Monthly Archives: January 2009

What’s cooking in the Phoenix House

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Lazy Sunday morning

I live in queenly solitary splendour on the ground floor, Kid#1 and DIL occupy one bedroom and Kid#2 another on the first floor.  The three dogs keep wandering upstairs, downstairs and in My Lady’s Chamber as the mood gets them.

So on the lazy Sunday morning I woke up at 10 am – or rather was woken up by the dog trying to nibble my toe.  The said toe was clad in a brown woollen sock and the dog might have thought it had discovered a bone or something.  I checked the time and groaned – I could have slept some more.  Sigh!  Wandered into the kitchen followed by all three dogs … the kids were still asleep.  Made myself a cup of chai and started planning lunch.  We dont do breakfast on Sunday – we surface around noon, and then wonder where Sunday went.  I wanted a purely vegetarian meal, but knew that the kids would mutiny.  Here was an absolutely lovely challenge – do a veg. meal without my carnivorous kids throwing tantrums.  I soooooo love a challenge :P

I made veg fried rice with a stir fry vegetables in almond sauce.  It was divine and all of it got polished off

Yayyy.  The almond sauce was finger licking yummy.  I got the recipe from Tarla Dalal.  Internet is a blessing isn’t it?

Kid#1 is the other cook in the house.  He loves to cook very innovative and adventurous dishes.  They turn out very very delicious.  We had Thai food in the night – yes lots of chicken and prawns.

Kid#2 is a very huge foodie.  As a child he got into a major fight with Kid#1 because he was having the most delicious dream of eating an entire chocolate cake all by himself and Kid#1woke him up.  The way he raved and cried, I swear, one could have mistaken it for a real chocolate cake and not a dream.  He was in heaven and Kid#1 woke him up to reality.  We still laugh about that one.

We were lolling around replete, when DIL’s siblings came on Skype – love the internet!!!  DIL started telling her siblings about the wonderful Sunday she had and the lovely home made meals.  She was positively drooling as she described the items, the sauces ….. droool!

After the call Kid#1 decided to have some fun

Kid#1 : Winking at me : Babe dont you ever want to cook and feed us?

DIL : No, absolutely not!

Kid#1 : Why?

DIL : You and Mom need people to appreciate their efforts too.  Hai Na Chotey???

Kid#2 : Absolutely right Bhabhi!  Let the cookers cook, we know our role … we are the eaters

Laughter all around

The Yin and Yang equation

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I got this mail today which is worth sharing. In fact as IHM pointed out to me in synchronises with her blog entry today. There are no coincidences in this universe …..domestic violence and male insecurities are being discussed on blogosphere today – it is blogosphere’s Bell Bajao I guess.

A while earlier I had read Mad Momma’s blog entry on domestic violence. A good friend of mine runs a beauty parlour and she tells me horrifying tales of some regular clients of hers who are “camouflage clients”, women who come to get their bruises covered as they don’t want the world to know that they are beaten up by their husbands. Yes, it is a sick sick world out there …..

The mail says :-

Tommorow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life

Just like you and your sister havent as she was buys in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents &brothers and sisters almost as much as you do for

20-25 years of her

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances,environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, may be more, and yet never ever expected to complain

to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if
she doesn’t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won’t like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster that you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply because you won’t like it even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines just like yours are to be

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success if you just help her some and trust

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house- your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly, your understanding, or love – if you may call it

But not many guys understand this……

Please appreciate “HER”

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning …. She is a housewife. She is creative and willing to learn and grow. Her husband and in laws try every trick in the book to ensure that she does not work. And then even small demands and expenses are denied to her. This is also violence.  Her husband is a charming man … but something about his wife makes him insecure …..

May be he knows she has potential and can not handle it?

I hope that in my life time I see women in my country have a fair deal.

I don’t think this is too big a dream to have …..

Satyam, the middle class greed gone too far

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“Satyam” means “truth” in Sanskrit, and we are very fond of saying Satyameva Jayate.  Kind of ironical now.  Did Ramalinga – who the Western media unkindly calls Rama+lingum or Rama dingdong and his team ever stop to think what they were up to?  I dont buy the stupid story that this guy was doctoring accounts or siphoning funds or whatever all alone.  This was not a Mom and Pop store or some Ekta Kapoor soap.

