Monthly Archives: August 2008

My other story

Posted on by
15

The Ghost on the Boundary Wall

 

I can still remember my first encounter with the fear of supernatural.  I was about 8 years old and my younger brother Sonu was 7.  We lived in Meghalaya – a really beautiful part of India, and this was long before civilisation really came to that part of the country.  We were allotted a huge bungalow, complete with outhouse and servants quarters and sprawling lawns.  The net result was that we were isolated from the hoipolloi.

It was about mid June, on a Saturday.  May brother and I had just finished dinner.  Our parents had gone to the club when it started raining in earnest.  Father rang up to tell us that they would not be driving home in the storm and that us kids should lock the house up from inside after informing the guards.  Now this left us alone in the huge house i the middle of what appeared to us in the night like a huge jungle.  All of a sudden, there was a huge crack of lightening and the power failed.  I was in my bed at that time – and started quaking with fear.  My younger brother came running into my room absolutely terrified.  Dee …. dee, can I sleep with you?

Now I could not admit that I was scared too.  So like a very brave elder sister … I took charge.  I smiled and told him, “Sure, but let’s play knots and crosses”, a game he hated and I was addicted to.  He agreed making a face.  Both of us together lit a lamp, got out our pencils and some paper and started playing.  As time went by, it was more like a night without parents and we were savouring our independence.  We took the lamp and went to the kitchen, got ourselves some cookies and lemonade, and had a party.  Then we sat down to laugh and discuss the daily happenings in school.  The fear receded and we feld very brave and grown up – two children in a seven bedroom house all alone.  We both pretended that it was quite okay and together we could face anything.  Soon the oil in the lamp went down and the wick needed trimming, the lamp-light became dim.  So we decided that we should sleep together and got into my bed for the night.

There was a loud crash followed by a huge earthquake that woke us up.  All pretence at bravery was over.  The lamp had gone out and we did not even know what time it was.  On the top of that, we could not find the matches.  I had started crying and it was Sonu’s turn to be the brave, macho brother.  Both of us held hands, I was holding the lamp and we walked to the kitchen, Sonu leading the way.  That walk is etched in my memory – a wooden floor with creaky floor boards, an open window slamming again and again in the storm, and tree branches rustling and groaning in the storm.  We never reached the kitchen.  We had reached the living room, which overlooked the boundary wall of the bungalow lawns – about a mile away.  From the distance we could see the wall on and off in the flickering lightening.  All ourfears were realized!!! On the wall looking straight at us in the flikering light were two heads.  I forgot all reserves and started wailing.  The lamp slipped and fell our of my hands and broke.  Sonu somehow managed to hold on to me and take me to the two seater sofa close by.  Bothe of us sat down on the sofa with our eyes focused on the wall.  We could not take our eyes away from the two people peering at us.  I whispered to Sonu “Shall we scream for the guards?”, Sonu did not even waste a minute and started yelling “Chowkidaar, Chowkidaar” but most probably the guards were sitting inside the room, away from the cold rain and could not hear the screams of a terrified seven year old boy.  I had lost my voice and could not say anything – all efforts brought just a quavering “Help .. bachao” from me.

Both of us kept sitting on th couch – our horrified eyes fixed on the heads that were looking at us menacingly all through the night.  After a while, the tears and fear took its toll on us and we drifted into an uneasy sleep, cuddled into each other.  I woke up with a start in the morning, weak sunbeams lighting up the room … Our parents had just come home.  Father and Mother came into the house, saw us both on the couch, and woke us up.   We had eyes for nothing but the boundary wall.  What we saw had us speechless.  Some one had apparently picked up coconuts from the palms growing near the gate and place on the wall were two halved coconut shells and we had actually spent the entire night petrified because of two coconut shells.

Well! I have actually got two stories published!

Posted on by
6

I have been writing ever since I could pencil two alphabets together … even though no one in my immediate family cares about what I pen.  Being the thick skinned tolerant person I am, I forgave ignored them and carried on nonetheless.  Two of my stories have actually been published in Creative Writing and Translation Studies – Reader for Class XII.  Am thrilled and to prevent myself from getting big-headed, I will just go and read blog entries of me falling in ditches or my evil spawn getting the best of me.  Here is one of them :

MONKEYS DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR

 

My brother Sonu and I studied in the rather plebian Kendriya Vidyalaya – which made perfect sense to my parents because as a government servant, my father could get posted to any part of the country the Powers That Be deemed fit.  We did not mind it because in the schools like Kendriya Vidyalaya we learnt more about life and the world around us (and got to have more fun ) than the much more rarified academic atmosphere of the socially approved private schools in bigger and more centrally located towns of the country.

