North East, Lap of Nature

 

As a child nature and natural surroundings, the flora and fauna did not mean anything to me, it was background and ambiance for life.

 

In other words I was spoilt, as I grew up in surroundings people pay huge money to go and holiday in.  I was about eight when we got posted to Shillong.  Subsequently we lived in Kohima and then Imphal.

 

I remember the steep hills of Shillong where I had to march uphill to the convent I studied in, breathing in the pine and citrus laden air.  I remember weeping bitterly when one day my father walked down the road and some clouds came down and he disappeared into them.  I was scared the clouds had swallowed him.  I was/am some sort of a sleepwalker, only I do this rarely now.  Once I got out of my bed, walked out and slept on the grass in the lawn.  I opened my eyes to find the ground covered with frost.  I had fun stomping the crunchy frost.  Of course the parents were horrified and that was one time I got no sympathy for falling ill!

 

But the place I loved was Imphal – that is where I discovered my love for animals.  Imphal town is a valley, through which the Imphal river flows, the soil is black, rich in minerals and nutrients and very fertile.  When we just moved into our home, my mother along with the gardener pulled out chunks of canna from the lawn.  My mother loaded a whole lot of uprooted plants on a small go cart I had and told me to go to the edge of the forest and throw them.  I did.  Next rains we could see something red in the forests and went to investigate.  The cannas had flourished in the rains and were marching back to the colony.

Siroi Lily – the fragrance still lingers in my mind (Image sourced from Google)

And there were so many orchids of the most unusually bright colours, posting one such picture

Would you believe it, Ma grew these in our lawn?

I found flowers and trees my mother loved pretty tame, they did not play with you.  Animals did.  My brother and I collected strays at an astonishing rate.  My mother did not like animals but government homes allotted to my father were huge, and we kept the animals out of her way, and peacefully co-habited.  The previous resident of the house had constructed a pond in the backyard.  Ma got it cleaned and during the rains she got fish put in it.  It was a struggle initially to keep the fish alive, since frogs ate the fish lings, but soon we had a passable amount of fish for our meals.  But even these did not play with us.  We got a couple of kittens home at first.  Ma did not object much, and the kittens were fun.  They were so playful!  We soon got used to checking the curtains before pulling them, so as to avoid having a kitty fall on our head.  Women do not window shop as avidly as cats do.  Our cats spent hours staring into the pond, hoping that some fish would oblige them by jumping out of the water and into their mouths.

Then we got ourselves a pup, Coco.  He was a stray we found howling in the nearby jungle, he was such an adorable bundle of fur.  At first he was completely bullied by the cats in the house, who would smack him and then climb up the curtains or trees in the garden.  He was petrified by them, until he grew up.  One day it dawned on him that he was bigger than them and could fight back!  Then cat and dog wars occurred much to our delight – the frequency and intensity could have put Tom and Jerry cartoons to shade!  The dog would be sleeping lazily in the sun, and one or the other cat would creep upto him and either pull his tail or smack him on the face.  The dog would get up and chase the cat who would climb a tree and then tease him by stretching out on a branch and playing with the leaves.  The poor dog!  All he could do was scratch the tree trunk and bark angrily.

 

Coco grew up into a huge dog.  He was hefty and ferocious looking, but a very gentle soul!  When one of our cats gave birth to kittens, he decided that he was the Daddy and would play with the kittens for hours, and guard them from wild animals and strangers.

We lived quite close to the Imphal river – which is lovely.  Of course we had to deal with a lot of mosquitoes but that could not be helped!

 

My father had to go once and inaugurate a thermal power plant.  It was in the wilderness.  The ceremony was boring, the speeches more so.  We kids went wandering around the jungle and came upon a sleeping orange tabby.  Naturally we picked it up and brought it home.  It slept all the way home.  At home, our dog and cats first came to greet us, and then fled the moment they smelt it.  We did not know why, but when I tried to feed it, it attacked me.  In a few moments, my arms were covered with scratches and bites.  It was then that my father realized that it was a lion cub!  It was quickly put into a wooden crate, fed some raw meat and the next morning it was sent to the zoo.  I, or course, got tetanus shots.

