The Weasley Clock

Posted on July 18, 2008 by phoenixritu

Kid#1 came back yesterday from land far away where he is learning to fly planes and my empty nest is full again. We all loaded into one car and went to the airport to get the boy home. It was fun. The plane landed at 9:30 which means that we came home by midnight. I normally am fast asleep by 10 in the night, but did not feel tired or sleepy. Instead I felt totally complete. My babies were home and momma could rest easy.

This made me wish for a Weasley clock, you know the one owned by Ron Weasley’s family in the Harry Potter series and I googled about it. A prototype device has been made by Microsoft researchers which would be able to keep track of the general location of your family members using their wireless cell phone network, and translate that information back to a clock at home. The device works by using a preset location of a persons work, school, or home, and when the person goes back to that area, ‘the software sends a signal through the network back to the Whereabouts Clock at home. The clock interprets the signal and uses it to move an image of the person’s head into the appropriate area. The image moves into “elsewhere” when the person’s mobile phone is in an undesignated area.’ Families would also be able to text a message to the Clock, leaving a note of their activities if they should change.

You can read the article here http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/11/13/whereabouts-clock.html. Damn, I wish I knew how to make those small link thingys.

Kid#1 is back, skinny but happy to be with us. DIL is over the moon and Kid#2 is all smiley and nice. It is full house right now, all sunshine and love. Hmm, give them all two days with each other and the drama will start. Kid#1 will become all angry and irritated, DIL will be catty and complaining and Kid#2 will be at his crabby best. That should be entertaining ….. and normal.

Oh and he got me a digital camera ….. for my blog he said with a wink, and no – I do not think its sufficient bribe. I wont fall for it and give him a link to the blog. After all I do need a place to vent, and he and DIL will be chosing my hospital and be looking after me in my old age.

Mortgages and Mid Life Crisis

Posted on July 17, 2008 by phoenixritu

Something has totally happened to me. I distinctly remember a few years ago that I would recoil at the mere mention of buying and owning a home for myself. I thought that once you owned one of these things, you really could not have a life. Every thing you earned went into repairs, renovations, furniture, broken plumbing, and paint jobs. My god, the commitment!. Any way, owning a house was what stodgy regular staid sane people did. I could not be tied down. That was then and this is now …

Well, I took a plunge and did the unthinkable (it must have been right when I was zoned out and thinking about what kind of legacy I would leave the kids … hmmm … too much marijuana in my smokes, what?) Needless to say I took the plunge and got myself a home in the rural pastures wonderful suburbia. It is spacious, away from the urban mess, but most importantly, it is a rite of passage into growing roots. I am one of the crazy people who can work for the same company for the last twenty years and live in the same town for the last 30 and still think of myself as a free bird who could pack and move out if things became unpleasant. Now I don’t have that option. I have committed the next 10 years of my life to living in this town and also to working my tail off to pay the loan. Now I will be thinking in terms of growing curry patta, tulsi and nimbu in my pocket kerchief garden. Hello domesticity ….

The point is that I have this image of myself as the global gypsy …. Wandering from place to place, free …. Unencumbered by baggage or kids. Me with a backyard and plants??? Oh wow!!! Funny how age changes a person ……

Of spell-check and fantasy

Posted on July 15, 2008 by phoenixritu

In the good old days of yester years, my parents used to spell out things so that us lesser beings would not comprehend. Otherwise they used massive words. That worked out well in the end any way since my spellings are excellent and I have a massive massive vocabulary. That is quite understandable if you had parents who would say “Shall we pause to deliberate on the reactions of juniors if we procure tickets for the latest entertainment on celluloid?” Well, that was my Dad. Thanks to him I figured out what copulation meant long before I should have. It is also thanks to him that I chose English Literature as my chosen subject for graduation and post graduation. Mom did not have such a huge vocabulary, so she would spell stuff like I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M and M-O-V-I-E.

I opted for a more creative style. The parents and in-laws used to frown heavily on drinking, so when I caught Kid #1 raising his glass of milk up and saying Cheers with a happy smile, I gently corrected him and said “Cheers nahin, Kursiyan” and of course Gin would never be gin, it would be accompanied with its cousins Bhoot and Pret. So it would be, Papa Loves Ber but Mama likes Gin, Bhoot and Pret. Don’t knock it, it actually worked for a while. If we needed some alone time, I would put them to bed with a lovely story about how the poor stars were being overshadowed by the moon, and so were tired. They needed the boys to go sleep with their grandmother while they rested. Mom and Dad would ensure that the stars got enough sleep. I know, terribly lame, but hey, it worked and we got a kid-free evening .