The biggest casualty in this entire fiasco is the future of the 50,000+ employees of Satyam. The grapevine says that 20,000 resumes are floating around but Infosys and Nasscom have both taken a stand not to hire Satyam employees. Satyam has just enough money to scrape in December’s salary. These guys get no severance pay, notice – nothing. I think the Government should look into this and ensure fair play. IT companies know now that there are a whole lot of insecure unemployed people and are playing pricey to lower the pay scales.

Raju and his brother have been arrested. I just got an sms which says they have been interrogated the whole night. I hope Raju gave them his swiss bank account number……… sorry folks, I smell funds siphoning here.

This is going to be huge and international.  Satyam is a big outsourcing company.  Pricewaterhouse Coopers is Satyam’s auditor, and is currently being held accountable too.  The domino effect has started.

Recent statements by Pricewaterhouse : We are examining Raju’s statement but can not comment further due to confidentiality issues.

Pricewaterhouse is also in a difficult position.  US holds auditors accountable too – and there are foreign investors who are going to sue

Nice … smell of fraud, litigation and police interrogation with the morning cuppa coffee

Look who’s asking for a bial out

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I simply love the human race.  We go from staid and boring to the sublime and then turn around and do something totally ridiculous.  The Porn industry is seeking Federal bail-out.  The reason given is hilarious : since every one is queueing with a begging bowl, they might as well as join the queue.  They feel America as a nation is depressed and has lost its apetite for sex.

Aww c’mon, why dont they take a leaf out of our book

1. DVD sales are down, support the piracy industry.  Dammit forget the labels, the Govt. just taxes labels.  Be smart and leak out the taaza material to the piracy industry, and rake in profits.

2. Our soap industry has been really smart.  While the prices stay the same, the size of the soap has been reduced.  They could reduce the size of the toys they manufacture.  “So what if its small baby, it still packs a punch!”

3. Nirma was launched with the picture of a little girl dancing.  It was the owner’s daughter.  The industry could save a huge amount as actor fee if they act in those dvds themselves.

4. Does the Government charge a hefty entertainment tax?  These guys admit that the industry is not hit, the sale of dvds has gone down a bit.

Wish I were in the States.  I would form my own bank holding company with my dog as vice-president, and my kids as employees, my live in help as secretary, so I can qualify for a bailout too.

Flock – An awesome browser

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Okay people, I want to share an interesting find with you – a browser that beats our Firefox and Google Chrome browser hollow.   You can read about it here

Okay okay, don’t throw a bucket full of chilled water on me and dampen my enthusiasm. My boys have already done that. I hate it when they wait until I am literally jumping up and down with my latest technical discovery and then shrug their shoulders and say …. But Mom we already know about it – its been around for ages.

It’s like I switch on the ignition with a “Guess what I found today” and the moment they make eye contact, I shift to first gear with an excited introduction of the thing, then as they say Unhunh, I go on to second gear with its features and my reactions … and then hit the third and revv up …….

Then comes the rain on my party  :(

But Mom, we already know about it – it’s been around for ages

Sulk

But nothing can rain on my parade today. This browser is most awesome. It combines Firefox and Social networking all together. It makes it simple to check out updates on blogs and all my contacts too. It is so people friendly and has Twitter, Digg etc etc all in one place.

Check it out and download it here

The tutorial they have will tell you all you need to know.

Divorce – a thorny path

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I read Nimmy’s blog ,   “How easy is it to undergo a divorce?”  With due respect to Nimmy, I have big problems with the title of the blog entry – divorce never is and never will be easy – any where in the world.  It is hard, it is painful and it is lonely.  Brittney Spears had a tough time getting one, Madonna paid wagonloads of money to get hers, and these are women of stature and substance.  Men have it equally hard.  It costs, in terms of emotion, in terms of loss, in terms of stability and also financially.

Let us be practical here.  To get a divorce there are certain things I had to do:

  • Admit that there is something wrong.  The love has turned into ashes or that the relationship has become toxic.  It hurts and shakes you up.  My self confidence was down in the ditches
  • Do something about it – try to rebuild the love, try to make the marriage work, use every avenue, every leverage –  parents, in-laws, siblings, friends – yes even the kids to help kickstart the marriage.  It worked for a while – but when the centre does not hold – peripherals dont work
  • Admit defeat and go into depression – I did that.  Hoo boy – was I drama queen or what?  I wept, I moped, I wandered around like a Main Bechari.
  • Do something about it – this involved divorce.  I frankly did not have the guts.  My marriage lasted eighteen long years.  My life was in shambles and the price I paid in terms of self worth and the psychological impact it had on my elder son was very expensive.

