Adult kids and the Art of War

Kid#2 can’t wait to taste freedom.  I am not an interfering parent – am at work the whole day so have given it up – but he would love to be out there in the world and keeps pointing out – charmingly – that he has one foot out of the door.  He has four or five years to freedom he gleefully told me.

I dont take his eagerness personally, though I admit I sometimes get the urge to hasten the process by kicking his charming butt out of the door – sometimes ….., but not so long ago I did the same.  I thought my only route to freedom lay in getting married – and I did that at a very young age.  And the apple doesnt fall far from the tree does it?

I dreamt of no curfews, being able to play my kind of music, hobnob with friends till late in the night, sleep when I wanted to, wake up late.  But marriage was a poor trade, with restrictive in-laws and duties towards them, and then babies.  I’ll admit that its a source of amusement.  I am waiting eagerly for the two of them to start their own households.  They will have to cook their own dinners, fridges wont magically re-stock themselves, phones will go dead if bills aren’t paid and electricity costs a lot.  It will be amusing to see how they cope with all this and reality does bite the arse  :)

Yeah, kids, don’t be in a hurry to leave the motherly abode even though you have to deal with a batty middle aged mother on a daily basis, freedom isn’t as hot as you think it is.  On my part – I look forward to your tryst with adulthood and independence.  It can be humbling and I would love to see you cope :D

Of course I won’t hurry it … but I understand.  Enjoy whatever remains of your childhood while you can.  It is all a part of life, and soon I will be living alone wondering why you don’t call or visit any more.

After all the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

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Conversation when Kid#1 was 17 years old

Kid#1  Mom, I want a bike too

Me : What do you need a bike for?

Kid#1  To go to school

Me : School is five minutes away, on foot.  You can see it from home!

Kid#1 (At his whiney best) Every one in my class has one.  I’m the only one who doesnt

Me : What about your cycle

Kid#1 : Its sooo embarassing

I looked at him and had visions of me going through the same conversation with my parents – except that it was to get my ears pierced ( 4 holes per ear )  and my father insisting that if God wanted women to have pierced ears, baby girls would have been sent down with pierced ears.   WIERD.  So I spoke the same words my Father did years ago :

Me : So if every one jumped into the river, you would too.  I thought I raised you to be an independent thinker.

Kid#1 : See with a bike, I could run errands for you, get milk, drop Kid#2 to his tuition.  Life would get easier for you too.  You get so tired running around …..

Not bad.  At least he could swing the ball, even though he was about to be hit for a six.  I admired his effort.  But – Mom isn’t that old or dumb

Me : You mean that you can go wander all over town, with or without Kid#2, and get back home just when I return from work.  No way.  Besides the Govt. gives you a licence when you are 18.  Once you get a licence we can talk about it. 

So we settled for a licence when he reaches 18 years …. vehicle thereafter.  And I started saving and keeping a vigilant eye on him because I knew he wouldn’t wait and would drive the darn two wheelers belonging to his friends.  After all, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

I had a similar conversation with Kid#2 when he was sixteen and experienced a strong sense of de ja vu ….

The Mommy Curse … Blessing?

You know what the ultimate threat/wish of a mother is?  The one that comes spontaneously when the kids do not kneel on the floor and rub their nose in the ground pay proper and adequate respect to her as a parental authority?  Well she draws herself to her full height (so what if she is short) and hisses “May you have children just like you”.  My Mom cursed , Blessed me with those very words, and guess what, yeah, I am doing just the same.

It was February and I was taking special care of my appearance.  Since I was skinny (sigh, wish I still was) I decided to wear a full length parrot green gown with lots of frills and flounces, rolled up socks in my bra, lipstick on my mouth (dark red) a bit on my cheek (YES dark red) green eyeliner and high heels I could barely balance on.  It was my very first adult party, the school farewell.  The family thought I looked something like this, but mercifully did not tell me

But I thought I looked like this

Yes in my eyes I was hot and thought I would be the most popular person in the party.  Sadly this is India and us girls were all huddled on one side of the room trying our best to be oblivious of the boys eyeing us warily from their side of the room.  And our Phys Ed teacher had rotten taste in music and kept playing Donny Osmond and Rishi-Neetu songs.  Naturally no one wanted to dance to that  even if we were asked to dance.  One of our teachers came and told us girls that we should dance and we did … with each other.  Our high heels came off and we danced barefoot to Ek Main aur Ek Tu.  Kid#1 smartly did not go for his farewell party.  Kid#2 did, clad in brand new Levi jeans, lovely Nike shoes and a psychedelic shirt which never got worn again.  He came back at 8 pm with a disgusted expression and insisted that we go out and party.  I nearly said “But you already came back from one”.  Luckily I did not and saved my reputation for that day.  No, I never asked him what went wrong.  I suspect his metallic smile (braces) might have a lot to do with it.

I could hear my Ma say “May you have kids just like you”

Well you cant keep my kids down any more that you could supress me.  We land on our feet.  We are survivors.  Its Kid#2′s Fresher’s Meet today and since I had his School farewell in mind, I was full of concern and started quizzing him about the programme, the music, the dancing he might have to do (he doesnt like to dance) and he turns and quashes me down with a very patronising and worldly smile

“Ma, we are grown up okay.  We will sit and drink, and if something clicks ….” and gave a very man of the world shrug.

Hello? He is eighteen years old, in his first year. 

And I hear my Ma saying “May you have kids just like you”

Well, okay, I’ll pass it forward … My darling son, May you have kids just like you