This story is included in an anthology of short stories called Ripples
The link to the Facebook page of Ripples
My daughter’s stricken eyes haunt me
24
Monthly Archives: February 2010
My wedding drama
I am picking up Monika’s tag with a lot of mixed feelings. Its not because I feel embarassed or ashamed about my wedding, but its more like “Do I want to revisit the scene of the crime in which I got caught?”. I mean if you have made an ass of yourself, and got caught at it, you’d rather not go back and view the entire episode once more would you? But then – the quotation “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” was coined by wise people when they met and analyzed someone like me I guess.
Ex is part Bengali and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji). The appelation Khatri+Arya Samaaaji has been keyed in because it has a significant role to play in the entire story.
I come from a stock of part Punjabi Jain and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji).
When Mom was opposed to the wedding, she yelled at me : He’s Bengali and you’re Punjabi, what will your kids be?
“Mongrels!” I yelled right back
I never thought of not having kids, idiot that I am! I would have been a very wealthy bitch if I did not have such bad tastes, but possibly snotty, unhappy and bitter. Ah well!
My parents decided to get me married to a suitable boy.
I decided otherwise. So wedding no. 1 happened.
Ex and I eloped in the inauspicious month of shraddh, a pandit was abducted and forced to perform the ceremony in someone’s disused factory. A person was introduced to me with “Hey Ritz this is your parent who’s gonna do the kanyadaan” and I said “Hi howdyodu!”. I was freaking out, breaking into cold sweat every single second, but was adamant that I had to marry this guy and this guy only. Ex was part grateful and part streamrollered by my determination. Photographs were duly taken as proof (the court required them). We partied, and then I went back to the hostel and Ex went back to his place.
Wedding no. 2 or the wedding that did not happen
A friend who was studying law escorted us to get our marriage registered by the court. The court required the banns to be published plus there was this little, minor, teensy weensy issue of the bride’s age. I had a melt down, screamed at the love of my life, quarreled with said friend and generally behaved like a diva. I could see ex having serious second thoughts about our future life. His fault right? He should have known better that to fall in love with me.
Wedding no. 3
My father smartly decided that me and my mother, both of who could be depended upon for even disagreeing about the colour of milk (white/yellowish white) could settle the issue of my wedding. It was simple. My mother refused to recognize it, and I refused to come back home from the hostel unless she did. Ex could pay the hostel fees, big effin deal! We had rounds and rounds of verbal bouts. I decided that I would never laugh at a B grade romantic Hindi movie again. My life seemed to be running true to that format. Things came to head one day when we met at a neutral place (a coffee shop) and I refused to take pocket money from them on grounds that I was married and did not need it. Told ya, I have the makings of a snotty bitch! My kids nip such developments at the bud and keep me humble.
My father, hitherto a quiet and concerned spectator, interjected before Mom threw her coffee at me and I walked out. He said “Okay she is married, so lets just leave it at that. We can acknowledge ex as son-in-law, and we can start life and rebuild relationships”.
I burst into grateful tears and said “Papa I love you.”
Mom was horrified “Log kya kahenge?”. But oh well, at least he had some Punjabi Khatri blood in him. Oh she also had fears that a marriage done in shraddh could never be good. So she insisted I have proper feras. So dear readers, the roka happened 14 days after I got married! Told ya, my life is frickin insane. The kundalis were matched by a pandit who (man gotta give him 100% for accuracy!) said “They’ve already got married!” in front of my Tayaji. Mom had a melt down. Then we had the ring ceremony and the wedding.
Phew!
My friend B…. once observed when the marriage was in doldrums
“Ritz you got married thrice … (Actually two and a half, but who’s counting?)
“Yeah I know”
“To the same dude!”
Me with a deep sigh “Yeah I know, dont rub it in!
Yeah I know …. I know …… I am frickin insane!
I tag the following
Indiyeah She recently got engaged so may have interesting stories
If you like this post, do vote for it at indivine
My favorite movie lines – They’re called boobs Ed
This is a tag forwarded to me by Shilpadesh and I am going to have fun with it
On your blog, provide a link to the Great Bong’s page, May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss. Embedding the above picture in your blog would be nice but not needed.
The May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss contest
2. Then write down your top 10 Hindi movie lines or top 10 English movie lines (You can do both if you want. Only one set is required for the contest). If you cannot think of top 10, make it top 5. Cannot think of even 5? Make it top 3. No problem. Only restriction: no two lines from same movie. This done to make it fair for other movies so that they dont get swamped by Gunda or Loha or Sholay.