Manipur has lush green forests, and of course a lot of wild animals.  The dangerous ones like snakes and scorpions and leeches one had to tolerate.  But playful creatures like sangai deer were a delight.  They had no fear of vehicles and would often race alongside us, and if they overtook, they would look back, as though egging us to hurry up and catch up with them. (Image sourced from Google)

 

A unique feature of Imphal is the Khwairamband Bazaar, also known as Ima Bazaar.  Each and every shopkeeper there is a woman (Ima means Mother). Everything you need, fresh farm produce, meat, fish, fruits and vegetables, honey, clothes and woolens are sold here.  I know this has nothing to do with nature – but since I was writing about Imphal, I felt the post would be incomplete without this picture. (Image sourced from Google)

Overheard in the mall elevator

Husband : So you finally found those shoes you wanted!

Wife : No, but these are better, I got them on sale

Husband : Oh Good!  How long do you think they will last you?

Wife : The salesman said they will give at least 500 miles jogging

Husband : How can they say that?  They would have to take in the condition of the road you jog on, your weight, the weather and a bunch of other things!

Wife (cold freezing tone as opposed to happy excited voice of moments earlier) : I have no idea

Husband : Totally oblivious to the chill in tone : So do you think you will get 500 miles out of those?

Complete cold silence …

Another Valentine Day’s Post

Its become a kind of tradition for me to write something on Valentine’s Day.  All my regular readers know that the commercial hard sell of V Day pisses me off.

Damn You Cupid!

Its not that I am against love …  I love my kids and the DIL, I love my dogs and fishes and even the lone turtle we have.  Love is good.

Sex is better!!!  I say this even though you may not be able to score on V Day, despite those huge obscene hearts and fat cupids hanging all over the malls that just seem to be egging you on to go and get some.

But this hype pisses me off.

Made me start thinking what do I love most?

Hmmm – LIFE I think.  The simple things -

A huge cup of coffee

A plateful of dal chawal with Bedekar mango pickle

A game of LUDO with the boys …. wherein I win (Dont knock it, I lose to them both all the damn time!)

A lovely song …

Now this is romance … not something that all the hearts and cupids can top!

But my all time love is writing … something expressed so beautifully in this blog post : I’d rather be writing

Eat your hearts out, Moral Police : To me writing tops all other activity, actually not ….. almost all other activity that one can engage in.

So I am going to finish another chapter of my next project today

Oh the times .. Oh the people

Or as they say in Latin O tempora, O mores …..

Kids kill teachers ….

In my personal opinion there are a lot of teachers and schools that deserve to be shot down … but not literally.  Schools in the country are destroying the natural human urge to learn and achieve .. but killing a teacher is not the way to address the problem.  It is a system failure …

And I definitely do not buy the spiel about teenagers being under too much stress these days.  In certain countries fifteen year old is adult!  We tend to baby our kids far too long.  Why, in my grandmother’s time fifteen year old girls were mothers!  And fifteen year old boys were in some kind of trade earning their own living.  So!

School kid stabs junior over perceived humiliation of his girl friend

Oh really?  This is definitely not macho or romantic.  This is patriarchy syndrome at its worst!  Not that I expect much better in the Jaatland I live in.

Sometimes I think that boys should be kicked on their arses and booted out of the parental abode to go earn their keep at age 14.  Then they would have school + tensions of a job + having to pick up their own mess and cook their own meals.  It would definitely keep aggression down, and keep them real.

I brought this over at breakfast at my own home.  Today Kid#2 was on breakfast duty and we got bacon and scrambled eggs and coffee strong enough to resurrect the dead, but I digress.

Kid#1 : Stabbing over a girl??? Gosh! How futile.  Now he will be in jail and the girl will possibly change her school and never meet him.

Darn right, I thought

Kid#2 : Damn I better keep my license and voters ID in my wallet all the time.  The police will be frothing in their mouths and checking every male for the next two months.

Practical!

Me – persisting – But did you ever feel the need to fight for a girl’s honor?

Both laughed.

Kid#1 : Hell yeah, fight yes.  But not over a chick!  Cant she fight for herself?  

Kid#2 : If she can’t stand up for herself, she is way too much responsibility.  I don’t need that.

Makes me hopeful, really hopeful that patriarchy is on its way out.