Is it easy?  No it is not.  I never re-married.  It was not for lack of choice.  I simply can not and will not hand over the controls of my life and my happiness into some one else’s whimsical hands.  I am too traumatised and scared to do that.  That is the biggest price I have paid.  I watched my son become a problem kid.  I watched him get into fights and get into bad and violent company.  His parents were too busy settling scores with each other.  One day, he was just a kid,  he came and asked me if I would protect him if he did something really wrong like sell drugs or kill someone.  That got me out of my “self pity stupor” and forced me to act, if not for myself – at least for the sake of my children.  I walked out of my marriage.  It never was easy.  I had to rebuild life – starting with roof over my head to gas connection to furniture etc etc.

The important thing here is that one has to accept that I am in this alone. Parents are old and do not want the added responsibility of a daughter with children and legal issues.  They have married off their daughter and would prefer that she stays that way.  Friends dont want to be involved, and if they are, they hate taking sides.  So you lose your friends.  Relatives would love to gossip and if they do talk to you, they are gathering masala to fuel the gossip fires.

This is a male dominated society with laws that are skewed totally to favour the woman.  I know you are having a WTF moment here.  Bear with me.  All the laws are so designed that they give all the breaks to the woman.  The entire neighbourhood, the cops, the lawyers are products of a society that would love to favour the man.  It leads to total confusion.  In my case, this led to years and years of legal procedures.  We called it quits when one son was 10 and the other was two, were declared seperated when my elder son was 15 and younger son was 7.  We were formally divorced when my elder one was 19 and younger one was 11.

My ex wanted the divorce but did not want to come to court or get caught in the alimony and compensation web.  So he stayed out of it.  Ultimately he was declared “absconding and untraceable’ and that is what is written on the divorce papers.

You know what we did that day?  Me and the boys went out and celebrated.  We got royally drunk and ate too much!  It was such a relief.   Then I rang up ex and told him it was over.  He was relieved too.  He had remarried six months after we had broken up – yeah, when the kids were 10 and 2 years old.  His wife was giving him hell about the legal thingy.  I dont grudge him that.  I could have done the same – he could not have objected, since he was sailing in the same boat.  The choice to remain single was mine.

It is not easy to get a divorce.  It is not easy to live the life of a divorcee – where people think you are easy and available.  It is not easy to raise kids as a single parent.  But it is harder on a person to stay in a marriage which has ended.  I dont put any value on legal papers so to say.  Ex married six months after we seperated.  That does not mean his marriage is not valid.  It is more valid than ours was while the case was being fought.

Marriage is a partnership and I think it becomes null and void the day its basic tenets of love, trust and mutually shared goals is compromised.  After that one is living a lie.  The children living with such parents are also affected.  I look at my kids today with pride.  They are positive, responsible, well behaved and loving.  We have lived a good life.

No one said life would be easy – especially after the divorce.  The only thing that kept me going was the thought that “Why the hell should a 30 year old pay the price for a mistake she committed at age 17?”  It has been one hell of a ride – but damn it, it has been eventful and totally worth it.

All right then, confess, Who is your biggest inspiration?

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Try this. It’ll only take you a few minutes.

 

WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION? 

 

 

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9.

2) Multiply by 3

3) Add 3

4) Multiply by 3 again (I’ll wait while you get the calculator….)

5) You’ll get a 2 digit number….

6) Add the digits together to obtain your score.

Now scroll down to find out what your score means
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I’ll take the dogs out for a walk and come back while you calculate, Come Jeannie, let’s go!
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Keep scrolling.
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Had to do this on principle.  
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My younger brother loved reading the last pages of my Agatha Christie novels and tell me who did it!
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 Grrrrrrrrrr!!!
More doggie pics for you
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Now I think you have got your number.  Tally it with the list below:
1. Barack Obama 
2. Sonia Gandhi 
3. Condoleeza Rice 
4. Brad Pitt 
5. Barkha Dutt 
6. Mahinder Singh Dhoni 
7. Russel Peters
8. Ellen DeGeneres
9. Phoenixritu’s Weaving A Web 
10. Amitabh Bachchan
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Stop picking different numbers
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Have a great 2009

My 2008 – a recap

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Thinking back on 2008

 

What a year it was! 

We celebrated our last new year eve in a rented home, my younger son, my elder son’s wife and one little german shepherd.  The elder son was in Phillipines and could not be with us.  Still we had a blast which ended for me by my insisting that I was still capable of going to my room unaided, it was immaterial whether I went on my feet or my knees. 

