Reasons why men and women get along … or have to

Posted on September 30, 2008 by phoenixr

Today is a wonderful day. The Accounts are busy – so no one’s bothering me for obscure data. My Boss aka Mogambo has not come in and not called me even once. Sure gives me an unflattering estimate of my importance in the company – but WTF, the pay is good. So I am doing what I enjoy most – blogging, hehehe on company time.

I came upon this news article which says there are 78 differences between women and men. WTF? 78!!!!

You know why men and women have to get along? Apart from the fact that it is only by being together they can make babies I’ll be danged if I know why. What I do realise is that life without having men to piss me off would have been boring. Differences as I see them …. (Disclaimer – This is partly true if not totally so )

Communication : DIL comes home and launches on to a long and detailed talk about what her boss said, how a colleague reacted, how the designing skills (she’s an interior designer) of so and so sucks etc etc. Son comes home and you ask “How was your day?” Reply “Good”, and you try again “So what did you do” Reply “Nothing” Suddenly he becomes aware of two pairs of female eyes boring into him and he looks up from the fridge that he’s exploring, is totally confused and says “What’s with you women anyway?”

Clothes : Men don’t discard clothes. Somehow the older the jacket is, the more they is attached to it. It becomes an old pal and provides comfort to its male owner. There is a Stetson which has not been worn in recent memories – but it will not be discarded. DIL and I are considering murdering and burying it in the jungle in the dead of the night. One day we just might commit this crime. Please bail us out when we do it. We women on the other hand think clothes are radioactive with a cupboard life of a season. We do everything to consume the said clothes before the “Best Before” date, so that we avoid contamination.

Making Friends : When B and I met for the first time 30 years ago, we really hit it off and by the end, we knew that we would be friends. We had our ups and downs but we are friends and we say so. Kid#1 has a childhood mate, born in the same lane that we lived in four months after Kid#1. They meet every weekend, they will confess stuff they wont even admit to themselves, bail each other out, support each other in times of trouble call each other names but they never say they are friends. I guess 30 years down the line they will get totally drunk and one of them will say ” You know, for some one who’s such an asshole, you’re okay”.

Gossip with others of same sex : Guys talk about cricket, WWE, cars, money and women. They dont know that much cricket, wrestling or even what is under the bonnet of their own cars. They dont have the kind of money they love to talk about and they lie about their escapades with women. Women talk about clothes, mother in laws, scandalous stuff in the neighbourhood and sex. And their talk about sex is detailed and graphic and the total truth.

Handling break-ups : When a relationship ends, a woman will cry her heart out, call other women friends and pour her heart out, bitch, eat chocolate, write a long prose or poem titled “All Men Are Jerks” and then get it out of her system with a shopping binge. Then she gets on with life. Men cant. First its difficult for them to admit its over. Then after six months of the break up, one drunken night, totally sozzled they’ll call up the woman at 2 and weep and rant ” I hate you, you totally ruined my life. You are a floozy/bitch/barracuda. I’ll never forgive you. But I want you to know there’s still a chance for us”.

Weddings : Guys get married for a regular sex life. Women get married for the ceremony, the shopping and the jewellery. Dont bash me up C’mon admit it! We love the ceremony and the dolling up. Oh yes, we also get married because our parents put insane pressure on us to get married.

Sex : This is from the link given above : Women use sex to get what they want. Men cant, because sex is what they want. The truth is that sex is the main thing on a man’s mind, whereas relationship is what is on the woman’s mind.

Cleanliness : Men can not see clutter or dust even if it danced a jig and sang in high falsetto. Women can see dust on pelmets and behind the curtains. Actually men can not see pelmets or curtains either.

Fear Factor : Women fear the intangibles, the dark, being alone, looking fat, other women’s opinions. Men fear the tangibles … their wives and mothers – and may be death and disease

Bling : Women love shiny expensive stuff like gold and diamonds, glitter, bright colours and cuddly toys. Normally men run a mile to avoid them

A blast from the past

Posted on September 29, 2008 by phoenixr

Gems I discovered while cleaning old suitcases … God rewards people who clean old stuff in un-expected ways. I got these photos as a reward

Kid#1 was a smiley kid, chubby and active. He loved to hunt and decimate the population of the insect world ….. with his bare hands and with any footwear he could lay his hands on. He also had a temper (still does) and a bad-ass attitude …. actually both the boys do – and Ex thinks they get that from me. What do I think? Well I guess I am shamelessly proud of them, attitude and all.

