Font "Warp 1" was not found.The art of gifting to people you hate
Yeah this is a social art one should learn. One is faced with many situations when one has to paint a fake smile on the face, show pleasure, fork out a whole lot of hard earned money and get a gift for someone one wishes were wiped off the face of this earth! We need to do the gifting thing for Diwali, for Christmas, for weddings and New Year.
If you are a north Indian, life gets easier. You simply take a shagun envelope, pop in some money, seal it and slip it into the said person’s pocket. Chore done! We have reduced gifting to a simple financial transaction. But it simply does not reflect the anger, the displeasure that one feels in parting with that sum of money does it? I mean it does not say “Mrs. Chopra, I think you are an overfed, over made up empty headed shallow person, and I don’t give a rat’s ass that your spoilt son is getting married” etc etc. Get my drift?
Well, if one has to do the deed, I think one can do it with panache!
So here are my suggestions for really creative gifting 
EVIL GIFTING IDEAS
1. Santa themed neck tie
Dont knock it. Someone gave ex a red christmassy tie with santas, reindeers and christmas bells on it. The look on his face was priceless when he unwrapped it. Well, he never wore it (obviously) and I ultimately hung a few bells using it as a string on the baby’s crib. I have always found it really creatively evil gifting idea! While on the subject a hawaiian shirt would do well too.
2. A hard-bound copy of the Ramayana or Geeta (written in Sanskrit with no translation).
Feel free to substitute it with other appropriate religious material. Most effective when the recipient is young, non-religious and suffering from a hangover when he unwraps it.
3. A Morning Walker :
Ideal gift to give to an ex who is simply not moving on or getting the message. If you do not want to spend that much money, a Low Cal diet recipe book will suffice too.
4. A dress that is just one size small.
This is purrrfect for the oh so superior patronizing females. I have heard of a lady who did that every christmas for her daughters and daughter in laws. Then she would insist on them modeling it for her and then cluck sympathetically and say “I simply did not realize how healthy my darling girls have grown!”
Well Alicia Keyes dress says it all ~~~ and most of us arent as shapely as her to carry it off even this much~
5. A vacuum cleaner/Vesta dish warmers.
Husbands if you hate your wives go for it! If you hate sleeping on the couch, dont do it, tempting though it may be ….. :P
6. A life-sized framed poster of Kylie Minogue looking like this
Works wonderfully as Mrs. Chopra’s spoilt son’s wedding gift. She can spend the rest of her life bitching about it at kitty parties, but her son wont know where to keep it – not to mention – how to explain to his bride!
7. Soap
Cheap, unimaginative. Just sends the message that you could not be bothered to think of a suitable gift at the best; and that you think the person should wash up, at the worst.
8. A drum set (the electronic one with 6 different tones and 8 different beats) for your least favorite cousin’s brat
The good thing will be that you will no longer be on talking terms with your cousin. A win-win situation
9. A neatly packed set of mouth freshener, dental floss and mouth wash
10. Santa Toilet Seat Covers and Shower Decorations
I saw these at Amazon, laughed my guts out and got inspired into writing this blog!
Font "Warp 1" was not found.Comments
21 Responses to “The art of gifting to people you hate”
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I once was really keen to gift one friend a mouth wash.. !!! but my wife’s sanity prevailed… !! I thought a Deo was a pretty nasty gift too 1!!!
Sheer evil! I love ya!
LOL! i usually never gift people i hate, but this is sure a nice way of annoying them.
There are times one has to ~~ if one has to fork out the funds, one may as well enjoy tormenting the recipient
4. A dress that is just one size small.- effective!
6. A life-sized framed poster of Kylie Minogue looking like this.- true evil!
==7. Soap- my best pick
==
As Hitchy says deo works equally well
ROFL I am still laughing
Monika
It was very funny.
However,no one gifts with intention of adding to anyone’s wealth.
It is a custom and I feel there is nothing wrong with it.
Yes in North, those who receive the gifts make sure they reciprocate at the appropriate occasion.
Yes it is a custom … and I would enjoy it if it reflected my true feelings, and adding to said person’s wealth can never happen with gifts
Good one. Funny as ever
And I have gifted the odd drum set to parents I find annoying. I should try the others on this list too…
However I am not understanding your dislike for hawaiin shirts
. Some of them are rather nice!!!!! And proclaim “I am on vacation” louder than the afternoon glass of wine…
Yeah, but if you give it to a prim propah sober browns and blacks kinda person? Delicious!
Hey! You didn’t give me the Kylie poster!
Not fair! 
Ramit, I love you – hence you are disqualified from Kylie poster
ROFL!!! Some gifting ideas these are… Actually I have some more to add to the list-
1- I gifted a monkey cap to a friend who lived in Mumbai
2- CDs of Heavy Metal to the young for the agony of parents.
btw even I did an evil gifting Ideas post for FIL http://prats.co.in/5-things-not-to-gift-you-fil/
We evil minds think alike LOL
Haha I love the too-tight dress. If Alicia has the panty-line, lumpy look going, I cannot imagine lesser mortals!
Yeah
ROFL! ROFL!
I can’t decide which one is better, number 3 or number 9! But I lowe each one! Gawd ritu why couldn’t you do this post earlier? The wedding season is over!
Never mind! Christmas and New Year are here!
LOL
The last one is inspirational!! I am not surprised it inspired you to write a post 
Yeah
Truly inspirational
jeez Ritu you hit on the nail with dress one size smaller, you evil evil lady
Imagine having to model it in front of your sisters and sisters in law! Looking as lumpy as Pillsbury Doughboy Gaah!
I like the idea of money to the people I don’t like, at least here, because it says two things..
- I don’t care about thinking of a gift to buy for you
- I don’t want to drive to the mall to buy something for you
So here is the money..
But on nasty gifts, a friend A gifted another person B a bottle of wine knowing really well that B’s wife hates even the mention of daaruu as she puts it and that there was going to be major Mahabharat at their place post the gift was received..with all the friends cheering on
That is wicked!
I’m thinking warm hugs + kisses for the ladies and warm handshakes + backslaps for the chokras. These actions would contribute towards positive human bonding, when undertaken by all and sundry (just so long as it doesn’t involve any of my female relatives).
That is soooo miserly! LOL
P.S. – I’m in Delhi next week. So I can definitely bother you if you care to share your number with me.
Yeah, lets meet up or something. Check your mail box
A hardbound copy of ‘Kamasutra’ would make a good gift for Mrs. Chopra’s son’s wedding.
Wonderful 
We had gifted something truly nasty in school to this female whom none of us could stand (pliss to not ask details, I am nt so blatantly bitchy now or at least I pretend that its under control
)
Tell us plissssssssssss! Better still blog about it
Checked my mailbox and found nothing, zilch, thenga.
Phir se bhej dena, please.
ROFL! What a well thought-out list. Loved the DRUMS-wala gift
I’ve done it! I loved the thought of the parents having to buy batteries all the time and then ear plugs too!
The dress with one size small? My Gawd, that’s pure evil, Ritu! I so badly want to try this out on my snobbish aunt, my eyes are popping with excitement!
I’m Noni btw, and I love your blog. Keep it up!
Ooo ooo! I found loo rolls emblazoned with ‘Just Married’ on the internet. Makes the PERFECT wedding gift for when you don’t want to attend someone’s wedding but have to outta politeness
ROFL! Loo rolls!!! Sheer evil
LOL… Really useful tips it seems… Lemme try it out… ha ha haa
-Deepu