 

We must have been in our early teens when we were sent to KV Imphal, Manipur.   The school was housed in an old Circuit House and was very close to the Hanuman Mandir of the town.  Imphal in those days as I remember it was a small town built around the river Imphal.  Our school was situated on one bank of the river, and the Hanuman Mandir was on the top of a small hill across the river.  There was a rope bridge that connected the two banks of the river ……. And boys being boys, the sport Sonu and his friends indulged in was to drive their cycles at top speed over the rope bridge, around half way down the river, the bridge became a steep incline – so they would have to cycle up-hill.  Then after they reached the other side, they would turn back and cycle down full speed.

 

Every Hanuman Mandir has its own tribe of resident simians – and the tribe which lived in this temple was particularly bold, well organized in army fashion.  The general was huge by simian standards and had lieutenants who were not above snatching prasad from the devotees that visited the mandir and if the devotees resisted, the entire tribe of monkeys would launch a full scale attack and chase the hapless devotee down-hill.  Every day, they would wait for the temple bell to ring and would gather on the steps of the mandir to attack the devotees.

 

Over-bold monkeys and boys aged 12 is a recipe for disaster – - – -

 

It was a winter day, the river was mercifully not in full spate.  It was lunch time in school and as was the norm, all the boys and girls from age 12 to 17 were on the river bank.  The girls were sitting on the steps leading to the river, gossiping.  The elder boys were ogling girls or trying to get close to them, and the younger ones were cycling up and down the rope bridge.  Sonu and his friend were also cycling.  Sonu had a paper bag of peanuts in his hand and when he reached the bank near the mandir, he was munching peanuts.  The monkeys wanted the peanuts.   Sonu had no intention of sharing them.  So he did what any 12 year old cheeky boy would do – he offered the peanuts to the monkeys and then stuffed them all in his mouth, laughing at the monkeys.  That was a big mistake.  The general gave the call for attack.  The entire battalion of monkeys descended on the bridge chattering and baring their teeth and launched an attack on Sonu.  Sonu screamed and fled on the cycle , with monkeys chasing him.  Around the middle of the river, where the bridge was now on a steep incline, two of the agile lieutenants climbed on Sonu’s back and one grabbed at the cycle.  Sonu gave up and jumped into the river with his cycle.  There was chaos by now on the river bank, with boys and girls screaming and crowding near the bridge – but no one had the guts to get on the bridge.  The monkeys had pretty much won the territory and now had occupation rights on the bridge.  Sonu and cycle were in the river.  Some panic stricken seniors had run to the school and got the teachers.  Imphal being a one-horse town – my father was notified by an interested spectator and he reached school poste-haste.

 

It was an impasse.  The monkeys did not get peanuts, and had decided that we would not get the boy.  They would not allow any one to get on the bridge.  The school boys tried to stone them – but it only infuriated them.  Some enterprising teacher tried to drive a scooter on the bridge to scare them and they pushed the scooter and climbed on the teacher’s head and scratched his face.

 

One hour had passed and Sonu by now was quite chastened, and was shivering in the water.  The pandit from the mandir was called and he tried to pacify the monkeys but it did not work.  The kids were delighted that they now had got one hour of unscheduled freedom from classes.  A crowd had gathered on the river bank and every one had their own inputs to give.  The monkeys by now had settled on the bridge, suckling the young and grooming each other.  Stoning had had no effect, temple bells had been rung but the monkeys who normally ran uphill in the hope of getting prasad did not respond to the temple bells.  Even scooters that would normally make them flee did not work.

 

No one knew how to break this impasse.  In this situation, an old lady about 70 years of age came to the river bank. Upon enquiring the cause of the commotion, she just said – go get a lot of peanuts from the market.  5 kgs of peanuts were procured and offered to the monkeys.  The general came up, inspected the peanuts, was satisfied and ordered a retreat.  The monkeys collected the sack, and ran off to their side of the river and a shivering chastened Sonu was hauled up from the river.