Smiley Kid#1

He was energetic, and a happy child. Once I took him with me to the beauty parlour. He decided all the women wearing rollers or masks were animals and wanted to use his toy guns to hunt them. Took me a lot of effort to pacify him. Disaster struck when I sat down for my hair-cut. He saw the lady bring a pair of scissors close to my head – and sprang to my defense. He was squatting on the floor and bit the poor woman’s leg so hard that he nearly drew blood. Needless to say I never went back to that parlour … EVER!!!

He discovered attitude and style very early in life. Check out his body language in this pic

The dude

Kid#2 operated on the simple principle that the squeaky hinge gets the maximum oil. He was blessed with an angelic face and he looked lovely crying – and he exploited that for all he was worth. His favorite postion …. Mommy’s lap

Kid#2 and me .. wish I can get this slim again

And here’s another

Best post partum workout - carry kid

Here’s one of the siblings together

Brotherly togetherness

And my personal favorite – its prophetic, the pilot as a child showing an airplane to his younger brother

Come fly with me

Caught in Cross Fire

Posted on September 27, 2008 by phoenixr

It is a known fact that when wars are waged the most affected by it all are women and babies. The perpetrators of any form of aggression are by and large, male. I know this is a generalisation and some one might fill up my comments section with examples of women waging wars. But I stand by what I have said. It is recorded in history. And what happens to the men? They die or get miamed. There are no right causes or wrong causes. As someone once said “If Hitler had won the war, he would have been the benevolent and visionary leader”. So lets not even begin with justification of causes. I personally feel that Raj Thackeray who idolises Hitler hopes to win his war and a page in history books of posterity….. and may be a statue for birds to shit on.

Nagaland is going through severe unrest. My friend is badly affected as her husband is the Vice Chancellor of Nagaland University. The causes I feel are unimportant but the way these causes are being fought for are so horrifying. All in all it is terrorism – and the victims are people like you and me. Dr. Kannan is an educationist and he lives in a part of our own country where security guards hover around him day and night. It is like being under house arrest. I am not surprised that his health is suffering due to constant tension, lack of privacy and the fear of being gheraod or shot.

I am giving below Jayshri’s letter to the Nagaland Press that is heckling and attacking her husband

Good Morning Nagaland!

I am Jayshri Kannan wife of the much pirouetted Prof Kannan V.C .Nagaland University. I am a professional writer and do not write on political or personal issues ever. My writings are largely on the Subject of my expertise and I enjoy doing just that. Then why am I writing here at all? To a Press that is so irrational in its behaviour? To a State which has torn my family life apart? To a state we developed affection for and actually became social ambassadors but in return got only hostility and stress. Well sometimes we do things which we normally do not do and this is one of them. On the spur of the moment I just feel like sharing…recalling my life and the events that shaped them. This is not about Nagaland University… it about my husband and me.

I have come to Nagaland many a times since my husband joined the University. I have enjoyed every visit of mine and have made some very special friends who seem to have become friends for life. I carry back with me umpteen souvenirs which my friends and relatives have admired. So I do carry some very warm memories of this place.

I go t married to Kannan 28 yrs back when he was only a PhD student studying in the Imperial college of London. Very early in my marriage I learnt I was married to a man completely dedicated to his profession and I was only his second wife, his profession being his first!

To cut a long story short we were holidaying on Chilka Lake, Orissa, when we got a phone call from the President of India’s office saying Kannan had been appointed as the Vice Chancellor of Nagaland. I was shattered. Al I knew of Nagaland was from an Uncle in the Army. He had lost two fingers in some war or maybe some accident. He said many things to make us laugh and he always told us that a Naga had chewed off his fingers. That was all I knew. I knew, if nothing I would have a husband without fingers, if Kannan went to Nagaland.

Well Kannan did go to Nagaland while I continued with my work and family duties in Delhi and everyday awaited for the news of his fingers being chewed off. Finally I had the time to come and visit him and Nagaland .The first thing I noticed in the airport was that his fingers were intact…and i turned around and thought maybe it’s my fingers turn now?

Nothing of that sort ever happened but I realized I had loaned my husband body and soul to Nagaland University for all he had to talk to me and the children was about the people in the University, its working…blah blah. I also saw some members were loving and caring and was greatly reassured that though I away from my husband, he was being cared for. The Naga culture, hospitality, tribal divergences fascinated me and my trips to Nagaland gradually became more frequent.

