I Love Maxine

image01414Maxine is soooo me …. or rather someone I am growing into – and am quite proud of the fact.  I love her – just because she liberated us women from being sweet old granma’s baking stuff or stirring extra almonds into the kheer for their self absorbed children or spoilt grandchildren.

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Maxine is a woman of substance.  Think Dimple Kapadia in Luck by Chance as opposed to Durga Khote in countless movies.  Even think Kiron Kher in Hum Tum!  Aww shucks, I guess I recognise a kindred spirit when I see one.  I love that grey haired cantankerous woman with her acerbic wit.

I got a forward from a friend that told me that Maxine was created by a man!!!  Damn!  I want to marry him, or if he is unavailable, any one who thinks like him!  Anyone who understands women the way this guy does ….

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Maxine was born in 1986.  Her creator was John Wagner, an artist working with Hallmark.  She was created for a smaller greeting card line called Shoebox Greetings.  Wagner says he was inspired by his mother, grandmother, spinster aunts.  At first Hallmark was concerned that she would not be accepted.  Heck!  Every one loved her.  She became an icon for older women.  She is nasty, moody, cantankerous and spunky.  She actually made it cool to be crabby.  in fact the nastier she is, the more one loves her.

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Online you will find a daily dose of Maxine wit here

Maxine is my tribute for all women beyond a certain age, and others who will reach there some day ….

HAPPY WOMENS DAY

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Another tag

Hmm, Got this from a friend in the mail.  Love to kill two birds with one stone …. so am replying on my blog Yoo hoo Ravin, Did it asap!

1. Were you named after anyone?
Papa named me Ritu …. cause he thought I was moody and changeable like the seasons.  Thanks Papa!  Would have hated being Pinky or Babli, so not me

2.  When was the last time you cried?
I cry.  It is my only feminine accomplishment as per my father. Last night I was watching Sophia Lauren’s Two Women, and I cried.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
No.  Do you?

4.  What is your favorite lunch meat?
Hmmm …. sardine … tuna : actually both

5.  Do you have kids?
Oh yeah.  Some that I gave birth to, some that adopted me through life, and I am Mom to three canine ones too.

6.  If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Yeah of course.  I am a good pal   :P

7.  Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Yes, I do

8.  Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes I do.

9.  Would you bungee jump?
No!!!  YIKES!

10.  What is your favorite cereal ?
Dont like cereal

11. Do you untie your shoes while taking them off?
No, never

12. Do you think you are strong?
Mentally and emotionally yes, Physically?  No, but I have two sons who can whup your ass, thanks for asking

13.  What is your favorite ice cream?
Dont like ice cream … but almond praline is okay

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Eyes

15.  Red or Pink?
Hehehe, Pink after the campaign

16.  What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
I kinda forget to finish a sentence … and people get so annoyed!  I just start and leave people hanging!

17.  Who do you miss the most?
My childhood sibling gang

18.  Do you want every one to send this back to you?
Yeah, I am quite a nosy busy body

19.  What shoes are you wearing?
They are white, silver and with beads.  Horribly uncomfortable though lovely!

20. What was the last thing you ate?
Papaya

21.  What are you listening to right now?
My stomach grumbling!  Its lunch time

22.  If you were a crayon which color would you be?
Orange, Purple … Earth colors acutally

23. Fovorite smell?

Wet mud in summer rains.  Motiya and raat ki rani

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
The peon!  I want my lunch …..

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yeah inspite of his sending this to me

26. Favorite Sports to watch?
WWE, TNA

27.  Hair colour?
Right now, red streaks and purple  :P

28.  Eye color? 
Brown

29.  Do you wear contacts? 
No

30. Favorite food? 
Unhealthy and fattening.  Samosas top the list

31. Scary movies or happy endings? 
Both

32. Last movie you watched? 
LUCK BY CHANCE

33. What color shirt are you wearing? 
Pink and white

34.  Summer or Winter?
Winter

35.  Hugs or Kisses? 
HUGS

36. Favorite dessert? 
You mean I have to chose?????

37.  Most likely to respond? 
I dunno

38. Least likely to respond? 
I dunno

39. What book are you reading? 
Biography of M. S. Oberoi

40. What’s on your mousepad? 
Vin Diesel droooool!  (I wish)

41. What did you watch on TV last night? 
American Idol

42. What is the farthest you have been from home? 
Kenya and Mombassa

43. Do you have a special talent?
Yup!  I can write well and I can manipulate extremely well! Hehehehehehe!  Gets me out of trouble every time

