Jai Ho Vesus Bhay Ho
Watch this video … it had me laughing! The irony is too much
And of course the witty cartoon here
Poll Wars
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Monthly Archives: March 2009
Inspired by the Jaat Ladies
We live in Delhi-NCR and it means that we are all MCPs and we love using expletives like “Teri Bhen Di” etc etc
It is a sad but true fact that women are just fluff (or so the Jaatland would like to believe)
Builders and the Government have bought huge amounts of land from the rural belt, so Jaatland is/was flush with money. The men did what they felt was sensible ….
They bought buffalos, cars, shifted to towns ….. and then felt that they had done too much! So they spent the rest on booze and brawled their days away.
But Jaatland is actually run by women
Women who have actually learnt English to get their children to do their homeworks
Women who care for those buffalos
Women who have been transplanted into urban mileu and who are quietly learning the “sehri” ways of dressing and living
Women who are selling the milk, cream, ….. and even learning how to stitch salwar kameezes so that they have work (which they hide from their men-folk)
Yesterday I saw a rural woman actually teaching another in pure haryanvi hindi how to drive a Scorpio
“Eb too peydal ney daab dey, khetan mein teractor na chalaya tenne?”
(Now press the pedal – havent you driven a tractor in the field?”
Wow! I am impressed – wonder about safety on the roads though!
Vote please, its important
I have voted every single time I could … and I guess got cheated because there is no decent leadership in the country.
I voted for Mrs. G, and that was when I was young and a big fan of her personality. She had charisma! I did not know or care about the condition of this country …… so I got what I deserved!
I revolted and then voted for Janata Dal …. does any one even remember it?
Well!!
Guess I got what I deserved!
Then since I was a huge fan of Mr. Vajpayee’s poetry, I voted for him. Dammit poets dont make good politicians! Some one kick me in the a%$# please! A minority government and outside support cooked his verse (worse?)
Now what?
We badly need a messaiah! No one wants to be one, though. Humanity has a bad track record with messiahs. We stone them, we hang them, we crucify them.
But to find a messiah and give him the keys to the office, we need to vote.
Here is a link to a person who wants to vote but cant
He never has
We can and should. We have a working democracy and we should keep it ticking even if we vote for stupid reasons like Mrs. G’s ada and Mr. V’s poems.
Links to my CBSE Stories
On popular demand, links to my stories published my CBSE
The Ghost on the Boundary Wall
Monkeys have no sense of humour
These are currently being taught to Class XII students of English Creative Writing
A Smoker’s Tale
Every one has a story … of how they got caught by parents, by siblings or teachers ……
I wrote a poem about one such tale – with a very Ritu-esque twist
THE SMOKER’S TALE
Every one has a smoker’s story
In this poem I’ll tell you mine
Of facing the deadly parental fury
When caught committing this crime
Oh joy! Papa caught me with a cigarette in my hand
And slapped my younger brother! It was grand!
It happened many years ago
When I was young, just thirteen
I took to smoking to look macho
It was fun, I would strut and preen
Oh joy! Papa caught me with a cigarette in my hand
And slapped my younger brother, it was grand!
With friends I was strutting near the mall
Smoking, eyeing girls, having a ball
Papa was standing there with his colleague
He glared, and stunned, I stared, oh it was crazy
Oh joy! Papa caught me with a cigarette in my hand
And slapped my younger brother, it was grand!
In an effort to vanish without a trace
I blew a smokescreen – into his face
He turned and walked away in a fume
And I mourned my upcoming doom
Oh joy! Papa caught me with a cigarette in my hand
And slapped my younger brother, it was grand!
That night I sat shamefaced, Papa, he raved
Mom wept, my pesky brother – he laughed
Furiously, Papa turned and slapped him
Yelling, “He’s a loser, don’t you dare join him!”
Oh joy! Papa caught me with a cigarette in my hand
And slapped my younger brother, it was grand!
Read the rest here : The Smoking Book
Technology bites me in the backside
Kid#2 is in college …. and has finally become a man
His Yahoo chat used to be “I am an unopened package”
Now it is “Yoohoo I am a man now”
Well, hoping to dig some dirt and graphic details for some explanation I rang up Kid#1
Me : What is Kid#2 up to? Saw his chat ID, its changed
Kid#1 : Mom let him be! He is announcing it around????!!! Duffer!
Me : (holding my breath in anticipation) Explain
Kid#1 : Stay out!
Stymied ( always wanted to use that word!) I ring up DIL
She says : Yeah I saw it too, and Kid#1 rang me up. I have no clue ….
But she sounds very amused.
Dammit not only are these kids keeping me in the dark, they even talk in tech braille and I am shut out.
Hmmm I think I will change my status message to “Mom dying of curiosity and tearing her hair”
Not fair I tell ya! I am blogging in annoyed retailiation
If I survive this blog, see ya around
Death of a blogger
This news article made me so sad
Omid Reza Misayafi, one of the many Iranian bloggers arrested for insulting the government and religious authorities is dead.
The more we get media savvy and exercise freedom of expression, the more severe and reactionary people in power get.
Why the hell cant people take criticism well? Why do they want to kill, or, as it is more than likely here, drive people to death?
The best marketing gimmick – works even in the recession
All around there is doom and gloom. People are getting laid off … confidence is in shambles. I decided to look for inspiration from spiritual gurus. You know how the average Asian mind works
Problem in life —-> Run to Guru/Jyotish/Mom ——> They have direct connection with God
I believe in God – Yes I do, but somehow I do not feel the need of a link up or a middle man between me and my God
And got enlightened – not quite the way I thought I would
Thank you Aastha Chanel. I owe you one 
Read the rest here at Associated Content
Jai Jai Shiv Shankar
HOLI HAI!!