3. Tag five friends to do the same.
4. Come over to the comment-space of this post and post your blog’s link so I can go and read it.
Remember: Before starting the tag, paste points 1 and 4 on your blog so that the rules are available to anyone who wishes to pick the tag up from your blog.
………………………………………..
Favorite line no. 1
They’re called boobs Ed! Movie Erin Bronkowich actress Julia Roberts.
Ed Masry: What makes you think you can just walk in there and take whatever you want?
Erin Brockovich: They’re called boobs, Ed.
Favorite Line No. 2
The Movie Om Shanti Om : The Award Speech done very well by Shah Rukh Khan
Filmon ki tarah humarey zindagi mein bhi end tak sab kuch theekh hi ho jata hai. Happys Ending! Aur agar theekh na ho, toh voh the end nahin. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.
Favorite Line No. 3
The movie Musafir starring Sanjay Dutt and Anil Kapoor, Sameera and Sanjay Manjrekar
Sunjay as Billa to Anil Kapoor : Film mein villain hero ko tension deta hai par yahan tu hero hi villain ko tension de raha hai ?
Sanjay Manjrekar playing irate husband to Sameera who emerges from the bathroom with Anil Kapoor following her
Too bhi bathroom mein, Ye bhi bathroom mein, Dono mil kar bathroom ki tanki saaf kar rahey the ?
I know I know, only one line per movie but this movie has awesome dialogues
Favorite Movie Line No. 4
Pyaar Ke Side Effects
Breakup Ka Side effect no.2
Ex girlfriend ko bhulne ke liye bhaut sari shopping karni hogi..it really helps..maine 15 hazar ki ghadi lee hai aur 25 hazar ke speaker’s…Of course on installments..but i feel AWESOME!!!
Favorite Movie Line No. 5
Film Omkara, the Hindi adaptation of Othello – the best lines were given to Saif or Langda Tyagi
One of them …
Bewakoof aur chutiye mein dhaage barabar ka farak hota hai. Dhage ke henge bewakoof aur hunge, chutiya. Aur jo dhaaga khench lo, to kaun hai bewakoof kaun hai chutiya, carore rupiye ka prashan hai bhaiya. Tu to bewakoof hain na? Chutiya to insaan shaadi ke baad hove hai.
Favorite Movie Line No. 6
Movie 16 December
Danny Denzongpa : Mera bharat mahan, sou mein se ninyanvein beman
Favorite Line No. 7
Movie : Jab We Met
Kareena’s entry in the train Haath chodo mera, ab itni bhi khoobsurat nahin hoon main
Favorite Movie Line No. 8
Don ko pakad pana mushkil hi nahin namumkin hai
I really dont know who delivered this dialogue better, Mr. Bacchan or Mr. Shah Rukh Khan
Favorite Movie Line No. 9
Movie : Damini
Yeh Dhai kilo ka haath jab kisipe padtha hai na…toh aadmin ut-tha nahi uth jaata hai..
The Tareekh Pey Tareekh dialogue was good too
Favorite Movie Line No. 10
Film : Amar Akbar Anthony
Amitabh Bacchan : Aisa to Aadmi Life mein Doich time bhaagta hai. Olympic ka race ho, yaa Police ka case ho. Tum kisliye bhaagta hai bhai?
Favorite Line No. 11 (10th in Hindi)
Shucks, I checked ; hafta do one more hindi one phew!
Hehehehe Actually just looking for a way to put this gem by Shatrughan Sinha in Vishwanaat
Jali ko aag kehte hain, bujhee ko raakh kehte hain, jis raakh se barood bane use Vishwanath kehete hain
Hmm : Now I have to tag someone
Here goes -
Down memory lane on Valentines Day
So when did you first fall in love?
I fell in love for the first time when I was about ten. As per my kids, I was not precocious, just a damn fool. I think I agree.
But the moment I came upon a pic of his in a magazine or I heard his voice on the radio, I would simply melt
All the King had to do was sing “Love Me Tender” or “Dont be cruel” and I would melt. Thank goodness there was no television those days otherwise I would have been lost without any redemption at all.
Remember this is the time when dardnaak muhobbat ke gaane were so in on Vividh Bharati and Mohd. Rafi reigned supreme. Well the poetry of the sad emotional songs was good, so was the melody but this was so not my thing.
My idea of a broken romance is “Move on dude, there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. So the sad mournful music of the time like this … I could not empathize with it
The video cannot be shown at the moment. Please try again later.
Thankfully we had these dudes
and then these guys came … they could sing and look pretty!!
This was young, joyous and life in technicolor.