 

Please rate the story – this one and the next one I upload

 

The 10 Different types of women

Posted on by
8

MS. BECHARI ME: Ever since she was born, she knew that the world was unfair to her.  So she has lived her entire life expecting the worst, and has never been disappointed.  Any thing good that has happened to her has been suppressed, and she keeps grumbling and weeping about the bad world and her bad breaks in life.  Commonly found with a notebook where she keeps tally of all the grudges she has.

 

MS. NANHI MUNNI GUDIYA: Some time in school, friends and seniors had called her “cute” and she lives for the cuteness.  Her favorite colour is pink, she loves glitter and curls.  Her room is cutesy, with lace and frills and teddy bears.  She normally marries someone much older than her, and is his little girl for the rest of her life.

 

MS. MOMMA KNOWS BEST: This type decided early in life that her route to success was motherhood, and she sits sublime on the throne.  She rules her minions aka children with a benevolent but iron fist and a generous dollop of home made goodies. No one, not even hubby dear can dislodge her from the throne.  Commonly found on the dining table supervising the diet and vitamins of her children.

 

MS. BITTER MOM-IN-LAW :  She was Ms. Momma Knows Best in her youth and now her daughters are married and gone away and her darling sons are married.  She blames her daughter in laws for uprooting her from her rightful seat of power.  Commonly found exchanging bitter gossip about her sons’ spouses with other similarly inclined ladies over a cup of tea.

 

MS. MY DADDY STRONGEST: She was the apple of her father’s eye, his princess.  She grew up knowing that she was special and was the best among her siblings. Then she got married – and now perpetually compares her spouse to her father and finds him failing. She still wears little girl clothes and is known to lapse into baby-talk under extreme emotion. Commonly found throwing tantrums in her house because her husband does not find her as irresistible as Daddy dearest.

 

MS. LOG KYA KAHENGE :  She also goes by the name Ms. Haw Pata Hai.  This one is scared of popular opinion, she is scared of featuring in gossip of any kind.  She is conventional and holier than thou.  She hates to be judged or be gossiped about but is quick to judge others and gossip about them.  Commonly found as the last one to leave any kind of social gathering to pre-empt others from gossiping about her.

 

MS. DHARAM KI THEKEDARNI :  Every one quakes when this lady enters the room.  Her holier-than-thou attitude is her weapon.  She is the authority on traditions, values and morals.  Her children are wimpy but perfectly well behaved and execute the most perfect namasteys and touch every elderly pair of feet.  Her husband is quiet and self effacing.  She is well versed in scriptures and is the deciding authority on what is right and wrong.  Commonly found in the neighboring temple for the evening aarati, taking a mental roll call of the absentees whom she has to take to task.

 

MS KITTY PARTY :   As the name implies, she lives for the rummy sessions and the kitty parties.  She even maintains a diary of the clothes she wore at so-and-so do or the snacks she served at the kitty party she hosted, so that she doesn’t repeat them.  She knows all the gossip in the colony and has an endless collection of recipes for snacks.  She spends the evening updating husband on the news of the neighbours and the non-kitty and non-cards days chatting with her circle of friends on the phone or shopping with them. Commonly found at kitty parties. 

 

MS. ROOPMATI/MS. FASHIONMATI :  She is lovely and she knows it.  She spends most of her time maintaining that beautiful face, skin and figure.  She knows what is in this season, the colours, the cuts, the trends and the accessories.  She actually has recipes to make her own creams, face packs and hair rinses at home.  She eats right, exercises and makes every effort to pamper the body beautiful.  Is normally the trophy wife of Mr. Moneybags.  Commonly found in the beauty parlour getting expensive treatments.

 

MS. I AM BETTER THAN ANY MAN :  She was born in a household where her male siblings were treated much better than her, and hence has a big chip on her shoulder.  She grew up with the burning desire to excel at everything and prove that she was better than men.  Must have been a swot in her academic life and is now in a serious career, with men as her subordinates.  Her husband knows his place in the house, and her male colleagues and subordinates know their place in the office.  Commonly found in the board room brow-beating the rest of the board members.

