic one (interior designer no less) on my web page.

A very big thank you to Mahjabeen who succesfully interpreted my airy, vague, and often incomprehensible suggestions and gave them a concrete visual format.  It has been a wonderful experience interacting with you, my dear.  I have also been enriched by knowing her, she is so polite and approachable.  My mommy would have loved you my dear and would have told me ‘Why cant you be like her?”

I have told my sons that if they dont behave, I’ll put baby pics of them in the nude or dressed in girlie frocks for all eternity on my web page!  After all Mere paas Maa …. oops sorry …. Mahjabeen hai.

I had bought my domain a month or so ago and now the domain had to be shifted on the server.  I swear it was like the final stages of pregnancy.  It took more than 24 hours for the move to be accomplished, and guess who held my hand and told me :

Take it easy Ritu and

  •  
      Inhale through your nose 2-3-4, exhale through your mouth 2-3-4.
      Make sure that you don’t do it too fast.
  • When the contractions become stronger again, and this technique doesn’t seem to cut it anymore, this is what you do:
  •  
      Hee-hee, hee-hee, hee-hee, hee-hee

Yes, it was Mahjabeen helping me every step of the way.  I truly made a new friend. 

Relax, wander about, enjoy the new digs and let me know what you think of it.  Feedback is always appreciated.

I am a big girl now, I can take it.

If I cant, I’ll just find an image of you, get Mahjabeen to photoshop it and dedicate an entire post on you.  Hehehehehe After all Mere paas Maa … hajabeen Hai
:D

A feel good, romantic myth

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My father was a very indulgent husband and a cool parent.  He married my mother when she was barely sixteen and was often known to remark that he brought up three kids.  He always added Jee to her name and addressed her as Tussi or Aap.  Karva Chauth was big in our home.  Two weeks to D-day he took Mom shopping and bought her new clothes, a day earlier, matching bangles and trinkets etc were purchased.  He would wake up early and have sargi (breakfast before sunrise) with Mom.  On that day, we were told to curb our energies and tip toe around because Mom was fasting.  He would come back early from office and depute us on roofs and trees to keep a watch and holler when moon was sighted so that Mom could break her fast.  Sigh!  It was sooooo romantic.

Naturally I also kept the Karva Chauth.  And naturally it did not go too well for me.  I just dont have that kind of luck you see.  During my harmonious freakingly stormy wedded life, there were wars, and there were short intervals of I’m too tired to fight uneasy breathers.  We had a biggggg fight on one Karva Chauth when ex said something majorly caustic and rushed out to work.  He is King of Sarcasm.  I totally lost it.  In retrospect, I think it was because I could not top that one as he had left.  It was so frustrating, you know.  I could think of a dozen things to say which could top his lines, but he had effin left!!!  I did not want to keep the fast for him.  In fact I felt majorly martyrd by the entire concept of being hungry and thirsty for the entire day.  I had cooked a sumptious feast for the sargi which was still lying on the dining table.  So I sat down and ate.  I was not hungry (I had already eaten sargi)  but I ate the paranthas, the sewian, the gulab jamuns even though I felt sick.  Yes I am a spiteful cat if you rub me the wrong way. 

Stop pretending to be shocked, its all a myth okay.  Nothing bad happened to him.  He is still alive and healthy, and being tiresome.  It takes more than a couple of aloo paranthas eaten by an angry wife on Karva Chauth to kill a person.

Stop laughing!!!

DIL asked me the first year of her marriage about what to do for Karva Chauth and I told her “Beta keep it for one year, after that, if you dont want to, dont.  Doll up, apply mehendi, pamper yourself.  The fast is optional” and I told her this tale of mine.  She found it insane and repeated the damn thing to her mother and sister.  I know I know, I shouldnt have told her!   Her mother told me, “Both you and my daughter have the same nature”.  Ah well, I have decided to take that as a compliment.

She looked lovely all decked up last year (It was her first Karva Chauth) and has just informed me that she wants to keep it again this year. Awwwwww, sooo romantic.  I am so happy that she is keeping it for her own sentiments and out of her own free will.  Of course I am also so happy that I dont have to keep it.

Edited to add: Both the lovebirds are keeping the fast – for each other.  I am so impressed!

Blog Action Day 2008 Poverty

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I have two sons and no daughter.  I felt very discriminated about this because I really wanted a girl child.  I had this burning desire in me to show my family how a girl child should be given confidence and empowered.  I had visions of how I would bring her up, how I would not be bothered if she wanted to fly kites, play marbles or climb trees along with her story book and spend time reading on the branch of a tree.  I was scolded and beaten up for doing that.   But unfortunately this was not to be.

Life happened and I have had no time to actively participate in any kind of programme but I contribute to this charity and hope it makes a difference.  I am a guardian to one girl child and fund her education.  At least it keeps one little one off the streets.  Do visit the website.

No one takes me seriously… sigh!

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Let me give you a folk story from North West India …..

In a remote village, a bossy woman lived with her daughter-in-law. Although her son and husband lived with them too, it’s she who held sway over the entire family. One person who was always on her radar was the daughter-in-law. Like most mothers-in-law she used to point out flaws in almost everything her daughter-in-law did. As this woman took her role so seriously this reforming activity fast became a habit. The habit brought in her the ingenuity to find faults where they were none.  Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

One day while her daughter-in-law was preparing dough for the rotis (bread made out of wheat flour), to be cooked for the dinner, she stared at her rather furiously. When the daughter-in-law reacted with a questioning expression, pat came her reply—why do you move so much while making the dough?

Now I am sure it sounds familiar

Such absolute power.  Not one daughter in law could afford to ignore that mother in law.

I got this lovely invite in the mail

I sent it promptly to the DIL (in my defence I sent it to a whole lot of people including her)

She promptly rings me up from her work place and cant speak because she’s laughing her guts out. 

“Mom, trying to become a regular mother-in-law like Lalita Pawar are you?  You can’t so forget it”

Humph!  No one takes me seriously. Sigh ……………………..