Now if someone could also, similarly dilute religious intolerance and jingoism, this world would be such a better place to live in.

Perhaps I am hoping for too much

To all you Mommy Bloggers out there

Tbg tweeted this yesterday

#NationalJewels @phoenixritu Best Mommy a boy could have

To say I am flattered would be an understatement ;) ; but then it made me wonder about the kind of mothers there are in this world …

Okay first a disclaimer : Mommies this is not about you, its about the other Mommy okay plus it is an over the top post so chill!

1. Mera Baby Perfect Mommy :

She is rose bespectacled, her baby is the perfect angel that does not throw up milk, is a good eater, meets all the milestones well within time, sleeps through the night, and does not fuss!  Yes, yes we know this paragon of virtue only exists in the mind of the fond Mama.
But have you even considered how much heartburn this lady inspires in other struggling mothers?  She corners all the bragging rights Gaaaaah!

 

2. The Fanaa Mommy

This poor thing went to pieces the moment she birthed a baby.  Her house looks like a typhoon hit it, meals are not cooked or burnt, everything is mismanaged.  If you try to talk to her, she bursts into tears or a litany of complaints.  Chill Mommy, its just a baby, too small a person to have a nervous breakdown about.

 

3. The PHD Mommy

The one who comes up to you and starts asking questions, may be 1000 questions about your baby … not because she is interested in your bundle of joy; simply because she does not want to read a book – her research is conducted by interviewing other Moms.  She does not divulge any information about her baby.  Litmus Test : Start asking her questions about her baby – she is sure to latch on to another mother.

 

4. The Lecturer Mommy

These ones are easy to spot by their initial question to a perfect stranger in a mall or a park “So is this your first?’  If you nod, unsolicited advise will start coming your way.  Since their baby has been born before yours, it gives them the licence to lecture you ….

 

5. The Main Bechari Mommy

The bang opposite of the Mera Baby Perfect Mommy.  She whines, is completely depressed.  She will moan about such things like … the baby is unmanageable, the in laws and husband are un-supportive, she is constantly tired, she looks a mess etc etc.  You kind of start wondering what would happen to her if she had twins :P  Actually when my kids were small I kind of liked having one of these Mommies around me, it made feel good about myself.

And then there are these types – as seen by kids who are no longer infants :

The Hisaabi Mummy : Maine tere liye itna kiya, badle mein kya mila?

Dhamki Waali Mummy : Aane do Papa ko, phir teri akal thikani lagegi

Historical Mummy : Tere umar ki thi to poora ghar sambhalti thi

Gumshuda Mummy : Pata nahin kahan rakh dete ho cheezen, kuch nahin milta time se

The Sherlock Holmes Mummy : Ten on ten?   Zaroor cheating kari hai!

The Seer :  I knew it, I knew it!  I told you earlier, it would break/get lost/get stolen …

Smartass Mummy : In reply to the question : Where is my …. whatever?.. she snarls, “Am I google or what?”

I do this very often :P

Selfish Mummy : (After you have done something particularly selfless like donating blood) Khila Pila kar blood banaya tha, and you donated it?

The Don Mummy : Get off the phone/computer or, alternatively, Turn off the television/music nahin to aag laga doongi!

I do this very often too  :P

The Filmy Mommy  : She watches daily soaps avidly, cries buckets when a mother – son crisis happens in movies or the aforementioned soaps, will support and shield her children from Daddy rages and feed them goodies.  Somewhere in her heart of hearts, she will long to mouth dialogues like Mere Karan Arjun ayenge, zaroor ayenge.  She is longing for that champion who validates her Mommyhood…. and heavens help the hapless daughter in laws who weaken that bond!

 

 

Silly Times

Now that our respected leaders have scared away Team Anna which has dug itself a trench and jumped into it … News has been boring.  There are no threatened bans on Facebook and Google, even though  Blogger is quietly putting its shop in order.  I read this at the Blogger faq site recently

Why does my blog redirect to a country-specific URL?

Q: Why am I seeing a URL change?
A: Over the coming weeks you might notice that the URL of a blog you’re reading has been redirected to a country-code top level domain, or “ccTLD.” For example, if you’re in Australia and viewing [blogname].blogspot.com, you might be redirected [blogname].blogspot.com.au. A ccTLD, when it appears, corresponds with the country of the reader’s current location.