 

These are the most commonly occuring types – the rest are mixtures

Ten different types of men

Posted on by
9

First the disclaimer: I swear upon my honor to the entire blogosphere that I am not a man hater.  I will write about the different kinds of women that have made an impression on me soon. 

 

 

MR. TOWEL PAKDANA :  This type was immortalized by Rani Mukherjee in HUM TUM.  He goes through life oblivious of any and everything in his own home, or may be thinks that it is beneath his dignity to know the geography of his own home and kitchen.  He often calls his wife the Missus and treats her like an appendage.  He delegates domestic help, budget, kitchen and children to her.  He often has to check up with the Missus which year his child was born.  Commonly found standing in the kitchen looking helplessly at the fridge and yelling “I want a glass of water!”, and hoping the fridge will open and pour it for him impressed by his lung power.

 

MR. SPORTS CHANNEL : This type saves his all his sick and casual leaves for sporting events like India vs. Pakistan cricket matches, Olympics, Football finals etc.  Wife, children, family and job are slotted into non-sporting days.  He will save all his money to buy a huge plasma screen for the living room and forbid all family members to tune it to any channel which is not sports oriented.  Commonly found settled in the couch cheering sweaty players on the screen with a can of beer in one hand and the remote in the other.

 

MR. YAARON KA YAAR: This type is normally seen with his male friends singing “Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Chodenge” and walking into the sunset arm in arm with them.  Women for him are aliens, he can check them out, talk to them only at a superficial level – but can not understand them.  At some level he is scared of them.  Commonly found chilling out with male friends in a large group.

 

MR. GYM: He lives for his body and his muscles.  He is muscular, and loves to wear singlet or tight T shirts to show his biceps that are impressive.  He guzzles protein drinks pops pills if he is urban, can digest any no. of aloo paranthas and white butter in one sitting.  Girls? Kids? Family?  Who are they??? Nothing intrudes his single minded focus on his body beautiful.  Commonly found lifting weights in the gym.

 

MR. MAJNU: This type lives for the babes.  He dreams of them, follows them, studies them, and has an insatiable urge to meet more and more of them.  One babe is not enough for him, his cell phone and orkut/facebook friends list has only women.  He is a good listener, can talk to women all the time.  His mother, the neighborhood ladies love him and call him sweet.  He cultivates the ladies because then he gets to know their daughters.  Commonly found hanging around his younger sister to get introduced to all her friends.

 

MR. MONEY BAGS:  This type is normally a self made man, who struck gold at some point in life and kept on succeeding because that is the only game he knows in life, and he plays it well.  He thinks his duty is to primarily earn money for this family.  His home, his trophy wife and trophy children, his mistress, his clothes, his cars, his liveried servants are all carefully designed to display his success to the world at large.  Commonly found in a 5 star hotel’s bar with Page 3 type of people discussing the latest deal to make more money.

 

MR. WORKOHOLIC:  He thinks that the office will die if he does not put in at least twelve hours of work.  He bullies his subordinates, bulldozes the support staff, sucks up to seniors and keeps a close eye on the office politics.  He convinces himself that his and his family’s survival depends upon which way the wind blows in his office. His wife’s career is not important; neither are his children’s grades.  His work and his success are of paramount importance.  Commonly found getting updated on office politics near the coffee vending machine.

 

MR. MUMMY’S LAADLA: This type left his own personality and brains in the deep freeze and decided very early in life that Mom would do his thinking, his living, his decision making for him.  He will eat what his mother thinks is good, chose a career that his mother approves, his friends will be vetted by his mother and will marry the girl his mother selects.  Commonly found hanging on to his mother’s pallu, so what if he is forty years old.

 

MR. JOORU KA GULAM:  He is mortally afraid of his wife.  Spends half his life running away from her, and the other half bending over backwards to fulfill her every whim.  He is normally a Mr. Mummy’s Laadla who has shifted allegiance to wife.  Commonly found in the nearby ahaata downing liquor avoiding territorial wars being waged at home between wife and mother.