Then of course came the Angry Young Man
Flixster – Share Movies
He was tall, hot and could kick ass. He was not into faltu ka emosanal attyachaar, and thankfully neither was India. I even wrote him poems and love letters which I never sent Sighhhhhh. One of them made history …….
I am putting a version of the one I wrote – Mom burnt the original but my siblings remember the gist and that is what I am repeating here …..
Dear Vijay
I love you. I love the way you walk into the room. My friends and I stopped breathing when you walked in wearing your uniform. I can follow you wherever you go, anywhere, everywhere, over the sky, under the ground (okay I kind of went overboard, but I was only ten or twelve whatever ….)
When I see you angry, my heart beats for you, when I see you smile, my heart beats for you, when you just stand there, my heart beats for you
All my friends want to marry you, but I want you to be mine and mine only
I love you
Ritu
Well, my brother found it (the snoopy pest!) and he showed it to my cousins and somehow my mother got to know about it. Oh I must add, I had used pink pens to draw hearts all over the letter. I added stars too ~~~
My mother was not impressed by the artistic and literary masterpiece. I was so dazzled by the movie, which I had seen thrice in 3 days, I had addressed him as Vijay and not Amitabh Bacchan! She thought some soldier or cop was the recipient of my ardour. You can imagine the commotion at home! Sigh!! The course of true love is never smooth and easy.
In real life my encounters with the opposite sex were not so good. The first guy who kissed me – well, I pushed him into the river. I was so offended – though for the life of me I cant understand why! My siblings would always advise prospective suitors to first learn swimming.
Romance and I dont sync well I guess! I’d rather drink and observe Valentine’s Day toasting to other peoples love and eating chocolate.
Romance comes and romance goes, wine, cheese and chocolate last forever. If you dont believe that – try to get rid of the weight you put on eating these
My new toy
I am a gizmo freak and well if the gizmo keeps me logged on to the net all the time, even when there are horrendous power cuts, it is just the thing for me. For years (actually ever since I got to know about this darling thing) I have been longing for an Iphone.
Sigh!
And what do you know! I finally got it
Thank you Kid#1
Thank you The Secret
Thank you Universe
Thank you Shah Rukh Khan
and
Last but not least : Thank you Vin Diesel (Since I was thanking every one else … )
Flash back to a month back
Kid#1 : Hello Mom, what do you want from Philippines
Me : Nothing beta, yahan sab kuch milta hai
Kid#1 : Are you serious? Look dont ask for booze and dont ask for a male Philipino. Ab what do you want?
Me : Sigh, kuch bhi nahin. Just come back qualified, hale and hearty
( I could have asked for sex toys, could have asked for ~ darn he said no to booze! I could have asked for ~~~ You get the picture)
Kid#1 : Who are you and what have you done to my Mom!
Me : LOL! Yeah I was trying to be sensible and noble
Kid#1 : Aint working
Me : Dont waste too much money! Yeah get me an MP3 player
Kid#1 : You want an Iphone
Me : Nobility gayi tel lene! How much does it cost?
Kid#1 : LOL! Lemme check!
He got a slightly used one at half the price of a new Iphone. We got it customized for India, and that took about a week!
Oh wow! I am over the moon! I can take pics and post em on my blog. I can pester the kids to pose for me forever, photograph the dogs and even our fishes! I have an Iphone.
I have put twitter and facebook on the phone. Folks I am taking my net addiction to a new level.
Like Shah Rukh Khan said in his speech in Om Shanti Om
My Hero! I love Shah Rukh Khan
1. He has the cutest boyish smile – and the twinkle in his eyes Oooooh! I normally go for the hot muscular bodies but something about the guy just works for me.
2. He is non-filmy and comes through as fairly grounded – even though he is this huge larger-than-life hero
3. He is a good father and a family man
4. Oh Did I mention his good looks? ~ never mind, it can be repeated
5. He’s versatile, like the papplu that makes the winning hand. You can pair him with any leading lady from Kajol and Shilpa to Anoushka and voila – you have a hit
6. You can watch him in brooding intense roles as the hockey coach of a woman’s team and it works, you can watch him as a shy dude or a cold and unscrupulous Don, it works
7. Oh did I mention the boyish dimpled smile – oh I did – never mind
8. He is from Delhi and that is nice
9. He proudly proclaims that he is a Joru Ka Gulam, that is so refreshing! He comes through as humane and normal. Either he is a damn good actor or is genuinely grounded and balanced.
10. But most of all I love him for the way he has refused to back down in face of the bully boy tactics of Raj Thackeray and his tribe.