44. Where were you born?
Delhi

I tag everyone who wants to do this ……

And then she died …. finally

Funny, I seem to remember the plastic chairs as red!  Oh no, they were red when my daughter was born.  I remember her, squalling angry red faced horror.  I hated her on sight.  Yeah ….. she grew up into a demanding shrew, married that gay kind of person.   Hate him too!  What she needed was a rogue to keep her in line!  Humph!

Yes, they have all come.  Elder son with his butch looking wife, younger son with his empty headed timid wife.  Elder son …. pompous  and never amounting to much.  Yeah, Himself had great hopes from him.  I could have told him this one thinks too much of himself.  Look at him now ……. hen pecked and bullied by his daughters!   Will never do any great stuff.  Younger son ……we loved him so much, but he was only good at sweet talking the ladies.  Now sells used cars.  Is it a profession?  It is cheating!  And his wife, hahahahaha, jumps if any one so much as looks at her.  But younger son married her … for her father’s money.  I know – he thinks I am too stupid to realize it.

I can sense the embarrassment!  They hover around me, exchange glances …. wonder if they should be talking to me, wonder if they are getting it right … wonder if I can hear them

I can sense the embarassment!  They wish they could cry or express grief, they whisper, shuffle, look out of the window

Ahhh I am experienced.  Have watched older ones leave.  Birth is brutal, painful and exciting …. a new person coming into this world.  Death ….. death is boring.  Smartest to be gone in the night in sleep.  Spare every one the wait.

Simply hand over the baton to the next generation.  My children, they clung to me when they were younger.  My smile brought them joy, frowns despair.  Now they sit on plastic chairs and glance furtively at their watches.  They wish I get on with it.  Oh I have lived too long.  They won’t cry!  They’ll get out tattered albums one day ……… does any one have albums any more?  They’ll laugh and comment “Oh look at me!  I had such a silly hair cut those days!”  No one will miss me ..

They’ll grieve – a bit.  I understand.  Been there done that!  We share the same genetics ……

There will be full attendance at the cremation ….. nahin toh log kya kahenge, they will be properly attired in white kurtas and pajamas.  There will be a chautha, a terhvan

Then they’ll get my things out, throw my clothes into cartons for the poor people.  They’ll wonder about the amount of books I managed to collect.  They’ll fight over the jewelery, their spouses trying to control them, trying to cool them down, getting them to make up.  But these three …….. hehehehe, aging balding 6 year olds in a sibling fight.

Been there done that!  I understand ….. the same genetics.

Spoils will be divided, a last meal had together while they plan the latest car, the new furniture out of the proceeds!  Death leaves us richer – materially

I understand.

I wont make a scene.  Just go out for a cup of tea.  Dont hover over me.  I’ll do it.  I do care for you my dears

I’ll cross over without any fuss

Just leave

I’ll                                      just                     do         what I                    have                to

We are like this only Part 3

This hilarious article was written by an Expert from Baan, Netherlands,after having spent two years in Hyderabad. I salute the writer!  Havent laughed so hard in the past few days.  Definitely needs to be on my blog!

DRIVING IN INDIA

Driving in India For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival.

They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company

The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is “both”. Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction.

Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief on reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position. Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, and romance or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Keep informative books in the glove compartment.
You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister’s motorcade,or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over-ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus,full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension,at an unspecified fare.
After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their schoolbags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton’s laws of motion enroute to school.

Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate. Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver.It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often “mopped” off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and< during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload(so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once.So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hyper-critical, I must add a positive

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a"speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want torecover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it,just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation.The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.

Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above ground.This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night,on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day. If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and – The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!??