 

MR. FIRST DAY FIRST SHOW:   If it did not happen in a movie, it did not happen at all.  He even classifies PVRs by the popcorn they serve.  If he can not get the tickets of a movie on the day it is released, he is inconsolable.  He can travel to another city to see the movie.  His idea of a date is a movie, his idea of a celebration is a movie and his idea of a party is a movie with a burger in the interval, and a vacation means four days off from work and 40 DVDs to watch.  Nothing else matters – job, family, children, wife all are secondary to the latest celluloid offering in town.  Commonly found in shady places buying all the pirated DVDs that he can afford.

 

There are other types too, but these are the main ones, the others are mixtures of two or more types

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ditches

Posted on by
7

I have a history with ditches … the bad kind.  When I was a kid, one of our neighbours grew a whole lot of baingan in her kitchen garden, and then distributed to harvest to all the families unlucky enough to live near her house (rather generously I might add!)  It did not go down well with us kids – who wants to eat baingan in various forms every single day.  So the entire tribe of kids got together one sleepy afternoon and we plucked all the damn brinjals and threw them into a small pond a largish ditch full of water and ran off to our various homes.  Of course our crime did not go unpunished.  The damn brinjals floated to the surface, and we got royally spanked.  Yeah, I hate ditches.

Recently, while I was getting our home constructed, I made a habit of driving early in the morning to the site and bullying the contractor and the builder.  Soon both of them made a point of disappearing as soon as they spotted my car.  The poor labourers did not have that option, and had to bear the brunt of my anger.  Soon they had their revenge.  Right in the front, where now we have our front lawn, they had dug a huge area, which was full of wet soil.  To avoid the muddy water, they had placed planks and bricks.  I walked into the house, and blew my top.  Those idiots had used cracked floor tiles and it looked ugly!  I raved and I ranted and walked out in a queenly huff…. ….. Yeah you guessed it, ……….. right into the muddy ditch – fully clothed, with my mobile phone, etc etc.  The labourers hauled me out, and while I was spluttering and trying to recover, they picked up a pipe and hosed me down.  Somehow, while blushing with embarassment, I stuttered my thanks and slunked off to my car, desperately hoping to avoid notice.  But there was no escape. The contractor, who I had not seen on the site for the entire week, suddenly materialised,  followed me to the car with a huge bundle of old newspapers, and said in (I am sure totally false sympathy) Madamji, the seat will get dirty, please sit on these papers!  Speechless, I just accepted the darn newspapers, dumped them on the seat, parked my ass on them and fled.  Damn ditches!!

The ditches have struck once more.  My office net is not working.  The authorities have woken up to the fact that we do not have adequate stormwater drainage – so the roads are all dug up, and somewhere in the damn ditches is my office internet connection.  I am suffering major withdrawal symptoms and its all because of the ditches!

I think I should get a pooja organised, to appease the Lord of the Ditches.  Some divine intervention is desperately needed

Wrestling at my age

Posted on by
13

“A Grandchild is every grandparent’s worst dreams of revenge come true in hope…”

Erma Bombeck

What I really want to have is the Iphone …. but I digress. My long term plan is to have tons of grandchildren … but it is something I have no control over. I mean, I have got Kid#1 married – but he refuses to have children (spoil sport) – perhaps because he knows what my evil mother plan is. I want to spoil the grandchildren silly and when they are teenagers, gracefully withdraw from action and watch the fireworks munching popcorn. It is going to be more entertaining than the movies, and my maternal angst will be satisfied. Kid#2 has a long way to go – and who knows if he also comes up with the “No Kid Clause”. Brats!!!

One of the perks of being a single Mom is that I get lots of alone TV time when I get back home from work. I don’t have to wrestle the remote from Ex – I can pretty much queen it in my bed room. Outside that domain is another story … sigh! I was watching Aastha Channel (who am I kidding!) WWE when the door opened and my 5’10” husky Kid#2 barged in. I smiled a sweetly maternal smile (Translation: I’ve been found and there is no escape Damn It! )

Kid#2 : Ma

Me : (With eyes on the TV) Hunh!!

Kid#2: Ma …. Ma …. MAAAA, I’m gonna keep bugging you until you answer in sentences

Me : How much do you want?

Kid#2 : How about 2 Lakhs?

Me : What did you say? Why?!!!!

Kid#2: Smirking : Thought that would get your attention!