Months rolled by and I realized it was not fair on my part to pressurize Kannan to come back to Delhi. He had so much to offer to Nagaland. It had become his obsession and driving force. The establishment of the Engineering College was proof enough. He was now dreaming of establishing a Medical college, a Veterinary college, a nursing college and so on. Ten steps forward and some unrest would make him mover 20 steps backwards. I saw my husband extremely pressurized by the unrests. I worried about his Blood Pressure. I worried about this food habits. I gradually trained him into meditation /yoga and other forms of de-stressing. But eventually I was beginning to wonder if his presence in Nagaland was worth the trouble at all. Will the people understand his commitment and allow him to proceed with progressive work? I am not yet too convinced. I have loaned my husband to Nagaland for the time being and I want him back in the same condition… not battered and shattered!

Some where in the comments column i read “t laaast!!!! a photo of the two devils!!” hopefully they have learnt their lessons” ( spellings and language as shown on the comments page morungexpress September 27, 2008 10:04:00), commenting on the handshake picture ..Devil he is… But I am the one caught between the devil and the deep sea or should I say deep mountains of Nagaland!

This is our country – and we are supposed to have the right to live and work anywhere within the country – that is why we do not need passports or permits to travel from state to state.

Who are the most affected by the modern day politics of terror?

Babies who get orphaned
Young men who get miamed and die
Young girls raped or/and forced into prostitution
Widows who are also raped or/and forced into prostitution
Aging parents who have lost their bread winners
The state which has not seen development or steady growth because of these wars
All of Us, the citizens of this country who are tolerating such actions and behaviour of our leaders.

I do not know what is happening …. may be we deserve what we are getting because of our apathy and our “kee fark painda” and “mere baap ka kya jaata hai” attitude.

Some Indian Women I admire

Posted on September 26, 2008 by phoenixr

You’ve come a long way Baby!!! Or have you?

Sati Savitri : The courageous and determined lady who won back her dead husband from Yama

Draupadi : The princess who got to marry five most eligible princes of her time – and when humiliated instigated a war, echoes of which reverberate through time

Sita : The loyal companion, the lady who softened the rigid persona of Rama. Also the lady whose ill-timed laughter when Srupnakha was wooing Rama led to Srupnakha’s mutilations and eventually the destruction of Lanka

Gandhari : The woman who confuses me – if I were married to a blind man, I would make sure that I could see and compensate for his lack of vision. 100 Sons? I admire her fortitude and she has my sympathy.

Kunti : The first recorded unwed mother – also the mother of braves. Must have been quite a personality to have managed to mother 6 historical men

Kaikeyi : Agreed she got bad press, but this was a warrior queen who saved her husband’s life in battle – and she was just playing royal politics and being pushy for her own son.

Laxmibai, Rani of Jhansi : The woman betrayed by her childhood friend, Scindia in battle. The queen who died – or did not (since the British did not find her body) is the stuff of legends. I idolize her

Mrignayni : The Gujjar queen of Scindia who single handedly killed a boar and died fighting an invader, fighting by her husband’s side

Ahilyabai Holkar : Child widow, came to the throne of Holker after the death of her father in law. A very able administrator.

Jijabai : Mother of Shivaji – She proves that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world

Panna Dhai : Nurse of Udai Singh who sacrificed her own son for the safety of her charge

Meera Bai : Intense and mind boggling devotion that foiled all kinds of plots to get her killed

There are so many others like Radha, Menaka etc that I have not put up here. Knowing how feudal our country is, these women must have been special to have gained their place in history. I wonder how many of today’s women make it to the history pages.

What is your get-rich plan?

Posted on September 25, 2008 by phoenixr

I got this email in the morning which started me thinking. May be you have recieved it too – but its worth repeating here:-

A business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out. Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.Suddenly an old man appeared before him.
“I can see that something is troubling you,” he said.
After listening to the executive’s woes, the old man said, “I believe I can help you.”
He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying,
“Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time.”
Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world!

“I can erase my money worries in an instant!” he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might give him the strength to work out a way to save his business, he thought.
With renewed optimism, he negotiated better deals and extended terms of payment. He closed several big sales. Within a few months, he was out of debt and making money once again.
Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed check. At the agreed-upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the check and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.
“I’m so glad I caught him!” she cried. “I hope he hasn’t been bothering you. He’s always escaping from the rest home and telling people he’s John D. Rockefeller.”
And she led the old man away by the arm.
The astonished executive just stood there, stunned. All year long he’d been wheeling and dealing, buying and selling, convinced he had half a million dollars behind him.
Suddenly, he realized that it wasn’t the money, real or imagined, that had turned his life around. It was his newfound self-confidence that gave him the power to achieve anything he went after.