Of course, when Kid#2 came along, the stories got more fantastic and full of extra terrestrials and universal wars. They grew older and so did the tales. Now Kid#1 is training to be a pilot, though in his imagination, he’s flying a spaceship …… Kid#2 has just got into engineering and wants to be a researcher …. Bio-bombs anyone??

It is also the reason why both the boys love anime and have taught themselves enough Japanese to follow all the fantastic plots that their latest purple/pink haired TV playmates live in. AXN ki Jai Ho

The Indian Joint Family : an anachronism

Posted on July 12, 2008 by phoenixritu

This is a politically incorrect post.

I read a post on this while blog hopping at this The Life and Times of an Indian Home Maker: Joint Family and Indian Daughters and it brought back memories that were best left buried. I think the Indian Joint Family system is exploitive to say the least. I hated living in it for eighteen long years and simply can not understand why my Kid#1 and DIL insist on living with me. It is insane to say the least.

I was less than eighteen years old when I got married and trapped into the system. The hierarchy is rigid. MIL is Empress, FIL is like the President – he just has signing and veto authority. SON is Prince Charming, younger SILS AND BILS are favoured courtiers and DIL ranks way below them all, at times even below the live in servant. In fact once when MIL was ranting away at some dal I had cooked which was watery at the dining table, I turned to the servant and said “You at least get paid to listen to this shit, what do I get?” Needless to say, the entire family freaked out on me, but well … I do suffer from foot-in-mouthitis. Then I wasn’t allowed to go meet my parents – who lived in the next lane. I taught in a school which meant that I had to cook breakfast, pack lunch boxes, cook lunch, and get dressed and leave before 7:30 am. My salary which was a mere few hundreds was subject to much scrutiny and the senior ILs had already decided what it would be spent on.

I agree that times have changed, and I would never make the colossal blunder of stopping my DIL from visiting her parents or shopping. Honestly I don’t even know what her salary is. If she feels like cooking or doing housework, it is fine, if not so be it. I think housework is tedious and thankless. After a whole day at office, one approaches it with great distaste. That is why we hire help to do this. But I wonder, should they live with me? I do not like the idea at all. I have spent most of my life living with parents or in-laws and adjusting with them. I would like to live alone for once in my life, on my own terms.

The boys are okay, but they need to grow up and be independent of me too. I have never been the clingy sort of female and am horrified with the thought that they still want to live in the maternal abode. This means that shopping for daily stuff like vegetables, milk etc. is my responsibilities. I pay for the utilities, the servants are my headache. It is my time to retire, take stock, and also save up for old age. I wish there was a way to make them realize, without hurting their feelings, that I love them very much but that I need them out of my home.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up …. optional

Posted on July 11, 2008 by phoenixritu

So another year gone by, and another set of wrinkles to contend with …. sigh!!! The sad part is that the inner me simply refuses to believe that I have grown old become middle aged. Dammit, I refuse to grow old gracefully how so ever much my sons and dil would like me to act my age. I do not know how women my age are supposed to act like – so I guess we have a big big problem. I can not relate to saas bahu serials or the Aastha Chanel. News is okay sometimes … I like watching WWE and ogling at chocolate boy heroes. The only time I am reminded of the fact that I’ll never see 45 again is when my darling boys remind me of it – spoil sports. Cant imagine why I carried them for 9 months each, and then toilet trained them. Should have left them to rot in their soiled diapers.

I dont mind growing old – as if I’ll stop ageing if I mind heh? In my mind’s eye I still look somewhere around 25, so I get a shock when I see my photos. It is like OMG – I cant believe this is me. I guess I better start accepting that this is what I look like, and get it over with. But I still have a lot of life left in me. So I cant sit tamely and embroider or make achars or do whatever women my age are supposed to do.