Climbing on the bed and smiling at me invitingly he adds – “Wanna wrestle?”

I deferred. I was happy sitting on my ass watching those hunks sweat it out. Why should I?

“Go ask Bhai to wrestle with you”, I said. He looked at me, smiled patronizingly and added

“Buddhe ho gaye ho. Stop ogling at hunks. Sudhar jao.”

Such a cheeky brat. Don’t know where he gets that from. He must have inherited it from his father’s side of the family tree.

STOP LAUGHING!

That was it. Dammit I am not old. I am in my prime. And I’ll be damned if I let an 18 year old that I birthed sass me like that and get away with it. So tossing caution to the wind I said “Ho jaye”

He giggled in delight and then things got a little rough. Sure he is young and he is tall and I am just 5’1”, but I have had years of experience watching wrestling and know (in theory at least) about arm holds and suplexes and choke-holds. Plus I grew up scrapping with brother and cousins. Also I have fatty power. Soon I had him at my mercy. He was lying on his back on the bed and I was sitting on him and all was well in my maternal world. It is then that I realized that may be, just may be I am not as young as I think I am. My bladder is no longer my friend. I really had to go ASAP! So making the best of the situation, I grinned and said “Say sorry, Ma, you are supreme” and I will get off you.

Kid#2 replied : You are fat and heavy.

And then he bucked under me, I lost my balance and my head hit the headboard. Ouch! I saw multicoloured stars and got off him in a hurry and rushed towards the bathroom. He quickly caught up with me, full of concern and said “Ma, are you okay”, while he held me and tried to check my head for injuries.

My pride would not give in. I just smiled bravely and said : “Okay granted, I am old and you are right up there with Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins and Edge”, while I tried desperately to slip out of his arms as my bladder screamed for release. He still held on to me while I held on to my control. The bathroom was just a step away. I gave up even though I knew there would be hell to pay and growled : Listen kiddo, let me go. I gotta go pee

I few minutes later, I came out to see him smirking with youthful superiority “I am sorry Ma, did not mean to make you lose control”

“I did not lose control” I said icily. Damn him and his youthful leak-free bladder.

“Ya Ma, I understand, its not your fault your body is falling apart. Hai Rey Budhapa”

Yeah he is pure evil. And I was overwhelmed with maternal affection. At the dinner table later in the evening, he announces in a snide voice “Ma is in her second childhood. We need to get her adult diapers”.

No I do not need adult diapers yet. I need six grandsons who are taller and bigger than you and who will whup your ass while I cheer in the sidelines. Creep!!

Some Bollywood Dialogues I like

Posted on by
4

I am hopelessly addicted to the wonderful blog Calcutta Chromosomes for my daily dose of Bollywood. I am like this only heh – I need tadka, I need mirch masala and I need Bollywood. He has written about seeti bajao dialogues both male and female. It inspired me to list some which are my favorites. One very important movie for its mast taaliyan type dialogues was Musafir starring Sunjay Dutt and Anil Kapoor and Sanjay Manjrekar. Some of those dialogues even became ringtones for a while.

Sunjay Dutt as Billa to Anil Kapoor when the latter throws attitude : Abbey saaley, takdeer teri chutti pe, aur maut tere sir pe…par baatein aise karta hai ki jindagi tere bistar pe………

Other gems by Sunjay Dutt to Anil Kapoor in this movie :
Jhar ke piche heroine ke sath nachne ki khujli nahi hoti tu villian ban sakta tha BILLA ban sakta tha

Film mein villain hero ko tension deta hai par yahan tu hero hi villain ko tension de raha hai ?

Bol Goa main sab kaisein hain? Papa kya layen yahan say tere liye ?

Sanjay Manjrekar to Sameera Reddy : Too bhi bathroom mein, Ye bhi bathroom mein, Dono mil kar bathroom ki tanki saaf kar rahey the ?

Billa kills a man in front of the man’s son.

Henchman to Billa : Billa Bhai is bachey ka kya Karen

Billa (After some deep thought) Chodh do, Jap bees saal baad apney baap ka badla leney ayega, tab khelenge is sey.

Another gem from this movie is : POLICE ASLI HO YA NAKLI AATI HAMESHA LATE HAI

Of course the very slick comedy Pyaar Ke Side Effects which actually gave break up ke side effects which went like this …..