 

January was a good month, with my younger son studying hard for his school leaving board – its later that I came to know that he was partying equally hard – which nearly made him get straight Fs.  It was also one whole year since my elder son had got married, which we celebrated without him.  His wife was very brave and did not cry or sulk.  I admire her for it.

 

February is my birthday month and it is impossible for any one to upset me.  I celebrate each and every day of February.  It is pleasant weather, the cold is receding and I am happy.  Of course I tend to overdo the “feel positive” factor by taking rash decisions like joining gyms that I never attend and starting ambitious saving plans that fold up in a couple of months – I barely have enough to make ends meet any way.  I have never learnt my lessons easily and this February was no different.  I joined a gym.  Ah well!

 

March was when my younger son had his school leaving board papers – which he came home and confided in me that he had done horribly.  I could have gone ballistic, I could have raved and ranted – but he looked so chastened that I assured him that I still loved him and he could repeat it the next year.  He grew up a lot this March – got rid of his partying friends, got his act together and started helping us with the chores.  March is also the month I started blogging.  In fact a friend guided me to this …. and stopped blogging herself!  I have got so much bloggie love in such a short time, its strange to think of a time I was not on the blogosphere.  Thank you all.

 

April, the cruelest month was actually quite kind on me this year.  I had no kid in school, so was not hit with huge fee bills and book expenses.  Phew!  My elder son came back from Philipines.  It was bitter-sweet.  He had matured so much, but he spent much more time with his bride than with his mother.  It is quite natural and all that – but for a while it was painful.  That is until I looked into my eyes in the bathroom mirror and kicked myself and said “Grow Up”.  It is a tactic that worked earlier, it works just temporarily now.  I have to keep rushing to the bathroom every now and then.  Ah well!  We got our second dog and my elder son turned 25.

 

May, my daughter in law’s birthday, done up with music, Indian food and her parents.  Very traditional, sober and nice.  A bit too sober for us flakes, so we lived it up the next day.  May is also the month we packed and shifted into our own home.  It was awesome, it was wonderful …. And it was very tiring.  May went off in a whirl of activity.  Packing, unpacking, moving, settling down etc etc.  We loved our new home, far away from the city.  It was wonderful and peaceful.  We still love our home in the outskirts of civilization.

 

June – the month of truth.  Since end of March my younger one had been bullied mercilessly by his elder sibling and his wife for screwing up his exams.  He was quaking in his shoes when the result was declared.  Guess what?  He did quite well.  The expression on his face was comical.  He insisted on checking and rechecking his result with his roll number.  We were in splits.  If this was not joy itself, I got promoted, and the powers that be gave me a brand new car.  Oh wow!  We were quite spoilt in June.

 

July is junior’s birthday month.  He completed 18 years of existence, and also got admitted into an Engineering College of his choice in a stream of his choice which is near home.  Wonderful.

 

August : a gradual settling into routine with college, office and home taking all our attention.  We settled down for a humdrum and non eventful time which led to endless bickering between junior and his sister in law.  It all reached a peak one day with him declaring that she was not his sister in law but his sister.  He also thanked heaven that he got a sister so late in his life.  She hates not getting the last word in so she retorted that “So what if I came into your life late, I’ll be here to trouble you longer!”  Amen.  Oh yes and vive la female power!

 

September beginning of the wedding and festival season in India … also brought my elder son back from Phillipines.  All my chicks at home, and me clucking like a mother hen – lovely.

 

October I got myself a brand new blog – my own domain, my own space so to say.  Total indulgence …. I’m loving it.  Its my space and I can express myself here.  This was my Diwali gift to myself.  Oh I also got my hysterectomy – not so nice, but what the hell, at my age uterus and ovaries are spare parts, and more importantly I gave menopause a miss.

 

November, I lazed around at home recovering from surgery.  Kids had to go out of town for weddings which I could not attend.  We got ourselves dog no. 3, a German Shephard who we call Baron.  He is quite a terror.  Now I have three kids at home and three dogs and 16 fishes.  It’s a full house.

 

December, back at work.  Exploring the realm of free-lance writing.  I love to write and I love getting paid for what I enjoy.  Great creative satisfaction.  The money is not much – but it is early days right now.  Let us see what develops.

 

 

I have had a wonderful 2008 – full of ups and downs.  The most significant new development is the bloggers I have come to know through their blogs and through chat windows.  Thank you all for enriching my life.