I love his Badshahi Andaaz here
Article from Bollyspice
This is Shah Rukh Khan‘s request to those threatening to stop the screening in India of his latest movie My Name is Khan releasing next week. At the London press conference on Wednesday, King Khan was quizzed about his stand and candidly spoke about it. “As a Hindi film hero who’s given an iconic status, it scares me to say anything. Our stakes are very high. I want to apologize to Karan Johar, Kajol and the MNIK team because what I say and believe is going to affect their work and I have no idea how to change that.”
His recent comments supporting Pakistani cricketers playing in India has cause right-wing organisation Shiv Sena to threaten the screening of his film in Mumbai. They have even burnt effigies of the actor as well as Aamir Khan who has the same stand.
In the past although his colleagues have apologised to Shiv Sainiks, Shah Rukh has a different approach to it. “I really don’t know what the issue is about and what do I need to apologise for. Am I supposed to retract to I’m an Indian but I don’t want anyone to come to my country?”
This incident has also affected Shah Rukh emotionally. “When a film releases, you are tensed but highly excited and I work for that excitement. But this time I am just sad and it is not jetlag.”
Amitabh and Jaya Bacchan apologised, Karan Johar apologised. I never understood why. But Shah Rukh took a stand! I truly love and respect him for this!
Mera Naam Hai ~ ~ TiTu
Remember the song in a movie called Kati Patang which went “Mera Naam Hai Shabnam”. Hmmm I thought Bindu looked hot and Asha Parekh seriously lost in the life and charisma department. However that is not what this blog post is about ….
It is a prayer of thanks to Godji for giving my folks enough grey matter to not name me Pinky, Tiny, Teetu, Pappu or whatever the eff Punjabi folk name their kids. Yesterday the car door got mended and the mechanic who did this was an obese and unkempt looking surd called Lovely
I am sure when he was a kid, growing up and committing parenticide must have featured hugely in his list of things to do. Why dont they have a system wherein the kid gets to have a say in what he/she is named?
We have auto rickshaws proclaiming Tiny Tey Dolly Di Gaddi . Tiny grows up to be 6 feet and huge, Dolly brought up on aloo paranthas and butter is nothing like a fragile doll. We also have the evergreen names i.e. Pappu, Pinky, Jolly and Teetu.
Teetu or Titu whatever has played an interesting role – like the proverbial joker, he slips into a few significant incidents to make the game.
I have a cousin who was not at all academic. Cousin V would threaten to commit suicide or run away if any one scolded him for failing or getting bad marks. I mean his threats were at times dangerous and at times wild and creative. So were his excuses. If he spent a fraction of that ingenuity in trying to clear his papers he could have been home free. But it would not have been fun.
Example : All kids washed and dressed for dinner with report cards in hand waiting for the signature of the parents. His turn came before ours since he was about 7 years older ….
Uncle solemnly enquired : Hor, Kiddan Kitta Paper ? (And how did you fare?)
Cousin V : Blurting out while handing his report card : Titu vi fail ho gaya. (Titu also failed!)
Uncle : Slightly distracted : Keda Titu? (Which Titu)
Cousin V : Pointing at the hapless cousin S next in line : Titu – the one who stays four houses away, this one’s particular friend (quickly snatching the next cousin’s report and thrusting that into his father’s hands and slinking away)
Well he went without dinner and the entire evening was spent discussing how to punish him and we got off easy.
God bless Titu and Cousin V
Some years ago, a few of us cousins with kids in tow went on a bus journey to Chandigarh. The bus stops for a longish while mid way where every one stretches their legs, visits the wash rooms etc.
One of my cousins’ wife had to nurse her baby and she went into a secluded rest room for that. This took a bit of time. The bus driver and conductor started getting restive. One of the kids was sent after the mother and baby duo
Ripe for mischief and in no mood to hearing the driver grumble, the rest of the gang started creating a huge noise
Titu Oyye
Titu Oyyye
Oyyye Kithey Gaya Titu????
Titu Oyyye!!
One of the co-passengers asked “Who is Titu?”
They happily lied – “He was sitting here, just started talking to him. We dont know him but he may have left his luggage here ….”
There was some tension as to unattended luggage that made the driver and conductor search the bus. It took 15 minutes in which other well wishers joined in
Titu Oyyye!
Soon we had the entire bus looking for the mythical Titu
Meanwhile the kids got the mother and infant duo back in the bus unnoticed. The cousins regretfully abandoned their search for the mythical Titu
The bus left for Chandigarh.
Well – now we simply charter a bus. Its way more simpler!
P.S. (This is a small adaptation of ideas I am working into a book that I am writing. Do you think such tales will sell? Need some feedback)