Breakup Ka Side effect no.1
Aapko bahut rona padega…ya jitna rooenge utna breakup se bahar aaenge..i know hame rona nahi aata…but then..we have to listen to sad songs…

Breakup Ka Side effect no.2
Ex girlfriend ko bhulne ke liye bhaut sari shopping karni hogi..it really helps..maine 15 hazar ki ghadi lee hai aur 25 hazar ke speaker’s…Ofcourse on installments..but i feel AWESOME!!!

Breakup Ka Side effect no.3
Breakup ke baad aap har raat apne dosto ke saath ..ghumne, peene aur party karne jaaoge…as for me, Freedom!!!!…AM BACK

Breakup Ka Side effect no.4
Aapko suddenyl doosri ladkiyo main zaada interest aane lagega..and why not ? Loha he Lohe ko kaata hain.. hehehe

Breakup Ka Side effect no.5
Aapko sari anniversaries yaad rehti hai..
Aaj Trish ka birthday hain aur muje pehle baar yaad hain.”

And the very awesome coffee sequence which adds a totally new dimension to a simple cup of coffee. Sid, the character played by Rahul Bose goes to drop Baby Doll Vol. 3, an item girl played by Sophie to her flat and is “invited in for a coffee”. The comedy is situational and the innuendo very obvious …

Item Girl: What kind of coffee do u like?
Sid: Hot.
Sid: What kind of coffee do u like?
Item Girl: Coffee without Milk and Sugar

He cant have her coffee, and walks out while she is still in the kitchen and comes home where Naanu (Ranvir Shorey) asks him about the evening.

Sid confesses : I couldn’t have coffee with her”

and Naanu freaks out “What do you mean you couldn’t have coffee with her? That’s what men take birth for, to drink coffee.

Edited to add

I havent even begun with Omkara – which in my opinion had the most hard hitting dialogues. The movie was total paisa vasool for me. I can watch it over and over again.

 

For the “Happily Ever After” life

Posted on by
8

It was a long weekend, from Friday to Sunday. We should have actually chilled out at home, got on each others nerves, fought, made-up, but being us, we opted to go meet far flung relatives from one end of Delhi to the other. It was holiday and the only time for family bonding etc. Can you see the halo around my head? It is there I assure you, and it shines more than the Suraksha Chakkar of Colgate. If you strain to listen, I swear you can also hear the heavenly choir playing celestial music in approval.

Two of my nieces (daughters of cousins) are getting married. They were asking Kid#1 and DIL’s advise on marriage. It took all my self control to not laugh out openly and just smile and listen to the various idealistic crap they dished out – like share each other’s hobbies, respect each other, and such like stuff.

If you ask me (I know you did not, but I am going ahead anyway)

Marriage is an ongoing relationship. It freaks me out when they show crap like “And they lived happily ever after” in movies. WTF? How unreal can you get? Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Relationships grow rights and duties and money issues get negotiated and re-negotiated. Children are born, parents are looked after etc. There is no “happily ever after” in this scenario. It grows into something fantastic if you are lucky or wise – or both.

My Uncle told me – no not the Conan fan, the older and more philosophical one, that a great marriage is like a duck. When you watch a duck swimming – it looks as though it glides smoothly, but the actual truth is that it is paddling like hell under the surface of the water.

In the interest of a happy marriage, ladies, never get your husband to teach you how to drive, and men never go shopping for the dress or the shoes with your wife. What the hell, shop separately, and yes, do please try to keep two different televisions. It will keep your sanity and the remote intact.

The best advice I ever got was to fight fair. Every one has their own unique style of fighting. Some people sulk for long periods and pass snide comments. Some attack the moment they feel their turf is being invaded with the subtlety of a bull-dozer. Others sugar coat their venom and throw up deceptive veils while they bleed you and some others will use a well aimed single deadly knife to cut you deep. Whatever the style – declare war and then use your weapons with honor. And for God’s sake be rational. After ten years of marriage, don’t come out with a statement like “Your second uncle from your father’s side embarrassed me with his behavior at our wedding” at midnight. One can not call parents right then and ask them to confirm the rights or wrongs about this statement.