When my marriage broke up – I had no home, two children aged 10 and 2 respectively. And I had no savings. I just had a job as a very junior executive with a salary that barely made ends meet. No friends either – when marriages break up, friendships also do. My mother had issues – since she never approved of me or the divorce. What I had going for me was that my boys thought I was Goddess, and I couldn’t let them down. I thanked heavens that my father had insisted that I complete my education. So bolstered by the faith of my sons and my degrees, I picked my arse from the pits, fixed a smile on my face and started rebuilding my life. I had no time to moan “Poor misunderstood me” which is such a blessing. I have no patience for the Main Bechari types. It has been a long journey, where, as they said in the old bollywood trailers : Isme action hai, thrill hai, romance hai, tragedy hai, laughter hai. Battles have been fiercely fought, some have been lost, some won. All said and done, its been a rich life, absolutely worth living.

I am a strong believer in positivity. Good things attract good things. Rich things attract rich things. Like the Kabir doha “Maya Ko Maya Miley, Kar Kar Lambe haath”. When broke, I have put monopoly money in my wallet. Does wonders to your morale. Hmmm, no, dont call the lunatic asylum – I am just borderline crazy, and harmless - swear.

My true wealth is the love and faith of my children, and of course my wonky sense of humour. As long as I have these with me, Duniya Meri Mutthi Mein Hai and I can give Rockefeller a run for his money. That has been my get-rich plan. What is yours?

Early Morning Family Craziness

Posted on September 25, 2008 by phoenixr

ME : ( In the morning, rummaging the fridge) I love having dinner for breakfast

DIL : EWWWWW, cant bear to see food in the morning

KID#2 : I do that all the time – have dinner for breakfast

ME : This is true. You are the leftover king in the morning (wandering off singing Kid#2 is King, Kid#2 is King)

KID#1 : Sipping his morning coffee : I cant do that, I love having breakfast for dinner though ……..

DIL : Sleepy and confused : Ok, so if you have breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast, what do you have for lunch

BOTH THE BOYS : DESSERT!!!!!!!

Isnt that wonderful, now I have no doubt at all – they are truly my sons

Cartoon Network and Life

Posted on September 24, 2008 by phoenixr

You must have seen those old cartoons – the ones in which a character runs off a cliff and keeps running? He doesnt fall and keeps going on until he looks down. And then he plummets to the ground screaming. That, people, is the perfect depiction of life in general, and parenting of grown children in particular.

One is told in school that as long as you get good grades, be polite, honest and true, you have it made in life. So one hunkers down, works hard, deals with boring subjects, doesnt kill fellow students or bash up idiosyncratic teachers. “Padhega likhega banega nawab, khelega, koodega, banega kharab” was what we were brought up to believe. So one played by the rules, studied hard, got good jobs…. and thought ahh now we are in control – - but are we? Providence does have a corny sense of humour and just when everything is going absolutely right, Providence throws a googly. And like the cartoon network character – one runs off the cliff screaming AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE

Parenting is also somewhat like this. There I was, running along on air for all these years, thinking that, so long as I raised those kids “right,” I was big momma, in control. And then, after all that time of living with this nice cozy illusion, mine became teenagers and with all the sassiness of teenagedom, they shook the stuffing out of me. I started realizing that I’d been living a lie and there are no guarantees. Not their safety, not my sanity, nothing is really under my control (except maybe the car keys, but I had to keep hiding them in newer places all the time. And then I kept forgetting the latest new place, and they would obligingly fish them keys out and give ‘em to me.) Gaaaah!!!

Now I have three young adults at home, and I normally don’t even know what time of day or night it is, since they are in and out all the time. I have started feeling kind of disoriented. They keep wierd hours. Yesterday they decided that they would have dinner at home with me. I have got so used to them picking a bite on their way in or out of home, that I have tailored all our meals into take-aways. You know – like rolls of roti and sabzi or Idli+chutney. Yesterday was full house, I was mother hen and all my chicks were around me. Such total control. We had a sumptious regular dinner, and after that, Kid#1 and wifey went out for a movie, Kid#2′s friends came over and he left with them. Ah well – that is routine now with a half-way empty nest.