Q: Where will I see this change? 
A: We routinely launch limited updates, so in the coming months you will see ccTLDs in additional countries.

Q: Why is this happening?
A: Migrating to localized domains will allow us to continue promoting free expression and responsible publishing while providing greater flexibility in complying with valid removal requests pursuant to local law. By utilizing ccTLDs, content removals can be managed on a per country basis, which will limit their impact to the smallest number of readers. Content removed due to a specific country’s law will only be removed from the relevant ccTLD.

Q: How will this change affect my blog?
A: Blog owners should not see any visible differences to their blog other than the URL redirecting to a ccTLD. URLs of custom domains will be unaffected.

So, effectively we are being grouped into country specific groups … so that we can be censored ..

This is really bad news – I thought that at last the world was shrinking, and information was not in the hands of a select few …  It can only get worse.  Even News Hour has lost its flavor … same old politicians mouthing lines they dont mean – Oh and I am not talking about Mulayam Singh offering jobs to rape victims!  Can you imagine the number of improvished families pushing their women to get raped or else?  And can you imagine the pressure on the cops to produce “Rape Certificates” genuine or forged?  Silly times …

The only thing that put a smile to my face was Shah Rukh Khan slapping Shirish Kunder and Amul topping it with this ad

Trust Shah Rukh Khan to cheer me up

 

Conversations in the internet era

Note : We live in a duplex, and the boys have bedrooms on the first floor and I lord it (queen it?) in solitary splendour on the ground floor.  I hate going upstairs for every time I want to talk to them.  Hence phones and gmail give me stellar service

Email from me to Ishaan

 

Betaji

 

Request you to please start working with me on the book trailer

 

Regards

 

Me

 

 

Five minutes pass ….

 

Ten minutes pass ….

 

Fifteen bloody minutes pass …

 

And I get a cryptic reply

 

LOL

 

Hain jee?

 

Thoughts on the wedding of a niece …

1.  Why is it that the boy’s family is considered oh so superior in a traditional Hindu set up?

2.  Why is it that the girl is given wise advice on how she should bend over backwards to adjust?  I am sure the groom gets no such advise ….

3.  Why is the food always fried and if not – dollops of ghee/butter is poured into it?

4.  Why do weddings happen always in winters?  It is so chilly in the night brrrrrr!

5.  Why does some one always throw a tantrum?  It is full on drama time, with tears, sulks and tantrums, followed by the jhappis and smiles ;)

6.   Why do the pheras have to happen in the wee hours of the morning – in this weather?

Ahhh the long commutes to farm houses, the frazzled nerves, the meetings with long lost and forgotten relatives one never wanted to meet ……

Ahhh the kulfis and gol gappas and gajar halwas and piping hot gulab jamuns …

Ahhh the dhol beats, the tired sleep deprived but fun filled nights

The booze drunk on the sly, the stolen puffs of cigarettes …

The bottles of alcohol hidden in car boots, along with ice, soda and glasses.  Apparently this set up is called car-O-bar :D

Big Fat Punjabi Weddings are the best – especially if they are in the family.

Now I better get dressed and leave for the pheras

 

 

 

And I am back!!!!

Can you imagine the torture I have been through?  First I get mildly hacked …. and then one fine day, my entire data base of posts got eaten up …

Shreeman hackerji took away five years worth of posts.  It was as though the ground was cut away from under my feet.  Still I painfully retrieved what was lost.  The last few posts disappeared, and will probably be floating around in ether along with misplaced keys, lost hankies and socks and bits and pieces of forgotten crushes and broken hearts.

It that were not enough … the Salman Rushdie thing happened and I could not vent.  This made me more determined to set up blog again.  My sons have advised me not to write nasty blog posts about the aforementioned Shreemanji …

I am trying, I am trying and I am trying to be nice.

Sigh … “Discretion is the better part of valour” was obviously not coined for people like me.  I am territorial and this is my space.  Life without “My Precccciousss” said like Golem … was hard.

But on the flip side, life without My Preccciousss made me finally finish my third novel.  So something good came out of it definitely.

Feels good to be back :D