 

Gold is cheap – fuel expensive

Posted on by
6

I was reading the Indian Oil advertisement today which exhorts us to use fuel judiciously. “Dur Ki Soch” they implore. So I decided to think – I have lots of time – kya karoon, am on forced internet fasting because of various reasons.

  • Heavy rains have caused water-logging on the roads
  • After seeing the condition of the roads our authorities have woken up from deep slumber and decided to give us very precious storm water drains.
  • The guys who have to put the drainage in place have dug up the roads, which mean the telephone lines, internet lines, the roads themselves.
  • For some strange reason, they have left the potholes in place. Weird huh?

So now I am in deep thought. What will oil shortage lead to?

  • All of us will lose a lot of weight because we will walk or cycle. Cardiologists and chiropractors will be seeing a slump in business, so will dieticians and slimming centers.
  • We will move out of home only when we absolutely need to. There will be no such thing as romantic long drives. This is going to lead to lots of angst. Can you imagine tolerating your spouse or other members of the family 24/7?
  • Psychiatrics and divorce lawyers will see a steady rise in business.
  • Our favorite channel on TV will be National Geographic and other armchair travel programmes. That will save us a lot of fuel.
  • Journeys to office will be different. It would be normal to share a car with other people. In theory I don’t mind that, that is if my car pool has gorgeous muscular hunks. My social life will become happening heh! But if I get unlucky, I will have to share with women who are busy knitting and discussing the latest twists and turns of the Ekta Kapoor serials – or men discussing economy or the political situation. Gaah!
  • We will save a heck of a lot of money which is otherwise used for fuel. Since gold is becoming cheaper – I know where most of that money will go.
  • Advise for families with more than one car – Cars can double as extra storage space – one can always put in lot of Odonil or other moth repellants and then neatly pack our winter wear in the car. The boot can hold all the tools that one never knows where to stash.
  • If one is mechanically inclined, one could always dismantle the car and reassemble it on the terrace where it can work as a greenhouse for difficult to grow plants.
  • We will see the return of horses and camels as modes of transportation. Since cars will be storage space or green houses, community garages will be built to house our horses and camels.
  • Roads will be deserted, and what do you know – we just may be able to grow daisies in the damn potholes to green India and lower the pollution levels.

For Dony, on Raksha Bandhan

Posted on by
16

He was exactly 361 days younger than me. He was the apple of my mother’s eye. He was the SON in our typically Punjabi family, the heir, the prince. He was the person on whom I practiced my skills of bossing over hapless males. When we were little kids, he was the one who would follow me around, and get blamed for most of the breakages in the house. I being a girl would not be suspected. He would pull the dog’s tail, but would also share his meal with the pet. He would sit for long hours on the steps of our home, telling fantastically wild tales to the dog, and the dog would look at him adoringly and swallow each one of them hook line and sinker. He also blinded my dolls and pulled out their eyelashes. Oh no, I did not mind it, I hated dolls and loved books. Once he threw my Enid Blyton into the pond, and I knocked him over and sat on him beating him up.

When we grew up, he hated all the boys who would befriend me, and would mimic them mercilessly. He grew stronger and larger, and it became harder to beat the hell out of him. He was the only one in my family who could carry a tune. He had an awesome sense of humour and a ready answer for anything. He was also someone who attracted trouble and accidents. That never seemed to quench his spirit. When he met with an accident and we weren’t sure that his eye would be okay, he put a patch over the eye, picked up a bottle of Old Monk and limped on his fractured foot and said he was the Pirate from Treasure Island. He would encourage us to make jokes about his being accident prone. He was my very handsome younger brother.

When he was 23 years old, the joke turned sour. That accident was his last one. They brought his body back, lifeless. My elder son kept nudging him and asking him to wake up. It was the first time I was faced with death, and was devastated. There would be more in the coming years – but this was the first, and it was something I took personally. I was angry with Death and with God. It took me a long time to recover. I think my mother never did. My father went from being a participant in the game of life to a spectator.

I have never talked about this, never written about it … but there is something about blogging – it makes one open up. So this Raksha Bandhan, I hope and pray for you, my sweet younger brother because I am sure that you are reincarnated somewhere. Where-ever you are – may you have the happy and long life that you were cheated of in the time you lived with us.