I wonder what life brings next. I was reminded of the cartoon network analogy. My big question is, when do we stop screaming AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE ?

Fou

Posted on September 23, 2008 by phoenixr

For sleep I had some lovely company
I went to bed with the English dictionary
Because I have decided I’ll be Ninja Master
Of Crosswords – Enough now, cut the laughter

I chanced upon a lovely word Fou
It means drunk, it also means foolish, crazy
I think I like to be in the state of Fou
Cooking Fou rhymes that are happy n nutty

I read this out to my children just now
Who grinned and added these words
Boredom means popping a Fosters
Which makes you Fou, happy and smarter

Bloggie Love

Posted on September 22, 2008 by phoenixr

There is a saying in Hindi which doesnt come through so well when translated “Bhagwan jab deta hai, chappar phar ke deta hai” or When God gives – the bounty breaks the thatched roof. I guess in these times when the roofs are cemented, the bounty breaks the doors and cracks window panes and pours in. Freya thinks that I am a Certified Honest Blogger. Oh wow! This is a first. People have always waggled fingers and brows at me and told me that I am “Certified” ….. as in a mental case. Thank you Freya. You simply don’t know how much this means to me. Apart from the office where I’ve fooled them into believing that I am good and responsible, no one in real life has. The net is wonderful.

I would like to pass this on to

Roop : This is one crusader whose sincerity shines

The Mad Momma : She is a firebrand, seriously you got to read her to believe it

The Indian Homemaker : Lady I salute you

The Quirky Indian : He has a lovely informative blog and he complains that I make him think …. here is another one

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What can I say, I am popular I guess. The gracious and gentle Indian Homemaker has given me a gold card. Now this is one card I can not bust or max out. Thank you lovely lady.

I agree that we are going through intolerant times and bigotry, hate and violence seem to be invading our lives in various ways. I hate bigotry and small mindedness. People who visit my blog know this about me. I pass this award to each and every reader of my blog (yes even the lurkers) who are with me and agree that caste, colour, religion, nationality, regionality are just geographical, and should remain just that. We are humans and belong to this lovely planet. More importantly, we are minds and souls that connect via this wonderful medium of the internet. Let us please open our minds and hearts, forget the egos and other stuff that stops us from connecting with each other.

If ………… a tag

Posted on September 20, 2008 by phoenixr

I have been tagged by The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker aka IHM

The rules for the tag are:
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?

Sigh! Been there and done that with my ex. I dont think it was the most mature thing to do, but I freaked. I got bitter and vindictive. Things got very violent – ending with me throwing him out of the house and our lives. Then I gathered myself and got on with the business of living. In retrospect, I think I could have been less public, and conducted myself with restraint and let the court handle stuff. But I was young and angry.

2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?

I would like to be a Bollywood actress’s pampered younger sister. She would not be wearing the same dress twice, or have the time to shop and spend her money. I would help her by doing all that. All the leading men, directors and producers will give me bhav and I won’t have to work at all. What do you know, she’ll even get me a “suitable husband”.

3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?

Hehehehehe, dont tempt me. All the MCPs of this world, and every one who makes and watches Saas Bahu soaps

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Quickly invest it and lock it up – otherwise I think I would go insane and squander it.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

No. For love sexual chemistry is essential – best friends dont get sexual, they are pals.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved by some one

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

I won’t wait. I probably would nip it in the bud if I thought I was going somewhere where there is no reciprocation.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

Move on. No sense in hanging around wasting time. Very bad for the morale too.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

Stronger laws against domestic violence and also making women’s education mandatory.

10. Do you lie?

Of course! But not to myself.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Huhh??? I dunno where I’ll be 5 minutes hence!!!!

12. What’s your fear?

I fear being handicapped, or suffering a lengthy illness and being a burden on my children

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

A thinker … and an idealist. She is well informed and has a conscience that is so nicely reflected in her writings.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Single and rich of course!

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

The one who I think would be there for me, in the long run. The person who is simpler, warmer and more open.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

I always do – that is how I am built I guess. That is how I live my life.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

Forgive – of course, cant keep holding on to the baggage. But I can not forget.

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

In a relationship which respects my space and my worth….. otherwise single is fine.

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?

“You fill up my senses” by John Denver for the romantic words and its haunting melody.

20. I TAG these 6 people because I’d like to know what their answers would be …

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phoenixritu.com

Monthly Archives: September 2008