What is with every one in this youth centric world? Just because a woman reaches a certain age, they start acting as though she can not exert herself or even look after her self outside the kitchen. I went into the office loo and as soon as I locked the door, the darn handle came off in my hand. So I did what any sensible person in my position would do … I finished my business, and then tried to re-attach the handle so that I could walk out. No such luck. So I rang up the housekeeper and explained my predicament. Once he understood what had happened, he was much amused and told me to stay put while he unscrewed the lock. I waited for about 5 minutes and then rang him up again. …….

Me : Sumerji, kya hua

Him : Madamjee, hum ladeej bathroom ke bahar hi hain. Abhi wait kariye (accompanied by many male giggles)

Shit, I wonder, how many people are outside – dont they have work to do???

Well the tone of his voice was so irritating that I took matters in my own hand. I opened the window and tried to climb out into the balcony. As luck would have it, my shoe fell off my foot inside the bathroom. I was standing in the window sill trying to decide whether to jump out regardless … or jump back into the bathroom barefoot (horrors!!!) when the lock got unscrewed and door opened. The man walks in (he is older than me by at least two years) and starts scolding me “Aap ladeej log najuk hote ho. Aap ko is umar mein aise kaam nahin karne chahiye. Your bones will crack or you will hurt yourself somehow!!!” The Haryanavi MCP to the core!! I somehow manage to smile, hop in on one foot, quickly slip the other into the darn shoe and walk out thanking him with poor grace.

Excuse me, I am not NAJUK. I grew up with a whole lot of brothers, real and cousin, and was known to terrorise the entire lot of them and have defeated them many times in boyish games. That was then and this is now I guess …

I can soooo empathise with this lovely quote:

“I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate” Nancy Astor

The irony of being a Mother In Law

Posted on July 7, 2008 by phoenixritu

Sunny Days: Survival Guide for Daughters-in-Law

While blog hopping I came across this heartfelt post of a very young daughter in law which really resonated within me. I married the only child of a super possessive mother and that was one major hurdle to our happily ever after …. but this is not what this post is about. Ex is happy elsewhere – thank goodness and I am happy being mother and single. I never got suckered into becoming wife again. In my youth I would have probably not been so adjusting and have written something like this lady has

Mamma of Twins: The Missing Counsel

Now I am looking at relationships from a different perspective – I am a mother in law. DIL is a delight, fun to be with. I like what women have become these days – confident, witty and with the ability to be straightforward. She is new to the idea of being DIL and as a mother in law, I think I suck big time!!! Even the internet does not have answers for How to be a Mother-in-law. Go ahead – google for it and you will know. You even have anonymous groups called “I Hate my Mother in Law” for godsakes!!!!

So here is a survival guide for mother in laws – totally based on my experience

Every girl is cautioned that Mother in Law is not a mother, the same applies both ways you know, daughter in laws are not daughters.
Do not ever try to guide your daughter in law in the same manner as you guide your children, she will interpret it as criticism of her taste/her intellectual ability/her capability and you are left thinking WTF, I never meant that!!!!
Remember always that she left her home and family to come live in your home. Its tough and lonely. It will take time for her to adapt to your ways. Remember your days, when you did not even have the option of speaking your mind out.
Do not expect your son to take sides with either you or with her. Remember how useless your hubby was when you complained about his mother???? Men avoid “Women’s fights” like the plague and deal with it by surfing the net or having a beer with male friends watching sports, hoping that the issue disappears.
Keep your individuality and allow her to retain hers. You are way to old to change anyway. She is what she is, and your son loves her the way she is. So if you try to bully/dominate her, it will make both your son and her hate you. Your son might forgive you later, she never will.
If your son and daughter in law are fighting, do not take sides. They will make up and your role will make you the villian. Why, they will perhaps blame you as the instigator of the fight.
When you are mad with her – for any reason, apply the DAUGHTER TEST. Just take time out to think how you would react if your daughter were doing the same thing. Chances are that you would take a more lenient view to the issue in question.
Do not expect her to dress a certain way or to eat certain stuff just because it is traditional. Traditions are values which is pretty solid stuff – not the outer covering. Your son has been raised by you and has imbibed your values. The girl of his choice will have similar values.
As and when they decide to live away from you, let them go with a smile. I would also add, ask them to make out a list of the stuff they need – you know basics to start their own home. There is plenty lying in your own home that you dont need – like dishes, cookers, chesters. You can ask them to take these things with them. They will do for them as starters and they will be grateful too. And you have less stuff to maintain.
You have handed over your son to his wife. She is his first priority – not you. So chill okay. If he spends more time with her, dont sulk. If they do want to go out with you or spend time with you, they would come and be with you. Its their zamana, not yours. Plus at this age, you would not survive their pace, their food, their loud music. Notice I said “their” They are a team now, you are the bystander. Accept it.
Lastly and most importantly ….. Be nice to the girl your son brings home – remember that she is the one who will be around when you are old and frail. Also she is the mother of the grandchildren you hope to pamper.