There are so many kinds of Holi revellers:
1. SPORTS ENTHUSIASTIC HOLI REVELLER
The first is the kind that gets gujiya, water guns, water balloons, gulal, permanent color into place a few days before the event. Then he gets his Bahadur, kids etc to join in filling the water balloons the night before D-Day , stored in a huge plastic tub at vantage point. Talk about preparedness. Such a reveller also has attack points, back-up points etc charted out a few days prior to D-Day. Commonly found on the terrace, scouting possible victims.
2. GULAL KI TILAK (SIMPLE COLOR POWDER) HOLI REVELLER
These guys dress up in the cleanest of clothes, meet up with like minded Holi celebrators in the colony park where they put gulal politely on each other, feast on garma garam chai and pakoda while telling their enthusiastic kids “No beta, don’t play with water”. Yours truly belongs to this category. Commonly found in – yeah you got it – the colony park with a cup of tea.
3. NATURE ENTHUSIASTIC HOLI REVELLER
Chandan tika boxes, herbal colours etc. I even met one who insisted on spraying ittar on me. Very classy, very expensive – and to my middle class brain – very pretentious. Commonly found in the rarified locality of the super rich and the arty types.
4. GANDI VAALI HOLI REVELLERS : THOSE THAT PLAY DIRTY
Kid #2 is proud member of this fraternity. These guys buy the most pakka (permanent) colours, actually buy cartons of rotten tomatoes, trays of eggs and a pichkari to fill water balloons. This is arsenal and they are going to war. One car is converted into the war car, seats and other sensitive to color stuff is covered with polythene sheets and padded with towels. The boot has buckets full of the water balloons, the car is loaded with all the ammo and with sufficient dhin chak music (This year it was Lucky Oye, Rock On, Emosanal Attyachar and the likes) that blare their evil intent, they sail forth looking for like minded warring opponents. The fond parent gets a shock sometime at 4 pm when “Maa Ka Laadla” comes back with black, blue, purple and metallic blonde permanent colours painted all over him and stinking of rotten egg. I always try to convince myself that the egg and tomato must be doing some good to his skin. Commonly found in – the car of course.
5. LET US DISAPPEAR ON HOLI TYPES
My Kid#1 is a former No. 4 type fella who has now joined this fraternity in his old age (:D). For the past 3 years, he stocks enough booze and snacks and he and his wife simply disappear for the rest of the world. I am instructed to tell any one that they have gone out of town, on the strict warning that they will not allow me any food or booze if I tell on them. “I my wife and my dogs do not play Holi” he told me in that oh so superior way. Wrong thing to do! I kept wondering “What if I told people they were hiding inside????” It is too tempting LOL. Commonly found in front of the TV holding hands sipping wine.
Of course how can one not write about Bhang??? Holi means Bhang right? I mean what kind of barbarian does not know of the close connection between the two? Holi is spring and fertility. In fact the first colours were made with flowers and pollen. So for any kind of great “fertility rites” to happen you need to lose inhibitions. Any way, people were exhausted after the harvest … and needed a high to get going I guess.
I would like to have the bhang shardai, but Kid#1 plays spoil sport. Sigh! Just had it once in my life. Man, I was in a trance after that. Quite unsurprising that its known as Shiv ji’s prasad. The damn thing takes you to alpha state without much effort!
Next Holi, I am gonna beg plead with every one who does not know Kid#1 to please gimme some.
The art of mourning
THE THEATRE CALLED LIFE
I know I know … y’all think I am getting morbid in my not-so-old age!!! LOL that is not so. But getting to this age … and watching a whole lot of people departing has brought me face to face with the politics of mourning.
There are people who walk into the bereaved house looking sombre
There are others who come in, blank faced …. ohhhh they dont wanna be there, they square their shoulders and steel themselves. It is a chore, they check if people have noted their presence and then they beat a hasty retreat!
And the strange thing is that though no one is marking attendance, every one’s presence is duly noted and lots of venom is reserved for folks who do not turn up.
I am floored by a relative though. A distant relative of ours had passed on. And the lady needed a lift. Since I had to go to the bereaved house myself, I agreed to pick her up. We chatted all through the way. She even got me to stop at Sunder Nagar and we had the most awesome chaat. Then we landed at the house ……, and she burst into inconsolable tears.
OH MY GOD!!!! She beat the most accomplished actresses at the demonstration of grief. Here I was guiltily licking imli chutney off my fingers while watching her performance … quite over-awed! And then it dawned on me that she actually set off others crying too. Gosh!
I have seen it time and again. People – mostly of the female variety carry within them deep pools of grief …. and this they use to mourn at others’ losses. No one is actually mourning the departure of the person himself. Every one gathers together and then weeps for their own losses, their own sorrows. I am sure it is cathartic and extremely good therapy.
First women gather around the bereaved wife/mother/sister/daughter and wail. It would seem that they are inconsolable. Then they slowly move away and start exchanging news : who died where, how much did he leave, what was the daughter in law doing, so and so’s son cleared his exam and is now earning xxxx amount of money. It is amazing – this carnival of life.
Men come in looking serious. They sit with the bereaved men of the house solemn …. for about 10 minutes. Then they gather outside and discuss stuff – beginning with what they were doing when they got the news, speculate about who is going to fill the dead person’s shoes and then they start discussing shares and politics.
A good friend calls it the “On stage look and behavior and Off stage look and behavior”.
Glad to know that I am not the only one who has this modern day need to be brutally honest and tactless.