The tyranny of being a Mother In Law

Posted on July 7, 2008 by phoenixritu

Sunny Days: Survival Guide for Daughters-in-Law

Mamma of Twins: The Missing Counsel

So here is a survival guide for mother in laws – totally based on my experience

Every girl is cautioned that Mother in Law is not a mother, the same applies both ways you know, daughter in laws are not daughters.
Do not ever try to guide your daughter in law in the same manner as you guide your children, she will interpret it as criticism of her taste/her intellectual ability/her capability and you are left thinking WTF, I never meant that!!!!
Remember always that she left her home and family to come live in your home. Its tough and lonely. It will take time for her to adapt to your ways. Remember your days, when you did not even have the option of speaking your mind out.
Do not expect your son to take sides with either you or with her. Remember how useless your hubby was when you complained about his mother???? Men avoid “Women’s fights” like the plague and deal with it by surfing the net or having a beer with male friends watching sports, hoping that the issue disappears.
Keep your individuality and allow her to retain hers. You are way to old to change anyway. She is what she is, and your son loves her the way she is. So if you try to bully/dominate her, it will make both your son and her hate you. Your son might forgive you later, she never will.
If your son and daughter in law are fighting, do not take sides. They will make up and your role will make you the villian. Why, they will perhaps blame you as the instigator of the fight.
When you are mad with her – for any reason, apply the DAUGHTER TEST. Just take time out to think how you would react if your daughter were doing the same thing. Chances are that you would take a more lenient view to the issue in question.
Do not expect her to dress a certain way or to eat certain stuff just because it is traditional. Traditions are values which is pretty solid stuff – not the outer covering. Your son has been raised by you and has imbibed your values. The girl of his choice will have similar values.
As and when they decide to live away from you, let them go with a smile. I would also add, ask them to make out a list of the stuff they need – you know basics to start their own home. There is plenty lying in your own home that you dont need – like dishes, cookers, chesters. You can ask them to take these things with them. They will do for them as starters and they will be grateful too. And you have less stuff to maintain.
You have handed over your son to his wife. She is his first priority – not you. So chill okay. If he spends more time with her, dont sulk. If they do want to go out with you or spend time with you, they would come and be with you. Its their zamana, not yours. Plus at this age, you would not survive their pace, their food, their loud music. Notice I said “their” They are a team now, you are the bystander. Accept it.
Lastly and most importantly ….. Be nice to the girl your son brings home – remember that she is the one who will be around when you are old and frail. Also she is the mother of the grandchildren you hope to pamper.

Self Help Advise = Nirvana??? I Think Not!!

Posted on July 3, 2008 by phoenixritu

Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished”.
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos,and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace .

I did not write that – its one of the lovely forwards one gets. If I had written it, I would have been proud of it.

If you look around any book shop, it is filled from top to bottom with self improvement books. Ever wondered why there are so many of them? They sell instant nirvana. Every book is supposed to be the last word on how they can help you solve all the problems in your life, make profits, get out of debt and be on the top of the game. Is it really so??? I think this would be true if every one lived the same life, in the same way. What might suit person A can not suit person B.

I have read quite a few of them, and then I realised what would work or would not

The books will not live my life for me
They will not pay my credit card bills
They will not deal with angry teachers at parent-teacher meetings
They will not deal with crooked mechanics, I will have to go get my car repaired myself
They wont deal with unreasonable bosses or meet unrealistic targets/deadlines
They wont deal with teenage angst or boys
They dont deal with ex husbands …… sigh!!!!

However they can do this :

They can clear up your preconcieved notions
They can teach you how to think
They can give you guidelines on stress management

The most important thing I ever learnt from those books was that I am responsible for my own life and that I decide whether I am happy or sad – no one or nothing else can.

Finally this picture says it all

phoenixritu.com

Monthly Archives: July 2008